自殺的迷思

早兩天在報紙上讀到有關中國自殺問題的研究，頗有感想，所以特別在此用自殺這個社會問題作開端， 試談中國和日本在文化上的異同﹣

中國和日本的自殺率都屬全球最高之列，據統計每10萬人就有 20人或以上選擇以自殺結束生命。在中國， 自殺者以女性為多數而且多發生在農村而非城市裡。研究者說，自殺往往帶有濃厚的道德意涵 - 很多自殺者選擇一死以示清白，有些甚至以死亡作為報復的手段去控訴精神或肉體的施害者。因為內地的農村普遍仍是一個男性主導的社會，女性多數要倚靠男性生活， 所以就算受到生理或心理的虐待，女性要離家出走往往不是一個選擇。撇除經濟上的困難不說，傳統倫理上， 就算是於理甚當，女性若捨棄家庭就會被枷上一個拋夫棄子的罪名。她們的生存空間與意義狹窄，自我意識形態薄弱，如果在這既定空間內被摧殘很容易會產生走投無路的無助感，亦解釋了為甚麼中國農村女性自殺的比例較高。再說，在仍然奉儒教思想為道德規範的中國社會內，女性被推崇的角色多數是以奉獻者的身份出現。在歷史上被歌頌的中國女性並不多，但被頌讚的都是那些忍辱負重，犧牲自己以成全丈夫或兒子幸福的“賢妻良母”。如孟母三遷都是一些大家熟知的典故。這些教誨都成為對女性無形的制壓，抑郁著女性對自身幸福的追求和表達自己的勇氣。

日本的情況卻與中國恰如其反，自殺者以男性居多。2003年的數據顯示，男性對女性的自殺比例為40：15, 其中尤而50至64歲的中年男性自殺比率最高。自殺，在日本的傳統文化裡，帶有特殊的意味。由古代的武士以近乎宗教儀式的腹切自殺捍衛尊嚴免被敵人凌辱，到二次大戰的神風部隊明知難逃一敗卻誓與敵人同歸於盡的自殺式襲擊， 自殺的意義是以生命去換取比生命更大更重而又無法用片面文字去定義的尊嚴。來到近數十年，女性在日本社會的地位雖然大為提高，但傳統上「男主外女主內」的性別責任分野並沒有太大改變。一個家庭內，男方的責任就是要為家人提供日常經濟上的所需。若果男方未能扛起這擔子就會被社會認為是「敗犬」，沒有男性尊嚴可言，亦說明了為甚麼在日本經濟的「失落廿年」裡，男性的自殺率比起女性高出許多。除了社會期望與自身能力的落差外，亦有人在走投無路之下以自殺去獲取給家人的保險賠償金。在日本文學裡， 自殺的情節亦是屢見不鮮。早期的文學中較出名的有情侶因為關係不被承認而雙雙自殺的情節，到近代文學，故事內角色的自殺動機更多更廣，亦是作家常用的題材。 文學外選擇以自殺結束生命的日本作家也為數不少， 最轟動的是屬右翼份子的三島由紀夫在70年以腹切的方式自殺以鼓吹恢復日皇的正統地位。

在有關自殺的討論上，日本和中國最大的分別是日本將之看為一個肯承擔的表現，在某程度上是光榮的，中國人就多數認為拋下家庭去尋死是懦弱不負責任的行為， 但共通的是，這兩個社會都不易生存，不易輕鬆簡單的生活。





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不是情信

K2,

多年不見, 您還是如此風趣, 還是一貫的喜歡自嘲. 不同的是現在的您多了一種從容. 聽著您用那帶些少口音的英語談笑風生, 竟有點著迷. 厨司在鐵板前如耍雜技的將三文魚煮熟, 再優雅的將微焦的魚放在我的碟子上, 「どうぞ」他恭敬的說. 但我竟顧閒不及回句「ありがとう」, 只是用不耐煩的眼神向他示意行了. 隔壁數枱坐著一個我想可以湊夠一支美式足球隊的家庭, 吵吵鬧鬧的時而為厨司精彩的表現喝采時而唱起生日歌來, 最後還勞師動眾的影了一張全家福先罷休. 但嘈雜的環境卻有助減低兩個人雙互而視的尷尬感. 噢, 是酒精作祟還是因為有好的食伴, 我的自我良好感覺也突然膨脹起來, 話變得很多, 也笑得不顧儀態. 東拉西扯的上至政治下至餵牛飼料, 我們竟然這樣的胡謅了近三小時.

回想起來, 您在我心裡總有點神聖不可侵犯的感覺. 您的世界裡頭有兩個宇宙, 兩個互不交叉平衡而存的宇宙. 在這兩個宇宙您都是如此的閃亮但同時這又是一個我永遠都進入不了的宇宙. 我不會為你的成就喝采 - 您需要的認同要從您認可的人那裡來, 我沒有這資格. 這夜您依舊閃爍, 但使我心神盪漾的卻是您的不肯定和您不以為然的孤独. 這孤独令我感覺和您走近了一點 - 我們是同一類人?

縱然我自覺比上次見您時的我向前走了一大步, 但這足夠將我放在您的同一台階上嗎? "Just between you and me..."您突然說. Eh......? 難道我們的關係到可以分享祕密的地步了? 我不自禁的又緊張起來. 然後您娓娓道來您那Facebook Account 的由來, 我鬆一口氣, 沒啥大不了但您就有這能耐令我陶醉不已. sigh. 都已經唔係十八廿二, 仲學人少女情懷. 臨上車時您說我們應再找時間出來聚聚, 是禮貌還是真心的邀請我這刻仍猜不透. 不知道在我離開以前還有沒有見面的機會, 但, 希望下次再見的時候您會對我令眼相看.

O.

延伸音樂:
東京事変 スーパースター


「未来は不知顔さ、自分で造っていく。」
　多分あなたはそう云うと判っているのに
　ほんのちょっとざわめいた朝に声を無くすの
　私はあなたの強く光る眼思い出すけれど
　もしも逢えたとして喜べないよ
　か弱い今日の私では
　これでは未だ厭だ

「答えは無限大さ、自分で造っていく。」
　枯れ行く葉が相変わらず地面を護っている
　そんな大地蹴って歩いては声を探すの
　私はあなたの孤独に立つ意志を思い出す度に
　泪を湛えて震えているよ
　拙い今日の私でも

　明日はあなたを燃やす炎に向き合うこゝろが欲しいよ
　もしも逢えたときは誇れる様に
　テレビのなかのあなた
　私のスーパースター

“The future is a face of ignorance, I’ll keep making it myself.”
Maybe that’s what you think
It’s just that on a kind of loud morning, I lost my voice

But I remember your brightly shining eyes
If I were to meet them again, it would not make me happy
So this is the me of a feeble today
And yet I hate this

“Answers are infinite, I’ll keep making them myself.”
Dying leaves are, as usual, protecting the ground
Kicking, walking over that kind of earth is how I search for my voice

Each time I remember your decision to stand in solitude
I shake, enduring the tears
But this is the me of an inept today

Tomorrow, I want our hearts to face each other in the flame that burns you
As if when we met was something I could be proud of
The you inside the TV
is my superstar

Democracy as coffee

Times and times again, democracy as a means to bring stability and prosperity has failed miserably and resulted in bloody riots and thousands of casualties. In Africa where dozens of pseudo democracies were established the last century, elections are usually accompanied with high risk of violence. Just 2 years ago, more than 1,300 Kenyans were killed in the outburst of post-election violence when Mr. Kibaki was declared the winner before the election commissioner knew who won. In Nigera as well, the state and local elections were marred by series of violent incidents in the 50s-60s and the political instability in the aftermath has become a major reason of the prolonged poverty in the region. So does democracy really hold the glamor that the West has proclaimed and is it suitable for every country?

According to the analysis of University for Peace, the main causes of electoral violence are as follows:

• Poverty/Unemployment
• Ineffectiveness of Security Forces/Culture of Impunity
• Weak Penalties
• Weak Governance and Corruption
• Small Arms Proliferations

which leads me to think that democracy is like coffee - without milk and sugar, it just tastes bland. Definitely smells good, but not everyone can take the bitterness. Using the above as a framework, I tried to rationalize the fear of implementing a democracy in China and I can only relate corruption as an potential systematic deficiency that could be used an excuse to deter democracy. Then of course, there are tons of others reasons that the authority can list as to why China is not suitable for a "western-style" democracy. So maybe what we need for China is a green tea latte: a democracy with a local flavor, a system that takes into account of the cultural characteristics, history and social environemnt that too often yield to an abstract ideology.

I want to examine some of the necessary elements that should go side-by-side with democracy in order to make it a lasting and successful system, the milk and sugar required in making the perfect coffee. For one, judicial independence is the cornerstone of democracy which should be established at the time of a democracy is formed. Secondly, good governance along with a reliable security force needs to be in place to discourage social outbreaks. These two are discussed in previous literature but I believe that we also need to incorporate local elements of the region into the system because one system does not fit all. I do not know if China is ready for a democracy now and if it ever will but regardless, an ideology is dead. The people are live. It is my belief that there are certain rights that are innate to human beings when they are born and true leaders will stand to protect these rights of their citizens. How leaders are chosen depends on the system and whatever the system is, it should never take on a life of its own and disillusion our values, as Murakami Haruki has once said.

As for Hong Kong, how about a yin yeung?

Muse-ic

Absolutely amazing.

This is the kind of music that brings you to a different world and the way music should be. I didn't have an open ear to electric stuff before but man, ain't I missing out this whole time.




I think I'm drowning
asphyxiated
I wanna break this spell
that you've created

you're something beautiful
a contradiction
I wanna play the game
I want the friction

you will be the death of me
you will be the death of me

bury it
I won't let you bury it
I won't let you smother it
I won't let you murder it

our time is running out
our time is running out
you can't push it underground
you can't stop it screaming out

I wanted freedom
bound and restricted
I tried to give you up
but I'm addicted

now that you know I'm trapped sense of elation
you'd never dream of
breaking this fixation

you will squeeze the life out of me

bury it
I won't let you bury it
I won't let you smother it
I won't let you murder it

our time is running out
our time is running out
you can't push it underground
you can't stop it screaming out
how did it come to this?
ooooohh

you will suck the life out of me

bury it
I won't let you bury it
I won't let you smother it
I won't let you murder it

our time is running out
our time is running out
you can't push it underground
you can't stop it screaming out
How did it come to this?
ooooohh

X岔口

父母對我無定向轉風式的改變人生目標頗有微言. 我想, 不只是父母, 連我自己也對自己在人生道上的左搖右擺感到無比疲累. 由土木工程到工業工程到金融再到毫無關係的東亞政策研究, 地點就由Davis到berkeley到new mexico 到new york到三藩市再到下一站, 東京, 過程真係峯迴路轉過TVB劇情. 畢業後總覺得自己大把世界, 不用早早定下那些27歳結婚, 30歳前買樓的人生目標, 更加不必急於俾份工綁死自己. 但, 兩年後現在的我面對著的是前所未有的恐懼. 我很害怕找不到那通向幸福的路. 我很害怕自己的堅持最後變成了任性和不成熟. 而所謂的"if you do what you like, you don't have to work a day"又其實係唔係呃細路既謊言 - 除左Steve Jobs 外, 有無人真心喜歡他們的工作而又搵到錢? 雖然可幸地前面可選的路還有很多, 但又有幾多條是只是窮途(figuratively and literally) 而就算選對了路,我又有無耐性走到最後?

快要去日本了, 話唔淆係呃你的. 這次去日本有點破釜沈舟的意味,一定要趁這兩年好好裝備自己然後被博士課程取錄-不成功便成仁, 成功的話當然是糠莊大路, 失敗了便alas, 耗盡這兩年的積蓄然後再一次回到原點.



Can I pull this off this time?






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Rising Yuan: Implications to Hong Kong

Although the discussion over currency rate between China and US has become a heated debate, it is not my interest, nor have I the knowledge to evaluate the macro economic consequences should China allow its currency to appreciate. However, in the light of this, I thought we would take a step back and look at some of the implications of a rising Yuan to Hong Kong. In the simplest sense, since Hong Kong dollar is pegged to the green, a rising yuan would translate to a slight devaluation of the Hong Kong dollar. Put it in the context of daily lives, what does that mean? For exporters/manufacturers (is there any left?!) of Hong Kong, that would be a good news because their products appear to be cheaper now to mainland purchasers and the revenue they earn in Yuan would convert into a higher net income. However, for most residents of Hong Kong, the negative impact probably outweighs the positive ones because Hong Kong imports almost all of its resources from outside, food for one, mostly comes from the mainland. The cost of food is bound to rise with a rising yuan. Moreover, there has also been a lot of concern as of late over the large influx of cheap money from the mainland into the Hong Kong real estate market, thereby driving up properties' prices. A rising yuan would also mean a discounted value of Hong Kong properties in the eyes of the mainland investors, and it is possible that more money will be poured into the market and price will be ever higher. All of this will constitute to post a serious inflation risk in Hong Kong.

It is not within the ability of the current troubled Hong Kong government to re-evaluate the currency peg consider that the underlying economic and social consequences of unpegging will be enormous. With the yuan stronger and more accepted in the world, we should nevertheless consider the possibility of currency integration between China and Hong Kong, and in the least, analyze the cost of upholding the currency peg with United States Dollars.