So beautiful that my heart aches.

Every note seems to knock my heart out.

大丈夫、道がきっとあるから。

Youtube only has the first half of the song but it's latter half is where the gist is.

そうか…失せる sorry
No luck 途中で empty
今も never thought you’d bring me down
More wine 誰の真似
So wise ここに立って
これからどうなる change my life

It’s never gonna bring me down
No never gonna bring me down
昇って沈む日が笑っていた
It’s never gonna bring me down
No never gonna bring me down
I got up and I changed my life

どうして人はみんな
昨日に 寄り添うの
哀しみを 知っていながら
I’ve gotta live on ’cause now I’m moving on

世界は 囁いて
やさしさに つつまれた
ありがとう キミの声で
たちあがる
And now I’m moving on
Now I don’t know where I need to go
There’s always kindness standing by your side
I watch the rain fall just like I knew it would
There’s room to go on
So now I’m living on

Last night I woke up in the night
たった一度きりの
いつも囚われ spider web
ほらすぐそこには straight line
がんじがらめ headlight headlight
これからどうなる change my mind

It’s never gonna bring me down
No never gonna bring me down
昇って沈む日が笑っていた
It’s never gonna bring me down
No never gonna bring me down
I got up and I changed my life

そうして 人はみんな
明日に 寄り添うの
喜びを 知っているから
I’ve gotta live on ’cause now I’m moving on

世界は 囁いて
やさしさに つつまれた
ありがとう キミの声で
たちあがる
And now I’m moving on

遠く古い記憶に怯えていた
今が強く高くなる程に
夜が明ければ全てなくして
迫りくる
When will it come again

世界は
煌めいて
さよなら
このひかりよ
だからもう
迷わないで
たちあがる
And now I’m living on

世界は 囁いて
やさしさに つつまれた
ありがとう キミの声で
たちあがる
And now I’m moving on
Now I dont’t know where I need to go
There’s always kindness standing by your side
I watch the rain fall just like I knew it would
There’s room to go on
So now I’m living on
Oooh!
I watch the rain fall just like I knew it would
There’s room to go on
So now I’m living on

the Light Bulb dimmed today

I wept seeing this picture: Steve Jobs with his wife after his last ever keynote. Both of them probably knew it was his last.

Thank you for lighting up the lives of so many, Steve Jobs. You will be missed dearly. I only wish I can be a match to some, however feeble and ephemeral my power it may be. But I promise, I will exhaust myself to radiate.

Live the moment. Live the best you can be.

論論文

screen-shot of my thesis-in-progress

這陣子大部份心思都投放在論文之上 。在這裡寫些甚麼成了無意識無目的地上fb以外唯一覺得沒將時間白白浪費的抖氣點。不過，雖說是大部份心思，以我貧乏的專注力來說要我廢寢忘餐去思考去寫當然是沒可能。每當稍稍有眉目時，總要去廚房弄些甚麼然後注意力又走到明天的午，晚飯之上。好不容易才回到論文要寫些數學公式經濟邏輯時，又發現之前想到的離題了又未及周全﹣等等，我的論文題目究竟可行嗎，有意義嗎？這個assumption會不會太離譜了些？如是這般來來回回，寫了又刪改了再改ctrl+z的仲多過寫下的字，愈寫愈沒信心。教授也沒甚麼意見讓我自由發揮，只希望他不會到我入大直路時才突然跟我說我的approach錯晒。

寫論文根本是一場跟自己思路搏鬥的持久戰。一開始時像收拾混亂的房間，茫無頭緒不知從何開始。腦內的確有很多主意，但都是一些不接軌的片塊資料，要將它們嵌駁然後引伸至未有人到訪的地方需要不停的翻閱文獻，尋找自己知識的斷層然後合適的工具連接起。在這過程中你會不停質疑自己的理論，觀點 並感嘆自己所知的渺少。接著你會懷疑自己在這研究課題得出結論的合理性。當從頭審視論文發覺自己的論據是如斯不堪一擊時，便又要回到原點想新的approach。每次你的知識也從中增加，但來來回回起碼十數次。（只算論文裡的一個section)所以很多時候不是想寫便寫。更多時候是對著文獻發呆，好像領會了些甚麼但一時間又在自己的研究裡用不上。要牢牢的掌握我還差很遠。

sigh.抖夠氣了。回數字星球去。

溫存於温泉

金矢温泉in花巻市

Actually i should spend some time to write about my volunteering experience in Iwate but i decided to come back to that later and instead, write about my addiction to onsen because embarrassingly and admittedly, the self revelation brings forth from loosing myself in hot spring is much more pronounced than cleaning the debris under the rain.

Seeing the naked bodies around me was one of the reasons that i feel so relaxed being in onsen and i bet it does not make a difference whether these bodies are female or male. these naked bodies make me forget the innate difference among people - in the onsen, as we are stripped to the bare skin, we are no longer some predefined roles we play along but just some animals trying to reward our bodies. there is nothing we are hiding from and nothing we can hide in the onsen and suddenly, we become what we really are in the rawest and most natural form. concurrently, the bodies reveal themselves in the cleanest possible ways: free from dirt and petted with a sweet fragrance. these are sincere physical beauty and it is precisely this unfeignedness i appreciate. in the outdoor onsen, the pleasure steps up as the bodies blend the cool autumn air with the steam from the springs. rain sprinkled on you  but you would not mind it because you find peace with yourself, and nature.

P.S. the reason i got to go to onsen during the trip was that we stayed overnight in a nearby campsite with no showering facilities but this onsen was within walking distance so i and the other girls stopped by twice in both days.

終活

終活指南書

早兩天NHK播了一個有關日本人繼「就活」（找工作）、「婚活」（找伴侶）之後另一個興起的單詞﹣「終活」，即是為死亡準備的特輯。在大學裡讀日本文學時已知道日本人對死亡有自己獨特的解讀，不像中國人般因「大吉利是」而忌諱而談。當然也大概是因為日本的退休褔利優厚醫療制度完善，一般人老後都不必為生活擔心所以更注重心靈上的充實。令我吃驚的是他們從「終活」表現出來對死亡的坦然。具體來說，「終活」包括有：上影樓為自己拍下遺照、挑選自己的墓碑(有和式，洋式選撰）、在殯儀公司預先付款及寫下自己的一生和對親友的遺言等等。節目裡最誇張的「終活」是「遺裝」時裝騷，讓自己選喜歡的衣物離去。不過讓我最戚戚然的是其中一位看上去只有六十多歲的婦人的訪問。她替自己選了塊在櫻花樹下沒有墓碑的草地墓園為自己的長居之地，和其他不認識的人葬在一起，對此她說道：「我沒有子女，所以沒有人會來替我掃墓。但至少為其他人來掃墓的參拜者能夠欣賞到這裡的櫻花也是好的。」雖然不知道我半桶水的日文有沒有理解錯她的意思，但聽起來就不其然的有一絲心酸。

我在這裡留下一些文字為自己那微不充道的存在留下些印記，大概也是終活的一種吧。

few words on social protection

Milton Friedman in Hong Kong

" This thriving, bustling, dynamic city, has been made possible by the free market indeed the freest market in the world. The free market enables people to go into any industry that they want; to trade with whomever they want; to buy in the cheapest market around the world; to sell in the dearest around the world. But most important of all, if they fail, they bear the cost. If they succeed, they get the benefit and it's that atmosphere of incentive that has induced them to work, to adjust, to save, to produce a miracle. This miracle hasn't been achieved by government action by someone sitting in one of those tall buildings and telling people what to do. It's been achieved by allowing the market to work. Walk down any street in Hong Kong and you will see the impersonal forces of the market in operation." - Milton Friedman, 1980

I have a classmate who is an adamant follower of Milton Friedman's economic principles. He thinks that aside from national defense and foreign affairs, the government should have no role in providing any social service. Those who want unemployment/retirement insurance should purchase them in the private sectors, and government's interferences was precisely the reason of inflated medical cost. He thinks Hong Kong's economic success attests to his beliefs in laissez-faire capitalism. And to his point, private sector is almost always more economic efficient than the public sector and excessive state intervention compromises economic potential.

While I respect his free-market faith, I don't believe that nil government involvement in social services brings out the best of the economy and the people, especially in an advanced economy. As an economy develops and people become richer, the opportunity cost to innovate or to pursue a "different path" also rises correspondingly. Living in an unforgivingly competitive society, people confront not the question of job choice but a matter of survival. Even those who are better off becoming an entrepreneur or a writer has no proper outlet to develop their potential but to be stuck at their mundane day jobs just to make end meets. Social protection in the form of unemployment insurance or social security therefore can serve as a safety net for people to become the best that they can be . Of course, excessive amount of social protection bounds to have undesirable consequences. Some said that the perennial high unemployment of many southern European countries is attributed to the overly generous protection of their social security system, and I will not argue with that. People are just responding to incentives after all.

Coming back to Hong Kong, its apparent economic achievements have masked the latent issues of growing social divide and the ossified upward social channels for the young. These have been much discussed by the local intellects at the backdrop of a sudden spur of the post-80s demonstrations in the last year. These angry youngsters are despised by "social injustice", namely the overtaking of Hong Kong's economy by a few prominent families and living a life whose sole and unattainable goal is home ownership. These are all ugly manifests of the "free-market" history of Hong Kong, where monopoly law is essentially nonexistent and the long overdue minimum wage law was only introduced in August. Much else is needed to prevent further fractionalization of the city. In order for the government to regain the heart and mind of the Hong Kong resident at a time when freedom is further restricted under the tight monitoring of the mainland and fruits of economic success is unequally shared, I suppose a slow transition to a modern welfare state is inevitable.

THE mountain & me

A little bit less than two months ago, I put my name down for the Mt Fuji climbing trip after realizing the relationship was falling apart and it would be unlikely for me to be in Nana at this time. So my prescient feeling was right and i, alone, went to Mt Fuji with the other 49 (mostly) international students. Quoting from a tourist i overheard on the peak, there was not quite any mountain in the world like Fujisan which signifies so much to the nation. In short, it is the symbol and the national pride of Japan. The night before I was a little bit worried because I almost fainted in an outdoor concert couple days ago due to the heat and at times, I tend to overestimate my physical fitness. so prior to the trip, I was just praying that I would not suffer from altitude sickness because then I would not be able to check off "Climbed Mt Fuji" from my bucket list. From far, the mountain looks benevolent but it would be a huge mistake to say it was a easy trail. In fact, it was quite a physical challenge but well, the good and bad thing about climbing Mt Fuji is that it is so crowded and people literally have to wait in line to hike up, so those waiting time is actually a good time to rest and there was no pressure to catch up with your peers since people are just going up slowly. And the climb actually becomes fun once you pass through the initial slopes and you got to start using your hands to push your body up. I like that because it requires more body coordination instead of just your thigh and feet. During the hike/climb, I kept thinking back at the time me and K2 were at this mountain at Winters and I got so upset because of the endless stairs up. Then I related what would have been like if K2 was there, and whether I would be able to walk with him shoulder-to-shoulder.

It took us about 4.5 hours to reach ９合目 and by then, my thighs were hurting and my stomach was flat. The first batch of our group (including me) checked into the lodge (the highest one on Mt Fuji) at around 6:30 and a bento was served right after. Nothing fancy and I suspected that they used beef for the hamburger platter but it was not the kind of occasion that I could ask for a substitute. After the meal we were immediately led to the sleeping area which is so small that i can't even turn around without waking the person next to me. Interesting still, the bedding space was not separated by genders so I was sleeping next to a male groupmate. It was a little bit after 7pm when we were asked to go to bed and naturally, none of us could really fall sleep despite a rather long day and knowing that we had to wake up at 2am the next day to catch the sun rise. There was no shower and we were not even allowed to brush our teeth since toothpaste is prohibited so I was quite disgusted by myself.

At something around 1:30am, people are already starting to get changed and I, still exhausted, followed the suit of the others quickly put on my skiing jacket. (too tired and my nose is bleeding (why?)... to be continued tomorrow, hopefully I won't forget the details and my emotional status)

 Continuing from last night...It was still completely dark outside when we were about to took off at around 2:30am. Most people have equipped with some lighting device while I was not prepared at all. So I felt quite uneasy climbing in complete darkness, fearing that any misstep would kill myself. The mist did not help either as the rocky trails got quite slippery in midnight. Following as closely as the person in front of me as possible, I held my head down the whole time and just wished that we reached the top already. The memories of K2 kept coming back to me on the way as I imagined maybe 20 years ago, you walked on the same path to the top and I was just replicating your experience. The fact that I have not let go of him yet bothered me a lot but all I can do now is to comfort myself that at least I had invested in real feelings and it was never easy for me to fall for someone. So to have this mere experience was worthwhile.  Anyhow, at around 3:30am, we finally made it to the tori of the peak!!　やった!!! we all congratulated each other, high-fiveing and taking pictures. 


We were told that the sunrise would happen at around 5:20am so we were just hanging around before then. It was very foggy and extremely cold at the peak so when the stores opened, all the climbers flooded in to get some warm air. They served some hot food like curry rice and ramen, but I did not want to spend a fortune on midnight snacks. So I was just chatting with a friend that I met on the trip and we were just talking about the culture difference between the States and Japan. My broken Japanese has helped to facilitate a pretty interesting conversation so time passed quickly. At around 5am, we stepped outside to the cold and were waiting the sun to come out. Shivering, we hid our face behind the jackets and stared at the watch. It was getting bright but the sun never appeared. We then finally realized the fog was too thick on that morning and we would not be able to see the sunrise. At 6am, the group gathered again we started heading back to the lodge. I guess, precisely because we did not see the sunrise this time, it has given us a reason for me to come back in the future. It is inevitable that we run into some regrets in life and things are not always within our control. As we walked down, the mist disappeared suddenly and we saw that the sun was already high above a sea of clouds. It was only a few seconds before the mist came back again but that very moment was worth all the sweats and pain. After that, the mist was on and off and I was just in awe with the postcard-like view from the top. The very view has captured and boasted our imaginations and I was just grateful being able to witness this natural wonder.

The walk down proved as mentally teasing as the way up though it was probably more physically daunting. My running shoes were not very good protective gears and at around ８合目, my toes started cramping and it was all pain thereafter. The bottom was in our sight but it seemed like we would never get there. My phone vibrated at one point along the way down and at that point, I surprised myself again by how much I wished it was K2. As I saw no missed call so I guess it was really just the alarm clock. My emotional state just sank along with my altitude. なさけない...At around 11am, we made it back to the coaching bus and I just glued to my seat, not wanting to even inch my finger. The driver drove us to a nearby public path/onsen and I let loose myself in the steamy water. After two days of intense physical activities, that was the best healing treatment you could get. The lunch bento, despite visually pleasing, was less than delicious though.

This concluded my two-day trip.

you only live once. live it, don't whine

明日晴れるかな

作詞＆作曲：桑田佳祐


熱い涙や恋の叫びも
輝ける日はどこへ消えたの？
明日（あす）もあてなき道を彷徨うなら
これ以上もとには戻れない

耳を澄ませば心の声は
僕に何を語り掛けるだろう？
今は汚れた街の片隅にいて
あの頃の空を想うたびに

神より賜えし孤独やトラブル
泣きたい時は泣きなよ
これが運命（さだめ）でしょうか？
あきらめようか？
季節は巡る魔法のように

Oh,Baby.　No,maybe.
「愛」失くして「情」も無い？
嘆くようなフリ
世の中のせいににするだけ

Oh,baby. You're maybe.
「哀」失くして「楽」は無い
幸せのFeeling
抱きしめて　One more time.

或りし日の己れを愛するために
思い出は美しくあるのさ
遠い過去よりまだ見ぬ人生は
夢ひとつ叶えるためにある

奇跡のドアを開けるのは誰？
微笑みよ　もう一度だけ
君は気づくでしょうか？
その鍵はもう
君の手のひらの上に

Why,baby? Oh,tell me.
「愛」失くして「憎」も無い？
見て見ないようなフリ
その身を守るため？

Oh,baby. You're maybe.
もう少しの勝負じゃない！
くじけそうな　Feeling
乗り越えて　One more chance.

I take to myself

Oh, baby. No,maybe.
「愛」失くして「憎」も無い？
嘆くようなフリ
残るのは後悔だけ！

Oh, baby. Smile　baby.
その生命（いのち）は永遠（とわ）じゃない
誰もがひとりひとり胸の中で
そっと囁いているよ

「明日（あした）晴れるかな・・・」

遥か空の下

心を暖かめる歌

感動を、ありがとう

日本の田舎にいきたい。

明日へのマーチ　

桑田佳祐


遥かなる青い空　何処までも続く道
希望胸に歩いてた　あの夏の頃

想えば恋しいや　忘れ難き故郷
願うは遠くで　生きる人の幸せ
風吹く杜　君住む町

いい事もつらい事も　それなりに合ったけど
野も山も越えていこう　明日へのフレーフレー！

夕暮れにかすむ空　見上げれば十五夜月
黄昏に色付くは宵待ちの花

夢にも寄り添う　愛しい人の面影
もう一度逢えたら　在るがままの姿で
涙の川　溢る思い

子供らが笑う時　新しい朝が来る
希望胸に歩き出す　足音よフレーフレー！

想えば恋しいや　忘れ難き故郷
芽生えよ かの地に　命の灯を絶やさず
輝く海　美しい街　oh~~~

眼濕濕

在日本生活淚線會變得發達。

昨晚電視播放了探訪地震受災地區家庭的特備節目。地震前，這個節目會安排藝人到一些鄉村地區，在沒作任何住宿安排下，讓藝人叩門請求當地的居民讓他們渡宿一宵，是生活感滿滿的一個電視節目。而昨夜被探訪在東北居住的家庭都是前些陣子讓這些藝人住了一晚，曾在飯桌上暢談生活的舊相識。

人面依舊，景物全非。

 可幸的是他們都活下來了。雖然只是有過一天的交流，但災劫後再會相擁時的激動，感激還能存活下來的心情是就算在攝錄機下都不能假裝出來的。濃濃的人情味讓我看得眼濕濕。人與人的相處原本就應該如此純粹呀，我想。

今早起來，呻著咖啡的同時，看見新聞報導日本女足贏得世界杯，心裡又湧起一種感動。

她們身高速度都不如美國隊，對上25次交戰也未嘗一勝。但這些大概都不重要。她們代表的是一個在過去數月被天災摧殘但風骨氣節無捐的國家。沉著應戰，要相信能拿到最後勝利，她們都是這樣想吧。頑強的意志轉成能力，到最後堅韌的心讓她們獲勝。

讀著讀著又發覺眼眶濕潤了。


日本就是這樣一個可愛令人感動的國家。 

For a change of mood

About Curry

I have considered curry as a nice addition, instead of a necessity to my diet since the unstable adolescence period. Curry spices up my otherwise dull food consumption but too much spices hinder my taste buds from making out the true flavor of food. Portion of curry is also important. Ideally, there is just enough of curry to go with the rice -  too much curry sauce will inundate the leftover rice, leaving them soggy and unrecognizable.

I've tried different kinds of curry and was pretty sure over what kind of curry would best fit into my diet - the kind that blends in with and even makes better the taste of the other ingredients, and never shall it overshadow the savor of the other components. A difficult requirement, I reckoned. And since I was perfectly content with the other food choices, I have not had curry since the underwhelming choice a few years ago. Then, towards the end of last year, I came across with an amazing type of curry that I thought would be a perfect fit to my brown rice and had become quite addicted. It comes with a unique aroma and yet, unyielding in its signature flavor and at the same time highly sensitive towards the ingredients around. It has come to occupy a large part of my diet though sometimes the spices was too strong and has brought tears to my eyes. It also takes time to discover what goes best with this curry and to this point admittedly, I am still in a state of confusion after some recurring but unsuccessful attempts in incorporating it fully into my diet. My cooking skills isn't great to start with and the uniqueness of the curry was perhaps out of my reach. My frustration mounted even though I honestly thought my stomach was not that hard to please. But my parents probably know better - I have a limited capacity for spicy food in general.

The acquaintance proved short-lived. It was never my intention to part ways with something that I liked and still like so much, especially without exhausting the recipe choices. I did not give up but when a curry turns cold, there is nothing further one can do.

自粛

Many people in Japan have started their own austerity plan since the 3/11 catastrophic earthquake as a way to express sorrow for the national tragedy. While the intention is admirable, the effort actually hampered the economic recovery of the Tohoku region, a classic example of what people's good will turned detrimental. The backbone of modern economy lies in consumption and any unexpected cutback will for sure delay a speedy recovery and any self-help initiatives. Similarly, the power-saving theme which dominated the social mood the last few months lacks true economic benefit as any dip in power usage during the low-consumption months will not help store up the excess power capacity in preparation for the upcoming high-consumption months. It only reduces TEPCO's revenue, which is much needed for reparations to the affected residents around the nuclear plant. While abstinence in energy has helped us reflect on the way we have been using energy and is good for the environment in general, any senseless cut should be rethink twice. The real test of grit of this nation comes as we finally step into summer. Already we saw a 93.3% electricity usage yesterday under an unyielding 35 degree Celsius. We will see if any 自粛 practices in the last few months help us weather through this summer.

On a related note, I came across to this blog post few days ago and that resonates with this idea though the context is completely different. We like to believe that what we are doing are for the goods of others (為你好) but a lot of times, this is uncalled for and is not what your counterpart wants. What is likely the case is that we just like to self-glorify our sacrifice and claim righteousness for the sake of pride instead of listening to what the other person wants and develop mutual benefit. So next time you do something thinking that it is for the sake of that person, talk to them before proceeding. 

Well, this is actually quite a dilemma to someone who truly wants to do something good for the society - are we really helping or just self-helping?

Enough 2b in-love?

picture taken during the hike to big 'C'

*Sorry, the below is one of those tortuous self-analysis*

Today marks the end of my extended stay in California. Having been through all the departures in the past, whether it was my very own or that of friends and acquiesces, it had never occur to me that saying goodbye would be this hard but this is just one of the many things that I did not know about myself prior to this trip. Yesterday, I sobbed, halted, and sobbed again first in Kentaro's residence and then on my drive back. As I am writing this, my eyes still moistened occasionally. And that was just one of the numerous times I cried in the last 5 weeks, which in sum has exceeded the amount of tears I had shed in the last 3 years. I never knew myself as a crying baby as to me, an outward display of tears put myself in a vulnerable situation and attracted unnecessary attention. Plus, a cosine curve of emotional intensities is just counter-productive, I decided in the past. Then I realize that one simply cannot be impassive nor objective when another person is involved with your life, especially when s/he is equally if not more sensitive as you are.

If the melancholy surrounds around my leave has done anything good, it must be that it shatters our arrogant self-rightness and have pulled us closer once again. There has been ups and downs in the course of the last few weeks. Flattered with the positive and receptive responses, perhaps I have arrived with an ungrounded optimism and thought that building a relationship with be a bliss. And so it went initially until we all have to resume to our normal duties and responsibilities at some point. I used to and still question whether my individuality would be compromised in the sense that I cannot be the best of me when there is a "plus one", never does it occur to me that the other person can be a complement to my life as I to his. But this very concern was based upon my perception of my role as the "giver" of the relationship and that is such a conceited thought of me! The truth is that Kentaro is also doing his part for me, and my contribution hinges on the response that I expect to receive. I therefore feel that I am wronged when I feel like anything I get is less than what I expected. I have merely enlarged my very own "sacrifice" and extracted satisfaction in this twisted self-glorification.

I remember in one of the essay responses I received from Professor Wallace, he wrote, " I can just see you zipping through, enjoying the ideas but not too interested in slowing down to do the nitty-gritty work 100% of the time. ".  It comes back to me every now and Prof's acute observation on my character deficiencies always amazes me. I always seem to have trouble with details and a sense of complacency prevents me from striking for perfection. This has put an contrast with Kentaro's particularity and is sometimes a source of frustration. Differences, however, are opportunities for us to appreciate ad learn. I remain hopeful regardless of the adversaries going against us. I think I am already becoming a better, a more gentle, and patient person as my life no longer only resolve around me now. This will be a long learning process but we can develop more consensus and become more capable of thinking from the other person's perspective as long as we go on this path hand-in-hand.

A bubble or not?

In economics, expectation laid upon on irrational optimism leads to the formation of bubbles. Market participants chant "this time is different" when the economy takes off with a promising outlook and all news are interpreted positively despite foreboding signs of a downturn. Outrageously high evaluations of businesses/ideas are justified on grounds of unrealistic estimation of revenues. We all believe that we are smarter than our precedents and can avoid the next crash. However, what perplexes me is that most investors are actually skeptical. When they are presented with new ideas and business models, they tend to be suspicious and are rightly so. There is no expert opinion nor past experiences that can be relied on so people proceed cautiously. However, chances are that even though the new venture might be the next Google, most people would ridicule this new business, denying any possibility of its success until everyone else harps on. Only the few who are capable of independent analysis and are willing to nurture the new venture with the necessary resources would end up with the big prize.

在経済産業省的兩個月

，

経済産業省的外觀

上星期天在明報刊登的「安裕周記﹕通產省的破沙發」好像給自己在経済産業省的兩個月加上新的注譯，大有茅塞頓開的感覺之餘，很慚愧沒有寫一篇像樣的短文去反思自己在日本這半年來理應是很難得但自覺平平無奇的工作經驗，現在補上為將來作留底之用。

在経済産業省的研究所兼職了兩個月，談下上有甚麼貢獻更不能說對日本的官僚文化與制度產生深刻的認識，但從微小處可見大義，略談以下幾點：


1． Relationship matters．我這個不喑日文沒有人脈的外國留學生，如果沒有産業省內的人推薦根本沒有可能在這機構工作。十分幸運的是上個學期拿的兩課是由一位曾經在産業省內擔任甚高職位的教授主講，而我因為比較率性無禮在課內說話很多而被認識。其後在自己屢尋實習機會不果後，我便決定嘗試聯絡這位教授幫忙，不料在一星期內他便替我在産業省內搭好橋，為我找了一份替某位由中國來的學者當助理的兼職。

相較在美國找工作找實習競爭的激烈，這個實習機會可謂來得有點太容易。日本人注重的大概不是亮麗的履歷表或公式的面試過程，而是人與人之間的信任。「做生不如做熟」，産業省內的員工因為教授的經驗而相信他的推薦，而教授亦因為我在班中的表現而相信我的工作能力，所以我才會這麼容易獲得這個機會。這種互信關係減少了工作間可能出現的磨擦，亦是日本人團隊精神的另一種展現。壞處當然是有的﹣過份信任除了令制度失去自我改善的積極性外亦令制度變得不透明，使外人無所適從。

2．Everyone matters．日本人的團隊精神人所共知，我覺得這團隊精神的前題是每個個體都感到被重視和意識到自身對整個組織的重要性。每天的午休前産業省的廣播都會忠告職員離開座位時將電氣盡量關掉，減少對地球暖化的影響。我想，這不僅是這個國家對世界的承擔，這個政府部門對國家承諾的承擔，也是每個産業省職員對自身行動及對週遭環境影響的自覺。如果沒有感到被視為團體內重要的一份子， 他們不會將這廣播當一回事，不會將垃圾好好分類，不會不在車箱內用手提電話通話這些外國人看來高度自律的秩序。當然，這種自覺亦可以被譯成一種巨大的無形壓力，稍稍離軌便為社會所不容，致日本成為其中一個自殺率最高的國家。

3．Gender matters. 放眼研究所內，絕大部女性職員擔當的都是屬支援類別的工作，只有少數女性擔任研究員的職位。辦公室內只有女職員會將垃圾籃內的垃圾移至中央垃圾箱，「外遣」員工（即非正式社員）也是以女性居多。雖然至今不少日本女性都安份於男性主導的社會文化，但據我校經濟部門的伊藤教授的某專欄說，現在有很多(而且有增加趨勢)日本年輕男性屬「草食係」，即沒有競爭上進心，對工作戀愛都不感興趣，不願出國去闖，反之日本的年輕女性對外間的世界更好奇更想到外國進修或工作。這不會是短期內可達致的改變，但對日本老化和減少中的人口，更外的工作女性將可舒緩沒有足夠工人的壓力，長遠來說是一件好事。

如安裕所說，経済産業省是一所其貌不揚火柴盒般的建築物，在這裡的兩個月我得到的不是一些硬知識，而是一些不能隨手拈來需要反覆思量從經驗去提煉的軟知識。

The Quake: My Day

 I have experienced couple earthquakes since moving to Japan so when this one hit on Friday, I thought it would just be like the other ones which usually fade in a minute. However, the initial shock was different from the usual swing. It started with like a groan from the ground then followed by a slight up-and-down shake, and the shock intensified afterward. At my last day of work in RIETI, I was sitting in front of the computer in a 11 floors high government building and my office was at the highest floor. My hands gripped the keyboard tight as I sat uneasily and the shock persisted. My coworkers all stood up and they looked at each other with a surprised look. The binds in the office room made loud noises and the cabinet was banging the wall. After 30 seconds or so, I felt dizzy but I went ahead to email my parents and Kentaro about the quake and that I was fine, noting the unusual strength of the quake. I guess I was trying to find solace thousands of miles away in the midst of horror which was exaggerated for my being in an unfamiliar environment. Luckily, Kentaro was next to his computer and was able to send his comforting words over almost instantaneously, which somewhat unease my nervousness.

Floor of my office building

The first wave eventually quieted down but just when I thought it was over, the second wave hit. We all stood up, holding onto the table and I ran through scenarios in my head trying to decide whether it would be safer to be on the 11th floor or the ground floor if the building started to collapse.  We were all checking the web feverishly about any possible updates of the earthquakes as subsequent aftershocks made their presence felt. The news started to float on the web and I came to the realization that this one was indeed massive, but at that point, I still thought the damage would be minimal. After all, this is Japan, if anywhere, a nation that is best prepared for earthquakes, both technically and mentally.

people stormed inside 7-11 and all food items were gone

Things, however, made a quick turn for the worse in matter of hours. Reports of deaths started to come in and all trains were called for a halt. I left the office just before 6pm knowing that train service was unlikely to be resumed anytime soon. I looked up the route on google and took notes of the landmarks and names of the streets that I should set out for my journey. The streets were flooded with people, a rare sight that reminded me of Hong Kong but the temperature was still at single digit and I secretly regretted wearing only a thin jacket. Despite a long journey walk alone, I tried to cheer myself up by telling myself that this was quite an experience and that I was walking with all the commuters, so I was not alone. But I could not help feel sorry for myself that no one had called to check on my safety, not knowing that phone service was also disrupted. I went on walking, and stopped in a 7-11 trying to get an origini or something. To my surprise, the food racks were almost bare and I ended up getting a hot yuzu juice to warm myself before moving further. Then I realized almost all convenience stores along the way were stormed with people and all fresh food, bentos, origini alike were gone. Fast food chains and other food places that provide quick services also saw lines of people waiting, and I waited for 20 minutes to eat at a small Ramen shop across from the Tokyo University campus after walking for 1.5 hours in the cold. 

It took me another two hours to get home, in an almost uneventful fashion. I moved forward quietly with the rest of a orderly crowd, and there was no sense of panic in the air. Not even cops were needed for crowd management. The traffic barely moved but again, no horns or any signs of agitation, sirens of ambulances and fire trucks went off every 15 minutes or so and cars always made way for them to go through. 

I got home, and felt blessed that power, water and gas is still running. I turned on my laptop and saw all the emails, and messages on Facebook that friends, some of whom I have not talked to for ages, left me. I was very touched. And I guess that is the only good thing about a crisis like this. It bridged gaps of time, geography and draw you closer to people who care about you just when you thought you are alone. I cannot be more grateful for everything.

乍暖還寒

乍暖還寒的晚冬。

最近數星期每每讀到有關北非和中東的人民革命時，胸口都感到一陣暖流。在一個月之內亞拉伯地區星火燎原，對公義等普世價值一呼百應，他們讓我相信每個生命都有活得有自由、尊嚴的覺悟。一方面為因他們勇氣而帶來的改變而感到振奮，另一方面卻對報章評論都說類似的 民主運動在中國大陸不成氣候而感到無奈。中國人原本是一個擁有高尚情操深厚而優秀文化傳統的民族，但從不知何時開始，中國人的價值鍊被徹底扭曲, 變成一個造假上至學術研究成果下至藥和食品，連小學生也玩弄權術賄賂班選舉，致世人甚至中國人自身也羞與為伍的經濟動物。小說＜盛世＞裡寫到，只要給中國 人一條縫，他便能撐出一片天，但眼下的政制專權卻不斷收窄堤口，人性在製度的壓迫下愈見敗壞。歷史的種種偶然使一百年前的辛亥革命只能完成其一半使命，反之從未經歷過任何內部革命的日本在外部條件下卻成功轉型成君主立憲制的民主模式，歷史輪迴實在叫人無可奈何。

相比起突尼斯亞和埃及的和平革命，利比亞的血腥震壓造成的人命傷亡令人認清現實的殘酷。利比亞的獨裁者說，就如中國的六四震壓一樣，會不惜將槍頭調向人民來維護國家穩定。聽後，心冷了一大截。 當前中國的政治生態比起六四時沒多大改變，但一次又次對維權人仕的打壓卻顯示出政府的肆無忌憚。即使真的有大規模示威，領導人們大概亦會毫不猶疑的如六四般暴力清場。

「可以不為自由而戰，但不能為高牆添磚。」

韓寒這樣說。

的而且確，我沒有為自由而義無反顧的勇氣，只能消極的沉溺在自己覺得安心的世界而盡量做到不為高牆添磚。

過山車

荒廢了這裡近兩個月，現在要應爸爸的要求用中文寫自己的生活，竟有點執筆忘字的吃力感。除了疏於中文寫作的練習，基本上除了每星期和家人的電話對話外，日常生活因絕大部分以英語和少量日語勉強過得下去而沒有機會說母語。倒是和友人說起英語時會突然有加插日文俚語的衝動，中文機能卻是不掙的在退化。

在日本的第一個學期剛完了一個星期，在這裡作一個小總結。

學業上，開學的首個半月完全沒有壓力可言，還以為日本的教育制度不過是一片蛋糕可以無驚無險4點零的時候，其中兩班的考試與project的難度和要求卻嚇了我一跳。這個覺悟除了讓我的額頭長滿暗瘡外，還令一向懶叻唔衰得的我發現自己的嚴重不足。過於習慣美國班房的自由不放任和對日本學校制度的不熟悉令我有想用功也無從入手的無力感，此外壓力還來自某些很超班的同學(在 journal published 了好幾篇論文）和某很不濟的組員（貢獻＝零），所以過去兩個月基本上是推掉了所有交際活動而變得很自閉。成績雖然還未發但相比起在美國時的自信，擔心的是A和A﹣的分別，現在等待的心情是不安，擔心的是不合格的可能性。雖然抱怨的事與人可以一直數下去，但讀書終究是自己的事，自己心態的改變亦讓我比起以前對成績沒那麼著緊。在NY時便發現自己追求的根本不是「高薪高職高級品搏尊敬」，生活裡只要有思維的空間和刺激我就覺得很滿足。當然我還是希望能夠進入理想的PhD課程，但如果這兩年證實了自己不是學術研究的材料，我想我還是可以在美國過輕鬆快樂的生活。

情感上，過上兩個月也是有如過山車般大起大落。這裡先不談太多因為未來一個半月可能是另一個轉捩點，我不是樂觀的人，不懂得怎樣在別人相處時適當的保持自我，不懂得怎樣表達自己真實的情感，經常自相矛盾而很容易讓人覺得無所適從。我希望的是在加深認識另一個人的同時可以更了解自己，現在的我雖然還是感到很不踏實但我是快樂的。

這一年來我覺得自己真是幸運得有點不知所謂的人，可以在還沒有嘗苦頭的情況下走自己想走的路。 未來，我仍舊看不清楚但我相信，我的每一個下一步也是向前邁進了。

Global Justice:The Ultimate Goal of Globalization

 My Submission to the St Gallen Student Competition:

http://www.stgallen-symposium.org/Leaders-of-Tomorrow/Student-Competition.aspx

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Global Justice: The Ultimate Goal of Globalization

Introduction

The financial crisis has exerted a profound impact on the existing power balance. A relative decline in American power has weakened its world leadership as the economic center of gravity continues to shift from the West to the East. While a convergence in wealth gap can be seen as a welcoming sign as more people are lifted out from poverty, the rapidity of the rise of emerging economies and the redistribution of power associated with the transfer of wealth has naturally provoked some uneasiness in the West. In light of this change, it is important for us to note that the background of the discussion has changed substantially from the Cold War era to the new globalized world. We shall therefore shy away from the traditional model of “balance of power” in examining international relations. Instead, we ask whether a set of new guiding principles that transcend national boundaries shall be embraced when considering the redistribution of power in the global scene.

This essay contends that in the interconnected global society, it is a moral responsibility to accept global justice as a premise of discussions over inequalities among different nation states. The argument rests on the notion that globalization has bonded people of different states together and that the well being of a nation is now deeply dependent on the other states. Along the same line of reasoning, we examine where domestic injustice intersects with global justice and extends that as world citizens, not only should we be concerned over the large gap in living standards between the third and the rich world, we should also work towards a more egalitarian global society for both moral and practical reasons. Secondly, a general outline of what global justice should encompass of in the emerging global society will also be discussed in this paper. The attempt was deliberately general, aimed to provide a broad framework instead of specific policy recommendations. Lastly, the paper asserts that global justice relies on a just and sustainable institutional architecture and several features of what I believe to constitute to such a system are discussed.

Injustice at home - A case study of Hong Kong

Born and raised in Hong Kong, I shall use Hong Kong’s development as an example to illustrate the intertwined relationship between the distribution of economic and political power and how, a system without fair representation tends to exploit the bottom of the social classes.

“In matters of truth and justice, there is no difference between large and small problems, for issues concerning the treatment of people are all the same.” – Albert Einstein

13 years have passed since the return to China, Hong Kong has found itself at a crossroad once again. Politically, the city is mandated to establish itself as an integrated and integral part of the authoritarian China without compromising on the progression towards full democracy. Socially, Hong Kong's wealth gap has increased markedly since the end of the colonial era. Its Gini Coefficient, a measure of inequality, is now the highest among the 27 advanced economies in the world[1]. The notorious cage living is an example of the deprivation that exists in one of the most modern cities in the world. About 100,000 poverty-stricken residents live one by one in a cage made of wooden planks and wire mesh of an area only large enough for a mattress and a few possessions. This growing social divide is mirrored by an equally uneven distribution of political rights and is inextricably linked to the struggle over universal suffrage. Only half of the 60 seats in the legislative council are elected through a system of universal suffrage, while the other half remains to be elected through ‘functional constituencies’, a small elitist circle compromising of special interest groups. The struggle over universal suffrage is not only a political struggle; it is a struggle over fairness in sharing the fruits of economic achievement.

Necessity to Accept Global Justice as a Premise

Moving the lens away from Hong Kong, the world we live in now is also characterized by glaring and excessive inequalities. One of every six person in our world is destitute. These one billion people live on less than a dollar a day and cannot secure basic needs such as food, clean water and shelter. Another 1.5 billion people live with less than 2 dollars a day with minimal health care and education[2]. Nevertheless, the problem of global injustice manifests itself outside of economic indicators. About 60% of the poorest countries experienced civil conflict of varying intensity and duration in the period 1990–2001[3]. Basic human rights are trampled and denied to billions of people. They live under oppressive regimes, are subject to arbitrary imprisonment and tortures, being raped and forced into prostitution with basic security threatened and dignity stripped away. They are deprived access to education and other means that can help them to live an autonomous and dignified life.

As John Rawls states in the Theory of Justice,

“The natural distribution is neither just nor unjust; nor is it unjust that persons are born into society at some particular position. These are simply natural facts. What is just and unjust is the way that institutions deal with these facts.”

It is a fact that there exist innate differences between nations but what is unjust is how the system exploits such difference and marginalizes our world. The growing social contradiction in Hong Kong has illustrated that systematic inequality stems directly from an unjust institutional arrangement, which is tilted to protect the existing powers. Channels of upward mobility are capped for the impoverished states. They simply have no chance.

With unemployment hitting record highs and state finance at fiscal brink after the crisis hit, many in the rich world now see globalization as a threat to their living standard. Together with the dissatisfaction of the economy, exaggerated income inequalities and poor governance may spark social unrest and protectionism may be renewed in the midst of such depressing social mood. The effect will be devastating to the global poor if we shut down our borders. If domestic injustice, which has been amplified by the financial crisis, is not properly handled, injustice will be exported to outside of borders as the third world is cut off from accesses to resources. The connection between domestic and global justice, however, is not a one-way process. If we have a more egalitarian global world, it will in return empower the bottom social classes at home to fight for their fair share of resources. Global justice is therefore more than a moral assertion as it exerts real practical implications to domestic governances.

The Skeptics

Some argue that global justice is not possible because justice only concerns citizens living in the same state. Other states that a commitment to global society requires roots of common cultures and global justice is therefore impractical[4]. These views should be contested in the new globalized world.

Implications of Globalization

“In this interconnected age, our security and prosperity depend on the ability to bring others to the table to solve problems in their own countries and regions. We are stronger when we work together.” - Hilary Clinton

Globalization has transformed the economic landscape by significantly reducing production cost, opening potential markets, and by increasing flows of capitals and goods. It has assisted to lift millions out from poverty and open previously unimaginable possibilities to many. Multinational companies, with their supply chain now covers different states, are held responsible for the labor conditions of their suppliers. The firm’s social commitment is stretched beyond its region of domiciliary region. Apple, for example, has a Supplier Code of Conduct that asks its suppliers around the globe to fulfill a set of mandated labor standard and demands correction actions should violations are discovered.

Politically, new forms of global governance have emerged to regulate issues that concern all states and they operate outside the framework of state sovereignty. The UN has subsidiaries that touch upon various areas of global concerns. Its function is not limited to provide a platform for dialogues exchanges but also to mobilize common efforts to enforce and protect rights of member states. Similarly, institutions such as the World Bank and IMF, whose work has delivered significant impact to the livelihood of many across the globe, have the important responsibility to ensure the stability in the global financial system. Regional organizations such as the European Union, ASEAN have also played an increasingly important role in facilitating regional cooperation. These organizations link regions and interests together, creating a new and broader definition of cultural and regional identity that has blurred traditional national boundaries. The development of these new, outside-of-border institutions has important and extensive implications to human welfare.

What should Global Justice entail?

The pursuit of Global Justice needs to be coupled with realistic planning and a sensitive understanding of the deeper definition of justice. Here, I shall identify two areas that we need to address in the new era of globalization.

Basic Necessity

Access to basic necessities of a dignified life - such as clean water, food, shelter, education and healthcare should be ensured. It is morally unacceptable that we turn a blind eye to the socioeconomic deprivations of the third world when these are the basic rights that the rich world has taken for granted. As the world becomes more integrated, engagement should be extended to those who have been hitherto left behind.

Human Rights

Humans rights as basic security of human dignity should be protected in all societies. Everyone in the world should be protected against threats from tortures, arbitrary imprisonment, forced prostitution or marriage and compulsory labor. Many in our world still live in fear despite having done nothing to deserve such miseries.  

Institutional architecture designed for all

“Justice and power must be brought together, so that whatever is just may be powerful, and whatever is powerful may be just.” - Blaise Pascal

In light of the changing political landscape, it is important to ask whether the current global institutional architecture is dynamic and fair enough to accommodate the increasing number of international players. The below outlines three main elements that I believe are crucial to ensure power is distributed in a fair, productive and sustainable way.

Unaccountable, Unchecked and Underrepresented Power is Unacceptable

The basic principle of Justice is that power holders are responsible for the people its power extends to[5]. In the new world order with more influential actors involved, we need to make sure actions of these actors are held accountable as impact of policies made by these global players are now far-reaching.

Every individual and every state matters. The only way we can ensure that no one is left behind is when powerful states or institutions set agenda on issues of global concerns, smaller states can have their opinions taken accounted to. In view of that, regionalization of states is likely to continue and should be encouraged.

Transparency and Independence

As global institutions become more relevant and powerful in the world, policy-making within these institutions needs to be more transparent. The independence of these institutions should also be cherished to make sure the delivery of service is efficient. Affiliations to any specific country of the global institutions would surely arouse suspicions and undermines the effectiveness of the organization.  

Built-in Incentives and disincentives

With a relative decline in American power, it has become more important to have strong incentives for cooperation and disincentives for detachment cemented in the instructional architecture to ensure that power is distributed in a sustainable manner. The new world order requires participations of all states to ensure the effectiveness of the solutions to shared problems such as environment and human rights.

A Call to Globalize Justice

The paper has stated the moral and practical grounds for the legitimacy of global justice. While the project of Global Justice is grand in scope and nature, it is in my belief that justice can be exported and imported just like other tangible products. If the poor in Hong Kong can be better protected, the influence will be felt across borders in Mainland China and to the other parts of the world. Unfortunately, it is also true that injustice will spread as the bottom class continues to be exploited domestically. In the relentless march towards global integration, we should recognize the responsibilities that come with the power and wealth we have accumulated in addressing the socioeconomic deprivations that exist within and outside of the states we live in. So let’s start from home, and globalize justice.  

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[1] Einhorn, Bruce. Countries with the Biggest Gaps Between Rich and Poor. Retrieved December 10^th, 2010 from http://finance.yahoo.com/banking-budgeting/article/107980/countries-with-the-biggest-gaps-between-rich-and-poor

[2] Cohen, J. (2007) . Global Justice. Retrieved from http://globaljustice.stanford.edu/publications/global_justice/

[3] World's 50 Poorest Countries. Infoplease. Retrieved December 10^th 2010, from http://www.infoplease.com/ipa/A0908763.html

[4] Maffettone, S. (2007). Universal Duty and Global Justice. Retrieved from 

http://globaljustice.stanford.edu/publications/21497/

[5] Cohen, J. (2007) . Global Justice. Retrieved from http://globaljustice.stanford.edu/publications/global_justice/