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2011年9月29日

論論文

screen-shot of my thesis-in-progress

這陣子大部份心思都投放在論文之上 。在這裡寫些甚麼成了無意識無目的地上fb以外唯一覺得沒將時間白白浪費的抖氣點。不過,雖說是大部份心思,以我貧乏的專注力來說要我廢寢忘餐去思考去寫當然是沒可能。每當稍稍有眉目時,總要去廚房弄些甚麼然後注意力又走到明天的午,晚飯之上。好不容易才回到論文要寫些數學公式經濟邏輯時,又發現之前想到的離題了又未及周全﹣等等,我的論文題目究竟可行嗎,有意義嗎?這個assumption會不會太離譜了些?如是這般來來回回,寫了又刪改了再改ctrl+z的仲多過寫下的字,愈寫愈沒信心。教授也沒甚麼意見讓我自由發揮,只希望他不會到我入大直路時才突然跟我說我的approach錯晒。

寫論文根本是一場跟自己思路搏鬥的持久戰。一開始時像收拾混亂的房間,茫無頭緒不知從何開始。腦內的確有很多主意,但都是一些不接軌的片塊資料,要將它們嵌駁然後引伸至未有人到訪的地方需要不停的翻閱文獻,尋找自己知識的斷層然後合適的工具連接起。在這過程中你會不停質疑自己的理論,觀點 並感嘆自己所知的渺少。接著你會懷疑自己在這研究課題得出結論的合理性。當從頭審視論文發覺自己的論據是如斯不堪一擊時,便又要回到原點想新的approach。每次你的知識也從中增加,但來來回回起碼十數次。(只算論文裡的一個section)所以很多時候不是想寫便寫。更多時候是對著文獻發呆,好像領會了些甚麼但一時間又在自己的研究裡用不上。要牢牢的掌握我還差很遠。

sigh.抖夠氣了。回數字星球去。

2011年9月22日

溫存於温泉

金矢温泉in花巻市

Actually i should spend some time to write about my volunteering experience in Iwate but i decided to come back to that later and instead, write about my addiction to onsen because embarrassingly and admittedly, the self revelation brings forth from loosing myself in hot spring is much more pronounced than cleaning the debris under the rain.

Seeing the naked bodies around me was one of the reasons that i feel so relaxed being in onsen and i bet it does not make a difference whether these bodies are female or male. these naked bodies make me forget the innate difference among people - in the onsen, as we are stripped to the bare skin, we are no longer some predefined roles we play along but just some animals trying to reward our bodies. there is nothing we are hiding from and nothing we can hide in the onsen and suddenly, we become what we really are in the rawest and most natural form. concurrently, the bodies reveal themselves in the cleanest possible ways: free from dirt and petted with a sweet fragrance. these are sincere physical beauty and it is precisely this unfeignedness i appreciate. in the outdoor onsen, the pleasure steps up as the bodies blend the cool autumn air with the steam from the springs. rain sprinkled on you  but you would not mind it because you find peace with yourself, and nature.

P.S. the reason i got to go to onsen during the trip was that we stayed overnight in a nearby campsite with no showering facilities but this onsen was within walking distance so i and the other girls stopped by twice in both days.

2011年9月17日

終活

終活指南書

早兩天NHK播了一個有關日本人繼「就活」(找工作)、「婚活」(找伴侶)之後另一個興起的單詞﹣「終活」,即是為死亡準備的特輯。在大學裡讀日本文學時已知道日本人對死亡有自己獨特的解讀,不像中國人般因「大吉利是」而忌諱而談。當然也大概是因為日本的退休褔利優厚醫療制度完善,一般人老後都不必為生活擔心所以更注重心靈上的充實。令我吃驚的是他們從「終活」表現出來對死亡的坦然。具體來說,「終活」包括有:上影樓為自己拍下遺照、挑選自己的墓碑(有和式,洋式選撰)、在殯儀公司預先付款及寫下自己的一生和對親友的遺言等等。節目裡最誇張的「終活」是「遺裝」時裝騷,讓自己選喜歡的衣物離去。不過讓我最戚戚然的是其中一位看上去只有六十多歲的婦人的訪問。她替自己選了塊在櫻花樹下沒有墓碑的草地墓園為自己的長居之地,和其他不認識的人葬在一起,對此她說道:「我沒有子女,所以沒有人會來替我掃墓。但至少為其他人來掃墓的參拜者能夠欣賞到這裡的櫻花也是好的。」雖然不知道我半桶水的日文有沒有理解錯她的意思,但聽起來就不其然的有一絲心酸。

我在這裡留下一些文字為自己那微不充道的存在留下些印記,大概也是終活的一種吧。

2011年9月15日

few words on social protection



Milton Friedman in Hong Kong
" This thriving, bustling, dynamic city, has been made possible by the free market indeed the freest market in the world. The free market enables people to go into any industry that they want; to trade with whomever they want; to buy in the cheapest market around the world; to sell in the dearest around the world. But most important of all, if they fail, they bear the cost. If they succeed, they get the benefit and it's that atmosphere of incentive that has induced them to work, to adjust, to save, to produce a miracle. This miracle hasn't been achieved by government action by someone sitting in one of those tall buildings and telling people what to do. It's been achieved by allowing the market to work. Walk down any street in Hong Kong and you will see the impersonal forces of the market in operation." - Milton Friedman, 1980
I have a classmate who is an adamant follower of Milton Friedman's economic principles. He thinks that aside from national defense and foreign affairs, the government should have no role in providing any social service. Those who want unemployment/retirement insurance should purchase them in the private sectors, and government's interferences was precisely the reason of inflated medical cost. He thinks Hong Kong's economic success attests to his beliefs in laissez-faire capitalism. And to his point, private sector is almost always more economic efficient than the public sector and excessive state intervention compromises economic potential.

While I respect his free-market faith, I don't believe that nil government involvement in social services brings out the best of the economy and the people, especially in an advanced economy. As an economy develops and people become richer, the opportunity cost to innovate or to pursue a "different path" also rises correspondingly. Living in an unforgivingly competitive society, people confront not the question of job choice but a matter of survival. Even those who are better off becoming an entrepreneur or a writer has no proper outlet to develop their potential but to be stuck at their mundane day jobs just to make end meets. Social protection in the form of unemployment insurance or social security therefore can serve as a safety net for people to become the best that they can be . Of course, excessive amount of social protection bounds to have undesirable consequences. Some said that the perennial high unemployment of many southern European countries is attributed to the overly generous protection of their social security system, and I will not argue with that. People are just responding to incentives after all.

Coming back to Hong Kong, its apparent economic achievements have masked the latent issues of growing social divide and the ossified upward social channels for the young. These have been much discussed by the local intellects at the backdrop of a sudden spur of the post-80s demonstrations in the last year. These angry youngsters are despised by "social injustice", namely the overtaking of Hong Kong's economy by a few prominent families and living a life whose sole and unattainable goal is home ownership. These are all ugly manifests of the "free-market" history of Hong Kong, where monopoly law is essentially nonexistent and the long overdue minimum wage law was only introduced in August. Much else is needed to prevent further fractionalization of the city. In order for the government to regain the heart and mind of the Hong Kong resident at a time when freedom is further restricted under the tight monitoring of the mainland and fruits of economic success is unequally shared, I suppose a slow transition to a modern welfare state is inevitable.