Illustration of Kafka's "Country Doctor"

A Japanese manga illustration of Kafka's "Country Doctor"... Didn't realize I over read so many important details of the story until I watched the illustration below.

當奴的無奈：教我如何說服您

既然擺得擂台，我相信當奴是真心相信他的方案已經增加了民主成份，在中央早已決定2012選舉功能組別與直選議席的比例必須相同這個大前題下， 這是他能力範圍內爭取到最大的進步，可以同廣大市民交待。但，看著他乏善足陳的語調，不停將停滯不前的民主發展責任推向否決05方案的泛民身上，繼而再半恐嚇市民唔上呢班車就永遠去不了普選這個有如海市蜃樓的終點，我實在連同情分也打不到給他。說真的，我寧願當奴坦白一點，清楚道出有無或幾時有普選根本不由香港人話事，中央一句OK，甚麼循序漸進的民主基本法依據都是廢話，明天我們便可以高高興興的去投票選特首。

在互相質詢的環節，特首問余議員如何爭取40票去取消功能組別，反被譏諷「你唔識做問我點做」，便讓我們清楚看到當奴的無奈。就算，and that's a big if, 當奴真的有心廢除功能組別這個選舉模式，在現存30個功能組別議席（雖然也有泛民的功能組別議員）制度下，要功能組別自動放棄特權談可容易。上有中央，下有民建聯以及社會既得利益者，政府在這種綑綁式監察下運作根本不能有甚麼作為。反觀余議員站在道德高地，質問功能組別的存廢時擲地有聲，動之以情說之以理，特首根本沒有招架之力。雖然觀眾問到否決了方案後民主發展何去何從時有點噤聲，但overall, 余議員的表現可以用屈機來形容。

我想，一個曾在哈佛接受教育的人應該可以理解余議員有關普選定義的提問都是合情合理，偏偏在這個框子內，特首只能用帶灰色地帶的字眼朦混過關, 與喬曉陽的官腔一脈相承. 在廢武功之下，that is the best he can do.

特首，真的很難做。

"But why all this hate?"

旋律美得很不真實的一首歌 ﹣



I'm a new soul
I came to this strange world
Hoping I could learn a bit about how to give and take.
But since I came here
Felt the joy and the fear
Finding myself making every possible mistake

La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la...

I'm a young soul in this very strange world
Hoping I could learn a bit bout what is true and fake.
But why all this hate?
Try to communicate
Finding trust and love is not always easy to make.

La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la...

This is a happy end
Cause' you don't understand
Everything you have done
Why's everything so wrong

This is a happy end
Come and give me your hand
I'll take your far away.

I'm a new soul
I came to this strange world
Hoping I could learn a bit about how to give and take
But since I came here
Felt the joy and the fear
Finding myself making every possible mistake

La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la...

I owe writing a reflection to myself

After 1 year and 11 months of self-doubts, repeated but futile attempts of self-justification, anger, frustrations and all sorts of negative emotions, I am proud to announce that I have finally set myself free. The last day of work was somewhat of an anticlimax after close to 3 months of planning and a more-than-enough 6 weeks of leave notice. For all the setbacks I have experienced, I shall say that this job has helped me figured out myself and there are several important take-aways that I can use as a reminder for myself in the future:

1. I can work long hours only for a cause I deem worthy - and money is not one of them.

2. My ultimate passion is to help and inspire people even though I am not exactly a people-person.

3. I don't mind working in front of the computer for 13 hours straight but my brain better not be idle and numb.

The last week of work, I was paranoid. I kept thinking that something out of the whack would happen to me like getting seriously injured in a car accident. Maybe this day was too important to me or that I still have doubts about my decision so this unfulfilled premonition was a sign of my anxiety towards the future. Despite knowing that I will be in Tokyo the next two years, there are still important questions that I need to answer for myself like where do I want to and can settle, should I have a plan B for myself if the route to academia does not work out...etc. Also, I need to be more conscious towards my family's feelings when I am making decisions in the future. I can't just carry this me-and-only-me mentality going forward and really, start to pay attention to the people around.

Why does football, aka soccer, never make it to the main stage in America?

Americans, in general, are dazzled by size. To name a few, just look at the quarter pound cheeseburger, the power size Jamba Juice, Hummer trucks, Walmart, and our dear California state governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, their presence alone is not only overpowering but can be intimidating in a lot of ways, and their sheer volume says quite a lot about Ameircans' infatuation in bigness. In America, size is an equivalent measure of manhood and power - the more muscular you are, the higher you can hold your head up.

Compared to Europe and Japan where meterosexual with delicate facial feature and slim figure has come to become the standard of male beauty, American concept of a "true man" is one with a defined jawline and well built muscles, and one who carries a gun and hunt in the wild. This very image (think of Brad Pitt) has probably stayed the same way since the birth of the nation albeit the drastic social change in the last 100 years.

The same preference for muscularity and manhood over anything else deemed less macho naturally affects our sports selection. American Football is the most popular sports in the states and it features nothing but big, no, HUGE guys whose arm width easily outmatches my thigh width. Basketball, as well, are not meant to be played by the regular-sized human beings. The average height of NBA players is about 6'8'' as opposed to 6'1'' of the players in the English premium league.Unless you have sonic speed, there is close to no chance to be selected to NBA if you are less than 6 feet tall.

So what about baseball? You don't have to be the biggest, the tallest nor the quickest to play baseball. True. Baseball is probably the least physical sports among the popular sports in America but the myth with baseball is that it falls very well into the category of "American Dream". With hard work and strong determination, you can develop from an amateur baseball player to a pro, and in fact, lots of players in the MLB played in the development league before going to the national league. The dream of becoming a pro athlete is actually within the reach of the common people like me and you, which is precisely the charm of this sports and echoes nicely with the core value of America.

Football, on the other hand, is being discriminated against in America because its very nature discourages intense physical contacts and nothing in the game of football celebrates the toughness of the players. Not only you don't have to be the biggest nor fastest to play football, too often, we see a supposedly world class player dives to the ground, clutches to his leg and whine in agony in a pathetic attempt to have the refugee calls foul. "How in the world will you get hurt with a tab on the shoulder?" An American audience will probably yell. Put it this way, "Making a show of your physical vulnerability runs counter to every impulse in American sports.", says an American columnist. In short, America is just too barbaric a nation to appreciate the beauty and art of football and we just cannot be satisfied until some fists are thrown and players carried off the court on a stretcher.

So can America ever embrace football? Probably not. And it is for the sake of international stability anyway to keep the Americans out from the football elites. The anti-america sentiment will surge, as if we are not hated enough already by the rest of the world, if team USA wins the world cup.

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二世祖

金正日，說穿了，其實只不過是一個食早蔭的二世祖﹣靠著老父金日成的國父之名，然後自封將軍實行極權統治，人民生活在水深火熱中卻視若無睹，明明已經一窮二白還繼續將僅有的資源投放在發展核事業之上以唬嚇週邊的國家。這個「偉大領袖」不按章出牌，將各國玩弄於鼓掌之內，令身為盟友的中國和諸敵國皆無所適從. 究竟佢既所作所為係為了保護早業定係另有所圖實在令人摸不著頭腦。

放諸香港與美國，二世祖又是何其的多，雖不至金正日般呼風得風但驕縱愛炫曜財富的倒見過不少。他們追求高級有品味的生活卻說不足穿怎樣的衣服，食物應該如何烹調，放置怎樣的傢具才算有品味，只懂求其堆砌名牌上身然後出入貴價餐廳（有時我真為LV的設計者歎息）。我懷疑，他們的驕縱源於從少別人對他們的奉承所以一直都不將別人放在眼內，就算是戀人朋友也視之為自己的裝飾品而不是用真誠的態度對代。

我覺得要令一個二世祖醒覺是非常困難的﹣除非佢自己敗左成個家。對著二世祖施軟他便以為人家想蘢絡自己抽水，硬的話又以為要搶佢身家，所以金正日呢個case，除非北韓人民站起來，否則，難搞矣。