出世

出世，in Japanese , means to be successful in life, often in a materialistic worldly way. 中国語には出世というのは俗世を超越することだ。I always find it fascinating how words with the same kanji end up with different meaning, and in this case, they have completely opposite interpretations. 這兩種截然不同，互相矛盾的解釋卻並存於我的生活態度內。我嚮往的是充滿知性的生活亦在乎旁人的目光。所以我知道自己離開大道也不可能走得太遠，頂多只是走些有指示牌的小徑然後為自己的「冒険」而感覺良好。Therefore I admire people who seem to have transcended the rules of the society, and create paths of their own.

子供らしいけれども、私世の中の体制が嫌いだ。成功するためいい大学行くはずとか。Despite this disdain, in my mind you are not qualified to scorn the rules of the game if you can't beat it. 所以一路以來我都是為了出世而入世，為了證明自己有離開的能力而留下，永遠都離不開太遠。だから、私が「出世」するのは出来ない、日本語の意味と中国語の意味どちでも。

the Japan I knew of

About 1 week before my scheduled departure when the real sense of leaving this country finally pressed on me, to my surprise, an unfamiliar sadness and heaviness overtook me. I have moved a lot the past 11 years, couple times within the same city, but more so across cities and states, and this time across borders and sea, so naturally I thought I would be immune from the melancholy of leaving one place for another. But this time it is different.

This time I was not 100% convinced that my decision to leave Tokyo would lead me to a better future. I had doubts, and I thought it would have worked out nicely too if I stayed - Forget about graduate school, I would just get a job in Tokyo, work like a mature adult and settle down. It didn't happen of course. A week later, i was en route to San Diego to lengthen my academic journey. However, the mere thought of settling was definitely something - part of it might be age but I genuinely believed that Japan could be my home in the future.

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Yes, its glorious days of world economic supremacy might have been behind its back but Japan has never lost its 根気. 根気 is what defines a nation and it is something that never breaks in adversaries. In fact, it becomes stronger and unite people together when difficulty presents itself. You do not shy away from challenges; you stand up to them even when things do not go on your way. Only in great difficulties does it reveal the nation's true characteristics. I know not a nation or race with so much perseverance and character like Japan. What is significant is that this Japanese 根気 stems from the love for their people and country, not from hatred against other nations or race. There is just a vibe of composure in the atmosphere, unlike Hong Kong or even some parts of the US, where air of haste and anxiousness afloat. 

The Japanese are unique in a lot of ways. In my opinion the "variety" of Japanese people definitely spans wider than the Hong Kong people or Chinese that I have encountered with: a female classmate who has worked in the development field in Afghanistan, college student who majors in Indonesian because he wants to understand better the largest Muslim country, family who runs a farm for mentally disabled people, Japanese language teacher who lived and taught in Vietnam, PhD economics student who traveled miles to some poor countries to run natural experiments... they have all demonstrated to me the possibility of lives that is unseen of and unimaginable in Hong Kong with their daring souls. On a separate but related thought, many said that Japanese are inward-looking but the statement was flat wrong to me. Yes, my "sample selection" is probably biased (excuse my economic terminology) since the people I interact with are mostly in an academic setting but the people mentioned above have shown to me that the Japanese world view is way more comprehensive than the world view of Hong Kong, which despite how it prides itself as an international city, is embarrassingly ignorant about some very important parts of the world such as the middle east and south east America.

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I have not used the word "touched",  "感動" a lot in the past but in the past two years, Japan has filled my life with so much of these "itchy touchy" moments that have soften my tacky way of seeing the world. I was unsure how I could best leverage this past two years to the better use of my future but then I realize, Japan is already embodied in me - whatever I do, its influence shall remain. This is a country I shall be forever in debt to.

The Beautiful Tohoku

San Diego is known for its yearlong mild sunny climate and my new school is only 10 minutes away from the Pacific Ocean. But the close proximity to the sea has constantly reminded me of the affected areas in Tohoku, which must also had been beautiful before the disaster struck last year… well no, it IS still a beautiful place.
 

Images of Tohoku have branded in my mind since the trip early this month. In a span of 3 days, we met with city mayors, officials, doctors, enterprise leaders, NPO leaders, university students and victims alike and have learned from them the sheer force of the tsunami, the difficulties that they face in resuming their original lives and most importantly, the plans that they have for their future. We also saw with our own eyes the mounting debris that are waiting to be removed, the still largely unkempt affected areas in 福島 and towns including 南三陸 and 陸前高田 where most of the buildings were reduced to their foundations. There was just too much information to swallow in mere 3 days. Before the trip, I thought I have seen and heard everything about this disaster from the media and how wrong I was! And while progress has been made, it is just plain ignorant to believe that Tohoku is already on track to recovery.

Mr. Suzuki

Enterprise leader Mr. Takeda

This trip has renewed my faith in humanity. If there is anything we can celebrate out of this disaster, it must be the glory of humanity and the hope towards a better future embedded in it. The people that we met in this trip are all devoted to restore vitality to the once closely knitted community. One of the most memorable experiences of this trip to me was the sharing session by Mr Suzuki, the community leader of the temporary housing in 南三陸市, who is also a victim himself and is now working to organize various activities for the residents to gather in the hope of building a new community. He recollected the event on 3/11 and the subsequent few days to us in a plain, soft voice and a cool tone that sounds almost like detachment. He told us how he found and carried more than 10 corpses from a nearby hospital where most of the deceased died because they could not walk. Under that soft voice, I can hear and feel an intense sorrow… it was as if a part of him was forever hollowed out by the tsunami. Despite the trauma, he remains in the town and is working to bring the community together again. And this is just one of the many encounters in this trip that touched me deeply. The meeting with the enterprise leaders in 気仙沼 moved me in a different way. They detailed to us the difficulties confronted their operation but they always carried a faint smile when they spoke. It was almost as if they were going through all these mess with ease and ungrounded optimism. I asked myself where could this optimism possibly come from and recalled one of the last things that they said in the meeting：根性, which loosely translated to willpower I suppose. This really just highlights the resilience and perseverance of the Japanese people and nation.

I felt extremely powerless and out-of-place the whole time during the trip. It was in this context and frame of mind that I see how insignificant I am and what I am trying to do with my life. In Tokyo, we touted ourselves with pride as the students of University of Tokyo but the encounters in this trip have reminded me that it is not the title that counts; it is the people and what you are trying to do for them that matter. The group also had a small sharing session on the bus when we were on the way back to the hotel and I still remember vividly what Noah reminded us as students of public policy: our goal shall not be to devise the grandest and most efficient policy vehicle possible. Instead we shall always have in mind the people affected by the policy because in the end, it is the people and certainly not our ego that we are trying to serve.

艱難

圖示的是日本經濟產業省的招聘海報，簡單的一句：「這可能是日本最艱難的工作。」我心裡嗔笑﹣他們真不知道甚麼是艱難。

艱難是，掩蓋良心指鹿為馬。

艱難是，明明是不合理，不公義的事，面對它卻要左顧右盼有口難言。

艱難是，說服自己經濟騰飛比人性光輝重要。

相比起這些，要復興日本經濟又有何難?

如果你有這能耐，請加入成為香港的管治班子。

The rainbow will last

Few weeks back, Obama announced his formal approval for gay marriage and it got me thinking how far we have come in moving to recognize the rights of every individuals in this country. From race to gender and now, we are starting to nullify the differences in sexual orientation. Truth to be told I never thought deep into this issue as marriage itself does not appeal to me as necessity - isn't "civil union" just fine? I mused. Then it occurred to me that many in the past might as well have thought voting is not a necessity and passed on female voting. Despite how I see myself as a liberal, my view on these so-called sensitive issues, was to a very large extent shaped by the mainstream media. And now, thanks to Obama, i have come to see the need to approve, and embrace gay marriage in our society if we were to call our country the land of freedom.
 
A pretty timely coincidence was that Anthony Wong from the alternative band Tat Ming Pair in Hong Kong publicly came out as gay around the same time. As if he was some rare species, the reaction of Hong Kong media and society was just outright disgusting. His sexuality immediately became his totality, and his musical talent and contribution to the entertainment industry was wiped at once. And looking around in Japan, it still amazes me that how this country, despite its emphasis on "fitting in", has had a unique take on LGBT. Just to name some examples, many probably know about the "boy love" comic book series and moreover, one could frequently see transsexuals and men dressed in women apparel appear on regular variety shows. I think they are unimaginable in the Hong Kong entertainment scene. Outside of entertainment though, the subject is still largely muted in social discourse and therefore, I would not say Japan is a more tolerant society than that of Hong Kong but in the very least, its "subculture" has opened up another channel for the less-represented groups to become full human.

Community

graduation ceremony of a local elementary school

This entry came in delay but hey, better late than nothing.  On the second day of my arrival to Kagoshima, i followed my host father in a small truck to sell tofu products around the village. A list of usual customers was logged in advance and we drove by their houses one by one, which scattered around the village, and knocked at their door to see if they would like to purchase anything. At one of the houses lives alone an old lady of age probably over 65. When we slide-opened the door, I saw that 140 yen was already sitting at the door and she was clearly expecting us. I passed over a block of 木綿 tofu as my host father exchanged a few greetings and introduced me. She nodded  at me sweetly, said some encouraging words and we receded. My host father later said many of the aged residents in the village barely leave the house since many of them have difficulty walking and driving is out of question as well. With limited interaction with outside, the brief exchange seemed to be something they look for in a day. We continued circling around the village, and my host father would say something about the weather, and occasionally asked about the sons/daughters of the households if he knew about them. Their children are usually working in some cities far away from the village that I was at. They only come back during the holidays in 年末 and お盆.

After dinner on the following day, while I was chatting with the host parents over tea, an announcement of a male voice broke out from nowhere. Alerted, I looked around the house, and my host mother pointed to a corner in the kitchen space. There was a small broadcasting device. The announcer was saying that a villager has passed away tonight. "1 person less...the town has exactly 8900 people now" I thought to myself. My host father later told me that the announcement system was a good way to keep everyone informed of the up-and-about of the village since it is a small community.  Sad news or good news, everyone shares the sadness and the joy that comes around.

Everything in this town was of novelty to me but it all felt so right. I never knew my neighbors growing up nor had I lived in a small town my entire life. To me, "community" has always been a distanced concept that I could not relate to. When people said they wanted to give back and contribute to the community that they grew up with, I always dumbfounded. But the two-week in Kagoshima has substantiated the meaning of a community for me - though it might be late, I think I have retrieved a part of me that has till then never been there.

Model and Defect

washing dishes together

Some background info: the village I went to as a exchange student located at the southest end of Kagoshima, with a population of 8900 people. At 43%, it also has the highest ratio of aged 65+ residents among the different districts in Kagoshima prefecture. My host family has 4 members. The father is the head of a NPO farming facility which hires mainly people with mental disability. The mother also works in the facility, but not on a full-time basis. She also cooks very well. There are two kids, aged 8 and 4 respectively. The little girl is very cute but wants to have her way all the time, likes to follow me everywhere and pinches me to get my full attention. The boy likes to read manga, athletic, and is very kind to his lil sis. They are the model Japanese family in my opinion.

On the second day of my arrival,  I got a chance to tour around the farming facility. The site includes various plant fields (tea leaves, carrot, onions and such), a ham processing facility, a bakery, a small cow raising area as well as workers' dormitory and recreational area. My tour guide is a man with down's syndrome and he commutes to the facility everyday doing some light manual work. He talks clearly and has a better command of Japanese than I do. He told me that he had a big heart surgery when he was small; I later found out that this was common among down's syndrome patients. I had a very pleasant time walking around and talking with him. My host family later said he is the "spokesperson" of the farm and loves to talk to different people even though at times he makes up story in order to make the conversation flow. But I thought that was very nice of him. On my third and forth day, I worked in the plantation area alongside with workers of light degree of mental disability. Most of them have completely normal appearance. They were very diligent and did not seem to mind repeating manual and robotic work. I spent most time with an old lady above 70 and she was the cutest old lady I ever met, always cracking jokes and even took care of me when we were in the cafeteria. Both she and her daughter live in the dorms of the facility. We picked out tomatoes, cleaned and weighted them and put them into small plastic bags, all by hand. We also packed green onions together and there went the day. A lot of times I did not understand what the workers were saying to me but they always gave me a big smile and I felt like I was most welcomed.

These 2 days got me into deep thinking that the line of between role model and the rest is not that clear-cut after all. And in fact on site yesterday, I was mistaken to be one of the workers there by a staff and he later apologized to me. I thought that was funny and the movie "Shutter Island" popped up on my mind but really, we are not all that different from them. Here I am, in a perfect family who works for the bettering of people with innate disability and that to me, is true harmony.

Related links
花の木農場

生活的藝術

看到某搏客的文章說到「沉澱比吸收」重要，只要好好細味審視，看似刻板的生活也能發找到得著。如此說來現在的我更需要沉澱凝固的時間。5日前離開東京出發到鹿児島的兩星期交流，期間在大阪稍作停留順道觀光。雖然在東京生活的一年半內已經學會了經歷了很多，但這5天尤其充實得著甚多，現作小回顧將精彩的回憶急凍保鮮。

大阪內印象最為深刻的是在大阪國立美術館的草間弥生作品展。草間弥生雖然年過70但仍然在活躍地創作，是最能代表日本的當代藝術家之一。欣賞她的作品就像要解讀她的人生一樣不是人人也能參透，自問雖然沒有藝術的慧根，只是，看著她的繪畫與雕刻便能感受到她對生命的熱情對藝術的執著。她為自己最近的collection作了這樣的註釋：「...當我確實感受到人的生命是個不息的循環的時候，當中的喜悅令我跨越了對死亡的恐懼，我決意要每一天都藉著最好的藝術將人性最美好的一面展現出來...」在她的作品裡我看到自己的不濟﹣草間雖然已經不良於行但仍每一天在畫在創作，我所謂的奮鬥根本不值一提。在她的作品裡我更看到生命的無限可限性，只要不給藉口自己美好的事情一定會發生。其次在大阪內為生命留痕的是hostel裡的friday night party。席上和剛認識在本地從事藝術工作的人言談甚歡，摸著酒杯談文化，日文英文交雜，隔膜意外地簡單刺破。

生活的藝術或藝術的生活﹣在大阪這個自古以商業聞名的城市，都比我想象的更精彩。

來回折返人間

要到白川鄉村莊，遊客要走過吊橋，跨過一條水流湍急但看來不太深的川流。吊橋不長，大概走兩分鐘便到達彼岸，但要真正的從一邊走到另一邊卻如隔世般遠。白川鄉像個不現實只會出現在宮崎駿動畫內的國度，魔幻而神秘。從展望台俯瞰，它更像中國的墨水畫，山巒深淺有序。屋頂用茅草鋪成的一百四十多個小屋被山巒環繞著，河流在旁邊不息的急湍，它們謙卑的靜處著，沒有爭奇鬥艷的氣勢卻和周圍的自然完全融合。在大自然前人都是微不足道的，白川鄉的平實大概是它正正的魅力所在之一。我站在展望台，看著前面的景色，深深吸了一口氣，心裡既激動又平安。不以物喜，不以己悲﹣這是白川鄉給我上的一課。

Heaven and Hell

Going into ¾ of my journey in Japan, I feel like I am petted by unbelievable hospitality of Japan but at the same time, am squeezed by solitude that verges mental torture. There were few incidents that hit me particularly hard in the last month:

1. There was a class that I took this semester of which I was the only non-Japanese student but it was supposed to be taught in English. The last class was rescheduled number of times and the class location also changed. Since I mis-read the announcement, I was late to the class by 20 mins. As I was looking for the classroom, I heard the professor talking behind the door and he was lecturing in Japanese. I froze at that moment and my heart sank. Knowing that if I were to step in the professor would have to revert to English instructions, I did not push the door and instead, walked straight into the bathroom. Many thoughts blazed through but a Japanese word flowed onto my head and wouldn't leave:  "邪魔"(a bother). I was the 邪魔 to the class. Should I just go home and not be the intruder that I hated even though I really wanted to attend the lecture? Or should I interrupt in the middle and had the professor lectured in English instead? In that mere 3 minutes in the bathroom, a gust of resentment got the best of me even though I was not sure whether it was directing to Japan or myself. I asked myself what I was doing there and why did I put myself into situation like this. Finally, I decided to go home. Yet, as I was about to leave, another Japanese student who was also late was about to enter the class and spotted me, so I tagged in from behind. The professor saw me, halted less than a second and immediately changed to English. I stole a glance from the student sitting across me – he gave me a funny look and I pretended that I did not know what was that about.

A little take-away offered by the local middle school students

2. I joined the school's ski tour a week back and had a wonderful time. The school's ski club members and OB were the host of the event and man, they really took care of us. From rental ski-wear to drinking snacks, shower arrangement to party entertainment, they arranged everything and we did not even have to inch our fingers. All we needed to do was to show up and have fun. I had some good talks with the OBs over sake and in times like this, I am skilled in playing the role of a foreigner to bring out interesting talks. We also stopped by to a local middle school on our way back and had a little interaction session with the students there. They were very shy, very reluctant to speak English but were pure like a piece of white paper. A girl asked me which Japanese singer I like most and I said, "Shiina Ringo, what about you?" ,"Arashi", she replied. It got me thinking how the mainstream entertainment industry shaped the likes of young children and these idol groups should indeed carry more social responsibilities.

3. Yesterday night I had the worst experience that tainted my 1.5 year stay in Japan. Around 9pm, alone on my way home from a school event, I was about to climb the stairs to get to the overhead, then from a dark corner, a guy with a wrestling mark emerged and stood only one body apart from me. I think he was only wearing some women' underwear and he looked into my eyes while playing with his stick. His eyes seemed rather innocent and revealed that he may be in his early 30s. Not knowing how to react, I merely frowned and hurried my steps. I wanted to yell at him but I could not utter a sound at that very moment. Half way on the stairs, I looked back and he was still there, swinging his thing and seemed rather pleased with himself. Hurried further, I looked back a few times and was very relieved that he did not follow, noting things could have been much worse. It was traumatizing. I still felt a little bit frightened this morning when i got up this morning. I don't know, this kind of craziness is different from those I saw in Berkeley/SF and it was the first time I sensed real danger. I suddenly want an accompany.

夢。串。

桑田佳佑﹣一個經常給予日本人勇氣和希望的歌手。

這幾天親戚朋友聚舊當然談及到日本的生活見聞。說得最多的是日本人的說話方式內容與日文和廣東話的分別。日本人說話婉轉曖昧在留學之前已詳聞，感受最深的卻是他們在談話內用到「夢想」,「勇氣」，「幸福」，「感動」，「守護」等等這些在香港人看來都很「肉麻」，「唔現實」concepts的頻率。如果套上日本女人的耳，從戀人口中最想聽到的情話不是「我愛你」，而是一句更有實感的「我會守護你」。日本父母不會因為仔女係一個”freeter”(即只打散工的年輕人)掙不到錢而感到羞恥，卻會因為仔女沒有理想混混盹盹過日子而踎心。電視訪問裡，日本職人經常會說，「看到客人的笑容我覺得很幸福。」剛到日本時聽到這些用語我覺得怪怪的，怎麼幸福說得這樣容易這樣濫怎麼動輒就跟人動之已情。但我發現我心底裡其實暗暗感動，慢慢的，眼眶比從前容易濕潤。原來日本濃濃的人情味從他們的語言裡已經心領神會。

王迪詩﹣串盡香江的才女

相比起，談到香港人的說話方式，我只想到一個字，「串」。撇除繁多的粗口和粗鄙的俗語(在我所知範圍內，日文裡沒有一些電視或電台出唔到街的字或音)，廣東話還是有很多方式令聽者難堪。的而且確廣東話非常生動傳神但當我看到某些報章頭條和網民的留言我都不禁鄒眉。如，日本狗仔隊報道藝人緋聞如一夜情時，他們會用「お泊まり愛」（直譯為停留的愛）香港的傳媒就會用一些接近下流的標題。不過與其說香港人本質粗鄙，我更覺得原因是因為香港社會競爭激烈甚麼都只有贏和輸。生活如是說話也如是，轉數快才串得起才贏得眾人歡迎，沒有絲毫相互憐憫的空間。

王迪詩道，愛你，才串你。 Nah, I don't buy that. Love can be gentle.

変わらない物があるんだ。

倉央嘉措-『会うか会わないか』

 

私に会うか、或いは会わないか

私はそこにある。 悲も喜もない 

私を思うか、或いは思わないか 

情はそこにある 来るのも行くのもしない

　　　私を恋するか、或いは恋しないか

愛はそこにある

増えるのも減らすのもしない

溫存於温泉

金矢温泉in花巻市

Actually i should spend some time to write about my volunteering experience in Iwate but i decided to come back to that later and instead, write about my addiction to onsen because embarrassingly and admittedly, the self revelation brings forth from loosing myself in hot spring is much more pronounced than cleaning the debris under the rain.

Seeing the naked bodies around me was one of the reasons that i feel so relaxed being in onsen and i bet it does not make a difference whether these bodies are female or male. these naked bodies make me forget the innate difference among people - in the onsen, as we are stripped to the bare skin, we are no longer some predefined roles we play along but just some animals trying to reward our bodies. there is nothing we are hiding from and nothing we can hide in the onsen and suddenly, we become what we really are in the rawest and most natural form. concurrently, the bodies reveal themselves in the cleanest possible ways: free from dirt and petted with a sweet fragrance. these are sincere physical beauty and it is precisely this unfeignedness i appreciate. in the outdoor onsen, the pleasure steps up as the bodies blend the cool autumn air with the steam from the springs. rain sprinkled on you  but you would not mind it because you find peace with yourself, and nature.

P.S. the reason i got to go to onsen during the trip was that we stayed overnight in a nearby campsite with no showering facilities but this onsen was within walking distance so i and the other girls stopped by twice in both days.

終活

終活指南書

早兩天NHK播了一個有關日本人繼「就活」（找工作）、「婚活」（找伴侶）之後另一個興起的單詞﹣「終活」，即是為死亡準備的特輯。在大學裡讀日本文學時已知道日本人對死亡有自己獨特的解讀，不像中國人般因「大吉利是」而忌諱而談。當然也大概是因為日本的退休褔利優厚醫療制度完善，一般人老後都不必為生活擔心所以更注重心靈上的充實。令我吃驚的是他們從「終活」表現出來對死亡的坦然。具體來說，「終活」包括有：上影樓為自己拍下遺照、挑選自己的墓碑(有和式，洋式選撰）、在殯儀公司預先付款及寫下自己的一生和對親友的遺言等等。節目裡最誇張的「終活」是「遺裝」時裝騷，讓自己選喜歡的衣物離去。不過讓我最戚戚然的是其中一位看上去只有六十多歲的婦人的訪問。她替自己選了塊在櫻花樹下沒有墓碑的草地墓園為自己的長居之地，和其他不認識的人葬在一起，對此她說道：「我沒有子女，所以沒有人會來替我掃墓。但至少為其他人來掃墓的參拜者能夠欣賞到這裡的櫻花也是好的。」雖然不知道我半桶水的日文有沒有理解錯她的意思，但聽起來就不其然的有一絲心酸。

我在這裡留下一些文字為自己那微不充道的存在留下些印記，大概也是終活的一種吧。

明日晴れるかな

作詞＆作曲：桑田佳祐


熱い涙や恋の叫びも
輝ける日はどこへ消えたの？
明日（あす）もあてなき道を彷徨うなら
これ以上もとには戻れない

耳を澄ませば心の声は
僕に何を語り掛けるだろう？
今は汚れた街の片隅にいて
あの頃の空を想うたびに

神より賜えし孤独やトラブル
泣きたい時は泣きなよ
これが運命（さだめ）でしょうか？
あきらめようか？
季節は巡る魔法のように

Oh,Baby.　No,maybe.
「愛」失くして「情」も無い？
嘆くようなフリ
世の中のせいににするだけ

Oh,baby. You're maybe.
「哀」失くして「楽」は無い
幸せのFeeling
抱きしめて　One more time.

或りし日の己れを愛するために
思い出は美しくあるのさ
遠い過去よりまだ見ぬ人生は
夢ひとつ叶えるためにある

奇跡のドアを開けるのは誰？
微笑みよ　もう一度だけ
君は気づくでしょうか？
その鍵はもう
君の手のひらの上に

Why,baby? Oh,tell me.
「愛」失くして「憎」も無い？
見て見ないようなフリ
その身を守るため？

Oh,baby. You're maybe.
もう少しの勝負じゃない！
くじけそうな　Feeling
乗り越えて　One more chance.

I take to myself

Oh, baby. No,maybe.
「愛」失くして「憎」も無い？
嘆くようなフリ
残るのは後悔だけ！

Oh, baby. Smile　baby.
その生命（いのち）は永遠（とわ）じゃない
誰もがひとりひとり胸の中で
そっと囁いているよ

「明日（あした）晴れるかな・・・」

遥か空の下

心を暖かめる歌

感動を、ありがとう

日本の田舎にいきたい。

明日へのマーチ　

桑田佳祐


遥かなる青い空　何処までも続く道
希望胸に歩いてた　あの夏の頃

想えば恋しいや　忘れ難き故郷
願うは遠くで　生きる人の幸せ
風吹く杜　君住む町

いい事もつらい事も　それなりに合ったけど
野も山も越えていこう　明日へのフレーフレー！

夕暮れにかすむ空　見上げれば十五夜月
黄昏に色付くは宵待ちの花

夢にも寄り添う　愛しい人の面影
もう一度逢えたら　在るがままの姿で
涙の川　溢る思い

子供らが笑う時　新しい朝が来る
希望胸に歩き出す　足音よフレーフレー！

想えば恋しいや　忘れ難き故郷
芽生えよ かの地に　命の灯を絶やさず
輝く海　美しい街　oh~~~

眼濕濕

在日本生活淚線會變得發達。

昨晚電視播放了探訪地震受災地區家庭的特備節目。地震前，這個節目會安排藝人到一些鄉村地區，在沒作任何住宿安排下，讓藝人叩門請求當地的居民讓他們渡宿一宵，是生活感滿滿的一個電視節目。而昨夜被探訪在東北居住的家庭都是前些陣子讓這些藝人住了一晚，曾在飯桌上暢談生活的舊相識。

人面依舊，景物全非。

 可幸的是他們都活下來了。雖然只是有過一天的交流，但災劫後再會相擁時的激動，感激還能存活下來的心情是就算在攝錄機下都不能假裝出來的。濃濃的人情味讓我看得眼濕濕。人與人的相處原本就應該如此純粹呀，我想。

今早起來，呻著咖啡的同時，看見新聞報導日本女足贏得世界杯，心裡又湧起一種感動。

她們身高速度都不如美國隊，對上25次交戰也未嘗一勝。但這些大概都不重要。她們代表的是一個在過去數月被天災摧殘但風骨氣節無捐的國家。沉著應戰，要相信能拿到最後勝利，她們都是這樣想吧。頑強的意志轉成能力，到最後堅韌的心讓她們獲勝。

讀著讀著又發覺眼眶濕潤了。


日本就是這樣一個可愛令人感動的國家。 

自粛

Many people in Japan have started their own austerity plan since the 3/11 catastrophic earthquake as a way to express sorrow for the national tragedy. While the intention is admirable, the effort actually hampered the economic recovery of the Tohoku region, a classic example of what people's good will turned detrimental. The backbone of modern economy lies in consumption and any unexpected cutback will for sure delay a speedy recovery and any self-help initiatives. Similarly, the power-saving theme which dominated the social mood the last few months lacks true economic benefit as any dip in power usage during the low-consumption months will not help store up the excess power capacity in preparation for the upcoming high-consumption months. It only reduces TEPCO's revenue, which is much needed for reparations to the affected residents around the nuclear plant. While abstinence in energy has helped us reflect on the way we have been using energy and is good for the environment in general, any senseless cut should be rethink twice. The real test of grit of this nation comes as we finally step into summer. Already we saw a 93.3% electricity usage yesterday under an unyielding 35 degree Celsius. We will see if any 自粛 practices in the last few months help us weather through this summer.

On a related note, I came across to this blog post few days ago and that resonates with this idea though the context is completely different. We like to believe that what we are doing are for the goods of others (為你好) but a lot of times, this is uncalled for and is not what your counterpart wants. What is likely the case is that we just like to self-glorify our sacrifice and claim righteousness for the sake of pride instead of listening to what the other person wants and develop mutual benefit. So next time you do something thinking that it is for the sake of that person, talk to them before proceeding. 

Well, this is actually quite a dilemma to someone who truly wants to do something good for the society - are we really helping or just self-helping?

在経済産業省的兩個月

，

経済産業省的外觀

上星期天在明報刊登的「安裕周記﹕通產省的破沙發」好像給自己在経済産業省的兩個月加上新的注譯，大有茅塞頓開的感覺之餘，很慚愧沒有寫一篇像樣的短文去反思自己在日本這半年來理應是很難得但自覺平平無奇的工作經驗，現在補上為將來作留底之用。

在経済産業省的研究所兼職了兩個月，談下上有甚麼貢獻更不能說對日本的官僚文化與制度產生深刻的認識，但從微小處可見大義，略談以下幾點：


1． Relationship matters．我這個不喑日文沒有人脈的外國留學生，如果沒有産業省內的人推薦根本沒有可能在這機構工作。十分幸運的是上個學期拿的兩課是由一位曾經在産業省內擔任甚高職位的教授主講，而我因為比較率性無禮在課內說話很多而被認識。其後在自己屢尋實習機會不果後，我便決定嘗試聯絡這位教授幫忙，不料在一星期內他便替我在産業省內搭好橋，為我找了一份替某位由中國來的學者當助理的兼職。

相較在美國找工作找實習競爭的激烈，這個實習機會可謂來得有點太容易。日本人注重的大概不是亮麗的履歷表或公式的面試過程，而是人與人之間的信任。「做生不如做熟」，産業省內的員工因為教授的經驗而相信他的推薦，而教授亦因為我在班中的表現而相信我的工作能力，所以我才會這麼容易獲得這個機會。這種互信關係減少了工作間可能出現的磨擦，亦是日本人團隊精神的另一種展現。壞處當然是有的﹣過份信任除了令制度失去自我改善的積極性外亦令制度變得不透明，使外人無所適從。

2．Everyone matters．日本人的團隊精神人所共知，我覺得這團隊精神的前題是每個個體都感到被重視和意識到自身對整個組織的重要性。每天的午休前産業省的廣播都會忠告職員離開座位時將電氣盡量關掉，減少對地球暖化的影響。我想，這不僅是這個國家對世界的承擔，這個政府部門對國家承諾的承擔，也是每個産業省職員對自身行動及對週遭環境影響的自覺。如果沒有感到被視為團體內重要的一份子， 他們不會將這廣播當一回事，不會將垃圾好好分類，不會不在車箱內用手提電話通話這些外國人看來高度自律的秩序。當然，這種自覺亦可以被譯成一種巨大的無形壓力，稍稍離軌便為社會所不容，致日本成為其中一個自殺率最高的國家。

3．Gender matters. 放眼研究所內，絕大部女性職員擔當的都是屬支援類別的工作，只有少數女性擔任研究員的職位。辦公室內只有女職員會將垃圾籃內的垃圾移至中央垃圾箱，「外遣」員工（即非正式社員）也是以女性居多。雖然至今不少日本女性都安份於男性主導的社會文化，但據我校經濟部門的伊藤教授的某專欄說，現在有很多(而且有增加趨勢)日本年輕男性屬「草食係」，即沒有競爭上進心，對工作戀愛都不感興趣，不願出國去闖，反之日本的年輕女性對外間的世界更好奇更想到外國進修或工作。這不會是短期內可達致的改變，但對日本老化和減少中的人口，更外的工作女性將可舒緩沒有足夠工人的壓力，長遠來說是一件好事。

如安裕所說，経済産業省是一所其貌不揚火柴盒般的建築物，在這裡的兩個月我得到的不是一些硬知識，而是一些不能隨手拈來需要反覆思量從經驗去提煉的軟知識。

The Quake: My Day

 I have experienced couple earthquakes since moving to Japan so when this one hit on Friday, I thought it would just be like the other ones which usually fade in a minute. However, the initial shock was different from the usual swing. It started with like a groan from the ground then followed by a slight up-and-down shake, and the shock intensified afterward. At my last day of work in RIETI, I was sitting in front of the computer in a 11 floors high government building and my office was at the highest floor. My hands gripped the keyboard tight as I sat uneasily and the shock persisted. My coworkers all stood up and they looked at each other with a surprised look. The binds in the office room made loud noises and the cabinet was banging the wall. After 30 seconds or so, I felt dizzy but I went ahead to email my parents and Kentaro about the quake and that I was fine, noting the unusual strength of the quake. I guess I was trying to find solace thousands of miles away in the midst of horror which was exaggerated for my being in an unfamiliar environment. Luckily, Kentaro was next to his computer and was able to send his comforting words over almost instantaneously, which somewhat unease my nervousness.

Floor of my office building

The first wave eventually quieted down but just when I thought it was over, the second wave hit. We all stood up, holding onto the table and I ran through scenarios in my head trying to decide whether it would be safer to be on the 11th floor or the ground floor if the building started to collapse.  We were all checking the web feverishly about any possible updates of the earthquakes as subsequent aftershocks made their presence felt. The news started to float on the web and I came to the realization that this one was indeed massive, but at that point, I still thought the damage would be minimal. After all, this is Japan, if anywhere, a nation that is best prepared for earthquakes, both technically and mentally.

people stormed inside 7-11 and all food items were gone

Things, however, made a quick turn for the worse in matter of hours. Reports of deaths started to come in and all trains were called for a halt. I left the office just before 6pm knowing that train service was unlikely to be resumed anytime soon. I looked up the route on google and took notes of the landmarks and names of the streets that I should set out for my journey. The streets were flooded with people, a rare sight that reminded me of Hong Kong but the temperature was still at single digit and I secretly regretted wearing only a thin jacket. Despite a long journey walk alone, I tried to cheer myself up by telling myself that this was quite an experience and that I was walking with all the commuters, so I was not alone. But I could not help feel sorry for myself that no one had called to check on my safety, not knowing that phone service was also disrupted. I went on walking, and stopped in a 7-11 trying to get an origini or something. To my surprise, the food racks were almost bare and I ended up getting a hot yuzu juice to warm myself before moving further. Then I realized almost all convenience stores along the way were stormed with people and all fresh food, bentos, origini alike were gone. Fast food chains and other food places that provide quick services also saw lines of people waiting, and I waited for 20 minutes to eat at a small Ramen shop across from the Tokyo University campus after walking for 1.5 hours in the cold. 

It took me another two hours to get home, in an almost uneventful fashion. I moved forward quietly with the rest of a orderly crowd, and there was no sense of panic in the air. Not even cops were needed for crowd management. The traffic barely moved but again, no horns or any signs of agitation, sirens of ambulances and fire trucks went off every 15 minutes or so and cars always made way for them to go through. 

I got home, and felt blessed that power, water and gas is still running. I turned on my laptop and saw all the emails, and messages on Facebook that friends, some of whom I have not talked to for ages, left me. I was very touched. And I guess that is the only good thing about a crisis like this. It bridged gaps of time, geography and draw you closer to people who care about you just when you thought you are alone. I cannot be more grateful for everything.