Illustration of Kafka's "Country Doctor"

A Japanese manga illustration of Kafka's "Country Doctor"... Didn't realize I over read so many important details of the story until I watched the illustration below.

當奴的無奈：教我如何說服您

既然擺得擂台，我相信當奴是真心相信他的方案已經增加了民主成份，在中央早已決定2012選舉功能組別與直選議席的比例必須相同這個大前題下， 這是他能力範圍內爭取到最大的進步，可以同廣大市民交待。但，看著他乏善足陳的語調，不停將停滯不前的民主發展責任推向否決05方案的泛民身上，繼而再半恐嚇市民唔上呢班車就永遠去不了普選這個有如海市蜃樓的終點，我實在連同情分也打不到給他。說真的，我寧願當奴坦白一點，清楚道出有無或幾時有普選根本不由香港人話事，中央一句OK，甚麼循序漸進的民主基本法依據都是廢話，明天我們便可以高高興興的去投票選特首。

在互相質詢的環節，特首問余議員如何爭取40票去取消功能組別，反被譏諷「你唔識做問我點做」，便讓我們清楚看到當奴的無奈。就算，and that's a big if, 當奴真的有心廢除功能組別這個選舉模式，在現存30個功能組別議席（雖然也有泛民的功能組別議員）制度下，要功能組別自動放棄特權談可容易。上有中央，下有民建聯以及社會既得利益者，政府在這種綑綁式監察下運作根本不能有甚麼作為。反觀余議員站在道德高地，質問功能組別的存廢時擲地有聲，動之以情說之以理，特首根本沒有招架之力。雖然觀眾問到否決了方案後民主發展何去何從時有點噤聲，但overall, 余議員的表現可以用屈機來形容。

我想，一個曾在哈佛接受教育的人應該可以理解余議員有關普選定義的提問都是合情合理，偏偏在這個框子內，特首只能用帶灰色地帶的字眼朦混過關, 與喬曉陽的官腔一脈相承. 在廢武功之下，that is the best he can do.

特首，真的很難做。

"But why all this hate?"

旋律美得很不真實的一首歌 ﹣



I'm a new soul
I came to this strange world
Hoping I could learn a bit about how to give and take.
But since I came here
Felt the joy and the fear
Finding myself making every possible mistake

La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la...

I'm a young soul in this very strange world
Hoping I could learn a bit bout what is true and fake.
But why all this hate?
Try to communicate
Finding trust and love is not always easy to make.

La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la...

This is a happy end
Cause' you don't understand
Everything you have done
Why's everything so wrong

This is a happy end
Come and give me your hand
I'll take your far away.

I'm a new soul
I came to this strange world
Hoping I could learn a bit about how to give and take
But since I came here
Felt the joy and the fear
Finding myself making every possible mistake

La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la...

I owe writing a reflection to myself

After 1 year and 11 months of self-doubts, repeated but futile attempts of self-justification, anger, frustrations and all sorts of negative emotions, I am proud to announce that I have finally set myself free. The last day of work was somewhat of an anticlimax after close to 3 months of planning and a more-than-enough 6 weeks of leave notice. For all the setbacks I have experienced, I shall say that this job has helped me figured out myself and there are several important take-aways that I can use as a reminder for myself in the future:

1. I can work long hours only for a cause I deem worthy - and money is not one of them.

2. My ultimate passion is to help and inspire people even though I am not exactly a people-person.

3. I don't mind working in front of the computer for 13 hours straight but my brain better not be idle and numb.

The last week of work, I was paranoid. I kept thinking that something out of the whack would happen to me like getting seriously injured in a car accident. Maybe this day was too important to me or that I still have doubts about my decision so this unfulfilled premonition was a sign of my anxiety towards the future. Despite knowing that I will be in Tokyo the next two years, there are still important questions that I need to answer for myself like where do I want to and can settle, should I have a plan B for myself if the route to academia does not work out...etc. Also, I need to be more conscious towards my family's feelings when I am making decisions in the future. I can't just carry this me-and-only-me mentality going forward and really, start to pay attention to the people around.