Ivory tower

View from Cowles Mountain, San Diego

Simply put, the first quarter of grad school was hellish. The sheer amount of course material was insane, probably exceeding a year's worth of studying in college. The week before finals I was hiding out in the lab 7:30am to 9pm, trying to cram in all that was taught (and not taught) in 10 weeks while consuming only bread and coffee. Grades ended up being so-so and professors have probably already deemed me unworthy to be an economist, which I am OK with since I am only lukewarm about being an academic to begin with. Knowing my own limitation and thus, perhaps as a deflection of pride, I grew slightly detached as the quarter flew by and I met more like-minded people at school. Even though I am not especially a social person since I find most people either hypocritical or dull, nothing makes me happier than being able to connect with other individuals on a deeper and meaningful level. It was when people were around that I found myself fully transited into a new life that seems to isolate me from everything else and yet, one which I secretly enjoyed despite the mounting pressure. In this ivory tower I was shelled off from any realistic concerns, and could focus only on learning or rather, just catching up. I felt both comfortable and insecure at the same time - comfortable in that both the direction and goal was clear at this stage, and insecure in that my decision to enroll in a PhD program is a complete waste of not only my time but my professors' as well. Truth to be told, I thought of quitting pretty much every day but well, it is still early in the game to call quit and I will be cautiously hopeful now. Even though I am pretty sure that I will become really miserable by the end of the first year, I have resolute to have a first year with no regrets in San Diego.

the Japan I knew of

About 1 week before my scheduled departure when the real sense of leaving this country finally pressed on me, to my surprise, an unfamiliar sadness and heaviness overtook me. I have moved a lot the past 11 years, couple times within the same city, but more so across cities and states, and this time across borders and sea, so naturally I thought I would be immune from the melancholy of leaving one place for another. But this time it is different.

This time I was not 100% convinced that my decision to leave Tokyo would lead me to a better future. I had doubts, and I thought it would have worked out nicely too if I stayed - Forget about graduate school, I would just get a job in Tokyo, work like a mature adult and settle down. It didn't happen of course. A week later, i was en route to San Diego to lengthen my academic journey. However, the mere thought of settling was definitely something - part of it might be age but I genuinely believed that Japan could be my home in the future.

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Yes, its glorious days of world economic supremacy might have been behind its back but Japan has never lost its 根気. 根気 is what defines a nation and it is something that never breaks in adversaries. In fact, it becomes stronger and unite people together when difficulty presents itself. You do not shy away from challenges; you stand up to them even when things do not go on your way. Only in great difficulties does it reveal the nation's true characteristics. I know not a nation or race with so much perseverance and character like Japan. What is significant is that this Japanese 根気 stems from the love for their people and country, not from hatred against other nations or race. There is just a vibe of composure in the atmosphere, unlike Hong Kong or even some parts of the US, where air of haste and anxiousness afloat. 

The Japanese are unique in a lot of ways. In my opinion the "variety" of Japanese people definitely spans wider than the Hong Kong people or Chinese that I have encountered with: a female classmate who has worked in the development field in Afghanistan, college student who majors in Indonesian because he wants to understand better the largest Muslim country, family who runs a farm for mentally disabled people, Japanese language teacher who lived and taught in Vietnam, PhD economics student who traveled miles to some poor countries to run natural experiments... they have all demonstrated to me the possibility of lives that is unseen of and unimaginable in Hong Kong with their daring souls. On a separate but related thought, many said that Japanese are inward-looking but the statement was flat wrong to me. Yes, my "sample selection" is probably biased (excuse my economic terminology) since the people I interact with are mostly in an academic setting but the people mentioned above have shown to me that the Japanese world view is way more comprehensive than the world view of Hong Kong, which despite how it prides itself as an international city, is embarrassingly ignorant about some very important parts of the world such as the middle east and south east America.

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I have not used the word "touched",  "感動" a lot in the past but in the past two years, Japan has filled my life with so much of these "itchy touchy" moments that have soften my tacky way of seeing the world. I was unsure how I could best leverage this past two years to the better use of my future but then I realize, Japan is already embodied in me - whatever I do, its influence shall remain. This is a country I shall be forever in debt to.

"Educated"

hunger strike protest against national education

To watch the way the event unfold around "national education" is disheartening. How did Hong Kong come down to this.. these secondary schools students, not even 18 years of age, went on hunger strike as their last resort to put pressure on the government before schools reopen on 9/2. How can the government officials turn away from them and see only Beijing in their eyes? When will Hong Kong come together and stand behind these students?

A propaganda in disguise, the "national education" has a clear political mission. Some said, "every country has its own national education, what is wrong with having one in Hong Kong?" First and foremost, "national education" shall not be mistaken as "civic education". The aim of "civic education" is to educate students to become responsible citizens who appreciate, and work to protect the rights of others. And quite the contrary, "national education" at its core glorifies nationalism, justifies the wrong that the party has committed with logic that seems right on the surface or unrelated facts that has no empirical correlations (the country is too vast, and the people are too diverse for effective democratic governance...etc). Proponents of "national education" also defend "national education"  by claiming that "national education" introduces students to "alternative thinking" - one that deviates from the universal values of the West and fits into the "Chinese reality". And that again, is bull. The "Chinese reality" is the twisted reality where people are denied the right to speak the bare truth, the inconvenient truth against the party. Our children need to be taught how to differentiate the white from the black, not how to make excuse for the black. Proponents would probably say that people like me are brainwashed by the western ideals. I disagree. The values that I believe in, namely democracy, individual freedom and rule of law are all driven by wants and needs of human kind and that is, to love and respect others. These are universal values and I don't see any room for compromise.

I have had many chances to interact with students from the mainland in the past two years and I have always been extremely cautious in the beginning. They were all top students from the mainland, spoke good English and Japanese and were all extremely nice and eager to make friends. But I always found it shocking when our views on Chinese government's handling in different events differ by great length. From disaster responses to apparent man-made mistakes, most of them did not display any anger nor agitation against the government and they were ready to defend with "facts" (China being a developing country... etc). The only time when they seem to be slightly perturbed, and quick in correcting the rest of the class (though in very good manner) was related to territorial issues in China. The story goes like this, a group in our class made a powerpoint presentation with the map of China at the backgroun and on the map, Taiwan was not included. Immediately after the presentation in the Q&A session, a Peking University student pointed that out bluntly and said in an almost accusing fashion to the presenting group, "If you just want to find a symbol of China you could have used the Panda or something - you should not use the incorrect map of China" ... (the topic of the presentation was actually about Chinese foreign aid policy and so the map has nothing to do with the topic of the presentation) And at that point, I thought to myself, "so that is what it is like to be "educated"."

I don't think that patriotism can be taught just like how you cannot teach someone how to love. So please, just leave our children alone.

The Beautiful Tohoku

San Diego is known for its yearlong mild sunny climate and my new school is only 10 minutes away from the Pacific Ocean. But the close proximity to the sea has constantly reminded me of the affected areas in Tohoku, which must also had been beautiful before the disaster struck last year… well no, it IS still a beautiful place.
 

Images of Tohoku have branded in my mind since the trip early this month. In a span of 3 days, we met with city mayors, officials, doctors, enterprise leaders, NPO leaders, university students and victims alike and have learned from them the sheer force of the tsunami, the difficulties that they face in resuming their original lives and most importantly, the plans that they have for their future. We also saw with our own eyes the mounting debris that are waiting to be removed, the still largely unkempt affected areas in 福島 and towns including 南三陸 and 陸前高田 where most of the buildings were reduced to their foundations. There was just too much information to swallow in mere 3 days. Before the trip, I thought I have seen and heard everything about this disaster from the media and how wrong I was! And while progress has been made, it is just plain ignorant to believe that Tohoku is already on track to recovery.

Mr. Suzuki

Enterprise leader Mr. Takeda

This trip has renewed my faith in humanity. If there is anything we can celebrate out of this disaster, it must be the glory of humanity and the hope towards a better future embedded in it. The people that we met in this trip are all devoted to restore vitality to the once closely knitted community. One of the most memorable experiences of this trip to me was the sharing session by Mr Suzuki, the community leader of the temporary housing in 南三陸市, who is also a victim himself and is now working to organize various activities for the residents to gather in the hope of building a new community. He recollected the event on 3/11 and the subsequent few days to us in a plain, soft voice and a cool tone that sounds almost like detachment. He told us how he found and carried more than 10 corpses from a nearby hospital where most of the deceased died because they could not walk. Under that soft voice, I can hear and feel an intense sorrow… it was as if a part of him was forever hollowed out by the tsunami. Despite the trauma, he remains in the town and is working to bring the community together again. And this is just one of the many encounters in this trip that touched me deeply. The meeting with the enterprise leaders in 気仙沼 moved me in a different way. They detailed to us the difficulties confronted their operation but they always carried a faint smile when they spoke. It was almost as if they were going through all these mess with ease and ungrounded optimism. I asked myself where could this optimism possibly come from and recalled one of the last things that they said in the meeting：根性, which loosely translated to willpower I suppose. This really just highlights the resilience and perseverance of the Japanese people and nation.

I felt extremely powerless and out-of-place the whole time during the trip. It was in this context and frame of mind that I see how insignificant I am and what I am trying to do with my life. In Tokyo, we touted ourselves with pride as the students of University of Tokyo but the encounters in this trip have reminded me that it is not the title that counts; it is the people and what you are trying to do for them that matter. The group also had a small sharing session on the bus when we were on the way back to the hotel and I still remember vividly what Noah reminded us as students of public policy: our goal shall not be to devise the grandest and most efficient policy vehicle possible. Instead we shall always have in mind the people affected by the policy because in the end, it is the people and certainly not our ego that we are trying to serve.

艱難

圖示的是日本經濟產業省的招聘海報，簡單的一句：「這可能是日本最艱難的工作。」我心裡嗔笑﹣他們真不知道甚麼是艱難。

艱難是，掩蓋良心指鹿為馬。

艱難是，明明是不合理，不公義的事，面對它卻要左顧右盼有口難言。

艱難是，說服自己經濟騰飛比人性光輝重要。

相比起這些，要復興日本經濟又有何難?

如果你有這能耐，請加入成為香港的管治班子。

The rainbow will last

Few weeks back, Obama announced his formal approval for gay marriage and it got me thinking how far we have come in moving to recognize the rights of every individuals in this country. From race to gender and now, we are starting to nullify the differences in sexual orientation. Truth to be told I never thought deep into this issue as marriage itself does not appeal to me as necessity - isn't "civil union" just fine? I mused. Then it occurred to me that many in the past might as well have thought voting is not a necessity and passed on female voting. Despite how I see myself as a liberal, my view on these so-called sensitive issues, was to a very large extent shaped by the mainstream media. And now, thanks to Obama, i have come to see the need to approve, and embrace gay marriage in our society if we were to call our country the land of freedom.
 
A pretty timely coincidence was that Anthony Wong from the alternative band Tat Ming Pair in Hong Kong publicly came out as gay around the same time. As if he was some rare species, the reaction of Hong Kong media and society was just outright disgusting. His sexuality immediately became his totality, and his musical talent and contribution to the entertainment industry was wiped at once. And looking around in Japan, it still amazes me that how this country, despite its emphasis on "fitting in", has had a unique take on LGBT. Just to name some examples, many probably know about the "boy love" comic book series and moreover, one could frequently see transsexuals and men dressed in women apparel appear on regular variety shows. I think they are unimaginable in the Hong Kong entertainment scene. Outside of entertainment though, the subject is still largely muted in social discourse and therefore, I would not say Japan is a more tolerant society than that of Hong Kong but in the very least, its "subculture" has opened up another channel for the less-represented groups to become full human.

散談浪漫

中大校長沈祖堯道：「人生是應該浪漫的，做大學生是應該浪漫的」。一個獲譽無數的醫師學者，想必一開口便學術理論滔滔，卻像藝術家般談起浪漫﹣ 在香港這個不能夠更現實的城市，這句話本身已很浪漫。

香港人甚麼事也太匆忙，只談生存不談生活。但其實我覺得香港人是可以很浪漫的，尢其在大是大非前「要搵食」沒有成為我們不去尋找公義的藉口。每年這個春夏交換的時候，我總告訴自己下年如果身在香港我一定會出席集會，然後暗暗嘆氣。我不知道這嘆喟代表了我這十一年來都在外國的慚愧，還是痛心於強國慢慢變成為小說1984裡的反智國度。

環顧現在身處的學校，當身近的人都為進入博士學程而刻苦學習的時候，我經常會想：知識會讓我成為一個像沈教授般浪漫的賢者嗎。答案是否定的。如果知識只能讓我在學問上長足但沒有令我的收養進步，那即是說我就算成為教授也沒有打動學生的能力。大概這只是我給自己不溫習而走來寫blog的藉口，但我相信一個學者沒有賢者之風的話，他遠遠來不及一個對社會有承擔的15歲中學生。

Sakura

Few weeks back the Sakura here in Tokyo were in their full blossom and have dressed the city in pink. People flocked to the various parks, carrying with them alcohol and bento. They would just spend the whole day eating, drinking and chatting under the sakura trees. Sakura season is short-lived though. A week later the flowers were all gone and the green replaced the pink. The closing of the sakura season was anti-climatic, almost pathetic. Unlike firework which always ends with a bang, piece by piece, one by one, the flower just detached itself and decomposed. Maybe there was beauty in such a departure also but it was melancholic to witness something so beautiful just disappeared over a course of one-week time. Perhaps the real reason for my grief was to realize that life returned back to its dull, uninspiring form thereafter.

well, that is until the next sakura season.


桜の花びら散るたびに 届かぬ思いがまた一つ
涙と笑顔に消されてく そしてまた大人になった

本音はきれいじゃない

It's one of those songs that I'd say "fxxk, this is how i fxxking feel"

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Now and then I think of when we were together 
Like when you said you felt so happy you could die 
Told myself that you were right for me 
But felt so lonely in your company 
But that was love and it's an ache I still remember 

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness
Like resignation to the end, always the end
So when we found that we could not make sense
Well you said that we would still be friends
But I'll admit that I was glad it was over

But you didn't have to cut me off 

Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing 

And I don't even need your love 

But you treat me like a stranger and I feel so rough

No you didn't have to stoop so low 

Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know 

Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over 
Part of me believing it was always something that I'd done 
But I don't wanna live that way 
Reading into every word you say 
You said that you could let it go 
And I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know

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Yes, i am still bitter over it.

很浪漫的一首歌。

Rediscovering Canto-Pop

黃耀明:春光乍洩
你以目光感受　
浪漫寧靜宇宙 總不及兩手　
輕輕滿身漫遊 再見日光之後　
慾望融掉以後 那表情會否　
同樣溫柔 意亂情迷極易流逝
難耐這夜春光浪費
難道你可遮掩著身體　來分享一切
愈是期待愈是美麗
來讓這夜(乍現)春光代替 難道要等青春全枯萎　
至得到一切 (難道要等一千零一世　才互相安慰)
你我在等天亮　或在沉默醞釀 以嘴唇揭開　
講不了的遐想 你我或者一樣　
日夜尋覓對象 卻朝夕妄想　
來日方長

Community

graduation ceremony of a local elementary school

This entry came in delay but hey, better late than nothing.  On the second day of my arrival to Kagoshima, i followed my host father in a small truck to sell tofu products around the village. A list of usual customers was logged in advance and we drove by their houses one by one, which scattered around the village, and knocked at their door to see if they would like to purchase anything. At one of the houses lives alone an old lady of age probably over 65. When we slide-opened the door, I saw that 140 yen was already sitting at the door and she was clearly expecting us. I passed over a block of 木綿 tofu as my host father exchanged a few greetings and introduced me. She nodded  at me sweetly, said some encouraging words and we receded. My host father later said many of the aged residents in the village barely leave the house since many of them have difficulty walking and driving is out of question as well. With limited interaction with outside, the brief exchange seemed to be something they look for in a day. We continued circling around the village, and my host father would say something about the weather, and occasionally asked about the sons/daughters of the households if he knew about them. Their children are usually working in some cities far away from the village that I was at. They only come back during the holidays in 年末 and お盆.

After dinner on the following day, while I was chatting with the host parents over tea, an announcement of a male voice broke out from nowhere. Alerted, I looked around the house, and my host mother pointed to a corner in the kitchen space. There was a small broadcasting device. The announcer was saying that a villager has passed away tonight. "1 person less...the town has exactly 8900 people now" I thought to myself. My host father later told me that the announcement system was a good way to keep everyone informed of the up-and-about of the village since it is a small community.  Sad news or good news, everyone shares the sadness and the joy that comes around.

Everything in this town was of novelty to me but it all felt so right. I never knew my neighbors growing up nor had I lived in a small town my entire life. To me, "community" has always been a distanced concept that I could not relate to. When people said they wanted to give back and contribute to the community that they grew up with, I always dumbfounded. But the two-week in Kagoshima has substantiated the meaning of a community for me - though it might be late, I think I have retrieved a part of me that has till then never been there.

Model and Defect

washing dishes together

Some background info: the village I went to as a exchange student located at the southest end of Kagoshima, with a population of 8900 people. At 43%, it also has the highest ratio of aged 65+ residents among the different districts in Kagoshima prefecture. My host family has 4 members. The father is the head of a NPO farming facility which hires mainly people with mental disability. The mother also works in the facility, but not on a full-time basis. She also cooks very well. There are two kids, aged 8 and 4 respectively. The little girl is very cute but wants to have her way all the time, likes to follow me everywhere and pinches me to get my full attention. The boy likes to read manga, athletic, and is very kind to his lil sis. They are the model Japanese family in my opinion.

On the second day of my arrival,  I got a chance to tour around the farming facility. The site includes various plant fields (tea leaves, carrot, onions and such), a ham processing facility, a bakery, a small cow raising area as well as workers' dormitory and recreational area. My tour guide is a man with down's syndrome and he commutes to the facility everyday doing some light manual work. He talks clearly and has a better command of Japanese than I do. He told me that he had a big heart surgery when he was small; I later found out that this was common among down's syndrome patients. I had a very pleasant time walking around and talking with him. My host family later said he is the "spokesperson" of the farm and loves to talk to different people even though at times he makes up story in order to make the conversation flow. But I thought that was very nice of him. On my third and forth day, I worked in the plantation area alongside with workers of light degree of mental disability. Most of them have completely normal appearance. They were very diligent and did not seem to mind repeating manual and robotic work. I spent most time with an old lady above 70 and she was the cutest old lady I ever met, always cracking jokes and even took care of me when we were in the cafeteria. Both she and her daughter live in the dorms of the facility. We picked out tomatoes, cleaned and weighted them and put them into small plastic bags, all by hand. We also packed green onions together and there went the day. A lot of times I did not understand what the workers were saying to me but they always gave me a big smile and I felt like I was most welcomed.

These 2 days got me into deep thinking that the line of between role model and the rest is not that clear-cut after all. And in fact on site yesterday, I was mistaken to be one of the workers there by a staff and he later apologized to me. I thought that was funny and the movie "Shutter Island" popped up on my mind but really, we are not all that different from them. Here I am, in a perfect family who works for the bettering of people with innate disability and that to me, is true harmony.

Related links
花の木農場

生活的藝術

看到某搏客的文章說到「沉澱比吸收」重要，只要好好細味審視，看似刻板的生活也能發找到得著。如此說來現在的我更需要沉澱凝固的時間。5日前離開東京出發到鹿児島的兩星期交流，期間在大阪稍作停留順道觀光。雖然在東京生活的一年半內已經學會了經歷了很多，但這5天尤其充實得著甚多，現作小回顧將精彩的回憶急凍保鮮。

大阪內印象最為深刻的是在大阪國立美術館的草間弥生作品展。草間弥生雖然年過70但仍然在活躍地創作，是最能代表日本的當代藝術家之一。欣賞她的作品就像要解讀她的人生一樣不是人人也能參透，自問雖然沒有藝術的慧根，只是，看著她的繪畫與雕刻便能感受到她對生命的熱情對藝術的執著。她為自己最近的collection作了這樣的註釋：「...當我確實感受到人的生命是個不息的循環的時候，當中的喜悅令我跨越了對死亡的恐懼，我決意要每一天都藉著最好的藝術將人性最美好的一面展現出來...」在她的作品裡我看到自己的不濟﹣草間雖然已經不良於行但仍每一天在畫在創作，我所謂的奮鬥根本不值一提。在她的作品裡我更看到生命的無限可限性，只要不給藉口自己美好的事情一定會發生。其次在大阪內為生命留痕的是hostel裡的friday night party。席上和剛認識在本地從事藝術工作的人言談甚歡，摸著酒杯談文化，日文英文交雜，隔膜意外地簡單刺破。

生活的藝術或藝術的生活﹣在大阪這個自古以商業聞名的城市，都比我想象的更精彩。

來回折返人間

要到白川鄉村莊，遊客要走過吊橋，跨過一條水流湍急但看來不太深的川流。吊橋不長，大概走兩分鐘便到達彼岸，但要真正的從一邊走到另一邊卻如隔世般遠。白川鄉像個不現實只會出現在宮崎駿動畫內的國度，魔幻而神秘。從展望台俯瞰，它更像中國的墨水畫，山巒深淺有序。屋頂用茅草鋪成的一百四十多個小屋被山巒環繞著，河流在旁邊不息的急湍，它們謙卑的靜處著，沒有爭奇鬥艷的氣勢卻和周圍的自然完全融合。在大自然前人都是微不足道的，白川鄉的平實大概是它正正的魅力所在之一。我站在展望台，看著前面的景色，深深吸了一口氣，心裡既激動又平安。不以物喜，不以己悲﹣這是白川鄉給我上的一課。

In my face

step back from the window of your vision.

It has become clear to me that my academic journey shall take a detour or has simply hit a dead-end after two back-to-back rejections. While I am not completely dejected, there is no doubt some hard feelings and confusions in mind over the future path. Yet, the hard feeling has translated into something like a "shame-on-me" embarrassment after I hit the new national art museum today. There were few showcase of art students' graduation work on site and most of them were paintings and sculptures. I toured around all the sessions, spent less than 5 seconds at most work only to skim through the title and get a general impression of the piece. But don't get me wrong, they were amazing artwork with thought-provoking ideas. I could not imagine the effort and time that has put into them... but what I could imagine was the self-doubt that many of them have to undergo at some point before the completion of the work. Doubt whether one possesses the talent, doubt whether the dream will come true... This is an unforgiving society - they must have been, and needed to be extremely strong and determined in order to finish their degree. And how could I, who have jumped around different disciplines with no track records of commitment and clear talent, be expected to achieve greatness just because some people around said "you are smart". The silly thing is that I bought in, somehow getting myself to believe that even without a good foundation, I could catch up with the rest because "I am smart". But the sad truth is I am not even that smart to start with. These two rejections dunked on me and have done me good- I've been too lenient on myself, owning to the fortune that life has endowed on me. To elevate my game, I need to be more desperate and I owe that to myself.

Heaven and Hell

Going into ¾ of my journey in Japan, I feel like I am petted by unbelievable hospitality of Japan but at the same time, am squeezed by solitude that verges mental torture. There were few incidents that hit me particularly hard in the last month:

1. There was a class that I took this semester of which I was the only non-Japanese student but it was supposed to be taught in English. The last class was rescheduled number of times and the class location also changed. Since I mis-read the announcement, I was late to the class by 20 mins. As I was looking for the classroom, I heard the professor talking behind the door and he was lecturing in Japanese. I froze at that moment and my heart sank. Knowing that if I were to step in the professor would have to revert to English instructions, I did not push the door and instead, walked straight into the bathroom. Many thoughts blazed through but a Japanese word flowed onto my head and wouldn't leave:  "邪魔"(a bother). I was the 邪魔 to the class. Should I just go home and not be the intruder that I hated even though I really wanted to attend the lecture? Or should I interrupt in the middle and had the professor lectured in English instead? In that mere 3 minutes in the bathroom, a gust of resentment got the best of me even though I was not sure whether it was directing to Japan or myself. I asked myself what I was doing there and why did I put myself into situation like this. Finally, I decided to go home. Yet, as I was about to leave, another Japanese student who was also late was about to enter the class and spotted me, so I tagged in from behind. The professor saw me, halted less than a second and immediately changed to English. I stole a glance from the student sitting across me – he gave me a funny look and I pretended that I did not know what was that about.

A little take-away offered by the local middle school students

2. I joined the school's ski tour a week back and had a wonderful time. The school's ski club members and OB were the host of the event and man, they really took care of us. From rental ski-wear to drinking snacks, shower arrangement to party entertainment, they arranged everything and we did not even have to inch our fingers. All we needed to do was to show up and have fun. I had some good talks with the OBs over sake and in times like this, I am skilled in playing the role of a foreigner to bring out interesting talks. We also stopped by to a local middle school on our way back and had a little interaction session with the students there. They were very shy, very reluctant to speak English but were pure like a piece of white paper. A girl asked me which Japanese singer I like most and I said, "Shiina Ringo, what about you?" ,"Arashi", she replied. It got me thinking how the mainstream entertainment industry shaped the likes of young children and these idol groups should indeed carry more social responsibilities.

3. Yesterday night I had the worst experience that tainted my 1.5 year stay in Japan. Around 9pm, alone on my way home from a school event, I was about to climb the stairs to get to the overhead, then from a dark corner, a guy with a wrestling mark emerged and stood only one body apart from me. I think he was only wearing some women' underwear and he looked into my eyes while playing with his stick. His eyes seemed rather innocent and revealed that he may be in his early 30s. Not knowing how to react, I merely frowned and hurried my steps. I wanted to yell at him but I could not utter a sound at that very moment. Half way on the stairs, I looked back and he was still there, swinging his thing and seemed rather pleased with himself. Hurried further, I looked back a few times and was very relieved that he did not follow, noting things could have been much worse. It was traumatizing. I still felt a little bit frightened this morning when i got up this morning. I don't know, this kind of craziness is different from those I saw in Berkeley/SF and it was the first time I sensed real danger. I suddenly want an accompany.

Jeremy Lin - What a Story

We are all just waiting for our opportunity to shine.

echoed in me.

Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere?
Or would it be a waste even if I knew my place
Should I leave it there?

夢。串。

桑田佳佑﹣一個經常給予日本人勇氣和希望的歌手。

這幾天親戚朋友聚舊當然談及到日本的生活見聞。說得最多的是日本人的說話方式內容與日文和廣東話的分別。日本人說話婉轉曖昧在留學之前已詳聞，感受最深的卻是他們在談話內用到「夢想」,「勇氣」，「幸福」，「感動」，「守護」等等這些在香港人看來都很「肉麻」，「唔現實」concepts的頻率。如果套上日本女人的耳，從戀人口中最想聽到的情話不是「我愛你」，而是一句更有實感的「我會守護你」。日本父母不會因為仔女係一個”freeter”(即只打散工的年輕人)掙不到錢而感到羞恥，卻會因為仔女沒有理想混混盹盹過日子而踎心。電視訪問裡，日本職人經常會說，「看到客人的笑容我覺得很幸福。」剛到日本時聽到這些用語我覺得怪怪的，怎麼幸福說得這樣容易這樣濫怎麼動輒就跟人動之已情。但我發現我心底裡其實暗暗感動，慢慢的，眼眶比從前容易濕潤。原來日本濃濃的人情味從他們的語言裡已經心領神會。

王迪詩﹣串盡香江的才女

相比起，談到香港人的說話方式，我只想到一個字，「串」。撇除繁多的粗口和粗鄙的俗語(在我所知範圍內，日文裡沒有一些電視或電台出唔到街的字或音)，廣東話還是有很多方式令聽者難堪。的而且確廣東話非常生動傳神但當我看到某些報章頭條和網民的留言我都不禁鄒眉。如，日本狗仔隊報道藝人緋聞如一夜情時，他們會用「お泊まり愛」（直譯為停留的愛）香港的傳媒就會用一些接近下流的標題。不過與其說香港人本質粗鄙，我更覺得原因是因為香港社會競爭激烈甚麼都只有贏和輸。生活如是說話也如是，轉數快才串得起才贏得眾人歡迎，沒有絲毫相互憐憫的空間。

王迪詩道，愛你，才串你。 Nah, I don't buy that. Love can be gentle.

変わらない物があるんだ。

倉央嘉措-『会うか会わないか』

 

私に会うか、或いは会わないか

私はそこにある。 悲も喜もない 

私を思うか、或いは思わないか 

情はそこにある 来るのも行くのもしない

　　　私を恋するか、或いは恋しないか

愛はそこにある

増えるのも減らすのもしない

人性本懶？

是最近這一兩年吧，不知是學術使然還是宏觀環境變得兩極化，思想變得愈來愈左傾，對保守式的資本主義近乎煩厭，特別是讀到有關共和黨候選人為討好保守派立場的市民的發言如：

Santorum on contraception: "It’s not OK. It’s a license to do things in a sexual realm that is counter to how things are supposed to be."

Newt Gingrich took a voter question on how he’d reel in our “out of control” welfare state in Iowa as an opportunity to ding Attorney General Eric Holder, who has nothing to do with whether such programs are means tested or how they are funded. “I’m sure Attorney General Eric Holder would assume it’s racist to ask,” Gingrich told the voter, because “his automatic answer to everything” is that it’s “racist.”

除了失笑以外，只可慨嘆共和陣營的板斧太低了。

我想，這數年來的分化，表面上是爭拗政府規模的大小，深一點看卻是對人性看法觀點不一致再加上經濟衰退而致資源分配緊張的結果。民主黨普遍認為應從有錢人那裡立稅擴大公共開支以扶助窮人而共和黨則信奉市場教條，相信能者應多得。而這分別又可從人自身的幸褔究竟有多少是可靠個人努力而獲取這問題作起點去討論。著名哲學家John Rawls的論點道：一個人擁有的所有東西，因為上至才能下至實質財富都是遺傳得來的，就算是所謂後天努力亦是因為外在環境因素而造成，所以收入以最大的平均度分配才乎原則。當然，在現今社會這只不過是一個學術理論。人性本懶是所有經濟學家的基本設定，但有多懶卻是爭拗重點。究竟有多少人半生誠懇工作，到頭來卻沒有充夠儲蓄醫病？又究竟有多少人有工作也不願工作只靠褔利金過活？我沒有數據。但當我看到日本很多老人雖然退休褔利完善卻堅持工作，又，香港許多基層勞動者每星期7天每天10小時的工作卻三餐不繼的時候，我寧願將安全網擴大養活多個懶人也不想看見漏網之魚苦苦爭扎。

抽離

 

幾星期前去了英倫數天，回到東京後驟覺豁然開朗， 一掃之前的功課壓力和不肯定將來帶來的隱隱不安。隨後的忘年會year-end party等等更是忘形，斗膽邀請我學部內幾乎最得高望重的教授唱K，年屆60的教授不但應邀表現還讓在場的學生如我自愧不如。之後接連有朋友到訪，一起飲吃遊玩當然少不了。除夕雖然和前年一樣一個人過，但新一年是以看著松本人志的搞笑賀年節目的笑聲開始，比起上一年那忐忑不安倒也樂得心境清靜。有時候我們的確需要從狹隘的現實抽離一下， 因為天空比我們所想的更闊更廣。