Asian Salad

echoed in me.

2012-01-28T04:47:00.001-08:00

Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere?
Or would it be a waste even if I knew my place
Should I leave it there?

夢。串。

2012-01-19T09:13:00.000-08:00

桑田佳佑﹣一個經常給予日本人勇氣和希望的歌手。

這幾天親戚朋友聚舊當然談及到日本的生活見聞。說得最多的是日本人的說話方式內容與日文和廣東話的分別。日本人說話婉轉曖昧在留學之前已詳聞，感受最深的卻是他們在談話內用到「夢想」,「勇氣」，「幸福」，「感動」，「守護」等等這些在香港人看來都很「肉麻」，「唔現實」concepts的頻率。如果套上日本女人的耳，從戀人口中最想聽到的情話不是「我愛你」，而是一句更有實感的「我會守護你」。日本父母不會因為仔女係一個”freeter”(即只打散工的年輕人)掙不到錢而感到羞恥，卻會因為仔女沒有理想混混盹盹過日子而踎心。電視訪問裡，日本職人經常會說，「看到客人的笑容我覺得很幸福。」剛到日本時聽到這些用語我覺得怪怪的，怎麼幸福說得這樣容易這樣濫怎麼動輒就跟人動之已情。但我發現我心底裡其實暗暗感動，慢慢的，眼眶比從前容易濕潤。原來日本濃濃的人情味從他們的語言裡已經心領神會。


王迪詩﹣串盡香江的才女

相比起，談到香港人的說話方式，我只想到一個字，「串」。撇除繁多的粗口和粗鄙的俗語(在我所知範圍內，日文裡沒有一些電視或電台出唔到街的字或音)，廣東話還是有很多方式令聽者難堪。的而且確廣東話非常生動傳神但當我看到某些報章頭條和網民的留言我都不禁鄒眉。如，日本狗仔隊報道藝人緋聞如一夜情時，他們會用「お泊まり愛」（直譯為停留的愛）香港的傳媒就會用一些接近下流的標題。不過與其說香港人本質粗鄙，我更覺得原因是因為香港社會競爭激烈甚麼都只有贏和輸。生活如是說話也如是，轉數快才串得起才贏得眾人歡迎，沒有絲毫相互憐憫的空間。

王迪詩道，愛你，才串你。 Nah, I don't buythat. Love can be gentle.

変わらない物があるんだ。

2012-01-16T02:42:00.000-08:00

倉央嘉措-『会うか会わないか』

私に会うか、或いは会わないか

私はそこにある。悲も喜もない

私を思うか、或いは思わないか

情はそこにある来るのも行くのもしない

　　　私を恋するか、或いは恋しないか

愛はそこにある

増えるのも減らすのもしない

人性本懶？

2012-01-08T07:05:00.000-08:00

是最近這一兩年吧，不知是學術使然還是宏觀環境變得兩極化，思想變得愈來愈左傾，對保守式的資本主義近乎煩厭，特別是讀到有關共和黨候選人為討好保守派立場的市民的發言如：

Santorum on contraception: "It’s not OK. It’s a license to do things in a sexual realm that is counter to how things are supposed to be."

Newt Gingrich took a voter question on how he’d reel in our “out of control” welfare state in Iowa as an opportunity to ding Attorney General Eric Holder, who has nothing to do with whether such programs are means tested or how they are funded. “I’m sure Attorney General Eric Holder would assume it’s racist to ask,” Gingrich told the voter, because “his automatic answer to everything” is that it’s “racist.”

除了失笑以外，只可慨嘆共和陣營的板斧太低了。

我想，這數年來的分化，表面上是爭拗政府規模的大小，深一點看卻是對人性看法觀點不一致再加上經濟衰退而致資源分配緊張的結果。民主黨普遍認為應從有錢人那裡立稅擴大公共開支以扶助窮人而共和黨則信奉市場教條，相信能者應多得。而這分別又可從人自身的幸褔究竟有多少是可靠個人努力而獲取這問題作起點去討論。著名哲學家John Rawls的論點道：一個人擁有的所有東西，因為上至才能下至實質財富都是遺傳得來的，就算是所謂後天努力亦是因為外在環境因素而造成，所以收入以最大的平均度分配才乎原則。當然，在現今社會這只不過是一個學術理論。人性本懶是所有經濟學家的基本設定，但有多懶卻是爭拗重點。究竟有多少人半生誠懇工作，到頭來卻沒有充夠儲蓄醫病？又究竟有多少人有工作也不願工作只靠褔利金過活？我沒有數據。但當我看到日本很多老人雖然退休褔利完善卻堅持工作，又，香港許多基層勞動者每星期7天每天10小時的工作卻三餐不繼的時候，我寧願將安全網擴大養活多個懶人也不想看見漏網之魚苦苦爭扎。

抽離

2012-01-02T17:09:00.000-08:00

幾星期前去了英倫數天，回到東京後驟覺豁然開朗，一掃之前的功課壓力和不肯定將來帶來的隱隱不安。隨後的忘年會year-end party等等更是忘形，斗膽邀請我學部內幾乎最得高望重的教授唱K，年屆60的教授不但應邀表現還讓在場的學生如我自愧不如。之後接連有朋友到訪，一起飲吃遊玩當然少不了。除夕雖然和前年一樣一個人過，但新一年是以看著松本人志的搞笑賀年節目的笑聲開始，比起上一年那忐忑不安倒也樂得心境清靜。有時候我們的確需要從狹隘的現實抽離一下，因為天空比我們所想的更闊更廣。

So beautiful that my heart aches.

2011-11-26T00:26:00.001-08:00

Every note seems to knock my heart out.

大丈夫、道がきっとあるから。

2011-11-19T06:57:00.001-08:00

Youtube only has the first half of the song but it's latter half is where the gist is.

そうか…失せる sorry
No luck 途中で empty
今も never thought you’d bring me down
More wine 誰の真似
So wise ここに立って
これからどうなる change my life

It’s never gonna bring me down
No never gonna bring me down
昇って沈む日が笑っていた
It’s never gonna bring me down
No never gonna bring me down
I got up and I changed my life

どうして人はみんな
昨日に寄り添うの
哀しみを知っていながら
I’ve gotta live on ’cause now I’m moving on

世界は囁いて
やさしさにつつまれた
ありがとうキミの声で
たちあがる
And now I’m moving on
Now I don’t know where I need to go
There’s always kindness standing by your side
I watch the rain fall just like I knew it would
There’s room to go on
So now I’m living on

Last night I woke up in the night
たった一度きりの
いつも囚われ spider web
ほらすぐそこには straight line
がんじがらめ headlight headlight
これからどうなる change my mind

It’s never gonna bring me down
No never gonna bring me down
昇って沈む日が笑っていた
It’s never gonna bring me down
No never gonna bring me down
I got up and I changed my life

そうして人はみんな
明日に寄り添うの
喜びを知っているから
I’ve gotta live on ’cause now I’m moving on

世界は囁いて
やさしさにつつまれた
ありがとうキミの声で
たちあがる
And now I’m moving on

遠く古い記憶に怯えていた
今が強く高くなる程に
夜が明ければ全てなくして
迫りくる
When will it come again

世界は
煌めいて
さよなら
このひかりよ
だからもう
迷わないで
たちあがる
And now I’m living on

世界は囁いて
やさしさにつつまれた
ありがとうキミの声で
たちあがる
And now I’m moving on
Now I dont’t know where I need to go
There’s always kindness standing by your side
I watch the rain fall just like I knew it would
There’s room to go on
So now I’m living on
Oooh!
I watch the rain fall just like I knew it would
There’s room to go on
So now I’m living on

the Light Bulb dimmed today

2011-10-06T04:12:00.000-07:00

I wept seeing this picture: Steve Jobs with his wife after his last ever keynote. Both of them probably knew it was his last.

Thank you for lighting up the lives of so many, Steve Jobs. You will be missed dearly. I only wish I can be a match to some, however feeble and ephemeral my power it may be. But I promise, I will exhaust myself to radiate.

Live the moment. Live the best you can be.

論論文

2011-09-29T09:28:00.000-07:00

screen-shot of my thesis-in-progress

這陣子大部份心思都投放在論文之上。在這裡寫些甚麼成了無意識無目的地上fb以外唯一覺得沒將時間白白浪費的抖氣點。不過，雖說是大部份心思，以我貧乏的專注力來說要我廢寢忘餐去思考去寫當然是沒可能。每當稍稍有眉目時，總要去廚房弄些甚麼然後注意力又走到明天的午，晚飯之上。好不容易才回到論文要寫些數學公式經濟邏輯時，又發現之前想到的離題了又未及周全﹣等等，我的論文題目究竟可行嗎，有意義嗎？這個assumption會不會太離譜了些？如是這般來來回回，寫了又刪改了再改ctrl+z的仲多過寫下的字，愈寫愈沒信心。教授也沒甚麼意見讓我自由發揮，只希望他不會到我入大直路時才突然跟我說我的approach錯晒。

寫論文根本是一場跟自己思路搏鬥的持久戰。一開始時像收拾混亂的房間，茫無頭緒不知從何開始。腦內的確有很多主意，但都是一些不接軌的片塊資料，要將它們嵌駁然後引伸至未有人到訪的地方需要不停的翻閱文獻，尋找自己知識的斷層然後合適的工具連接起。在這過程中你會不停質疑自己的理論，觀點並感嘆自己所知的渺少。接著你會懷疑自己在這研究課題得出結論的合理性。當從頭審視論文發覺自己的論據是如斯不堪一擊時，便又要回到原點想新的approach。每次你的知識也從中增加，但來來回回起碼十數次。（只算論文裡的一個section)所以很多時候不是想寫便寫。更多時候是對著文獻發呆，好像領會了些甚麼但一時間又在自己的研究裡用不上。要牢牢的掌握我還差很遠。

sigh.抖夠氣了。回數字星球去。

溫存於温泉

2011-09-22T04:59:00.000-07:00

金矢温泉in花巻市

Actually i should spend some time to write about my volunteering experience in Iwate but i decided to come back to that later and instead, write about my addiction to onsen because embarrassingly and admittedly, the self revelation brings forth from loosing myself in hot spring is much more pronounced than cleaning the debris under the rain.

Seeing the naked bodies around me was one of the reasons that i feel so relaxed being in onsen and i bet it does not make a difference whether these bodies are female or male. these naked bodies make me forget the innate difference among people - in the onsen, as we are stripped to the bare skin, we are no longer some predefined roles we play along but just some animals trying to reward our bodies. there is nothing we are hiding from and nothing we can hide in the onsen and suddenly, we become what we really are in the rawest and most natural form. concurrently, the bodies reveal themselves in the cleanest possible ways: free from dirt and petted with a sweet fragrance. these are sincere physical beauty and it is precisely this unfeignedness i appreciate. in the outdoor onsen, the pleasure steps up as the bodies blend the cool autumn air with the steam from the springs. rain sprinkled on you but you would not mind it because you find peace with yourself, and nature.

P.S. the reason i got to go to onsen during the trip was that we stayed overnight in a nearby campsite with no showering facilities but this onsen was within walking distance so i and the other girls stopped by twice in both days.

終活

2011-09-17T04:57:00.000-07:00


終活指南書

早兩天NHK播了一個有關日本人繼「就活」（找工作）、「婚活」（找伴侶）之後另一個興起的單詞﹣「終活」，即是為死亡準備的特輯。在大學裡讀日本文學時已知道日本人對死亡有自己獨特的解讀，不像中國人般因「大吉利是」而忌諱而談。當然也大概是因為日本的退休褔利優厚醫療制度完善，一般人老後都不必為生活擔心所以更注重心靈上的充實。令我吃驚的是他們從「終活」表現出來對死亡的坦然。具體來說，「終活」包括有：上影樓為自己拍下遺照、挑選自己的墓碑(有和式，洋式選撰）、在殯儀公司預先付款及寫下自己的一生和對親友的遺言等等。節目裡最誇張的「終活」是「遺裝」時裝騷，讓自己選喜歡的衣物離去。不過讓我最戚戚然的是其中一位看上去只有六十多歲的婦人的訪問。她替自己選了塊在櫻花樹下沒有墓碑的草地墓園為自己的長居之地，和其他不認識的人葬在一起，對此她說道：「我沒有子女，所以沒有人會來替我掃墓。但至少為其他人來掃墓的參拜者能夠欣賞到這裡的櫻花也是好的。」雖然不知道我半桶水的日文有沒有理解錯她的意思，但聽起來就不其然的有一絲心酸。

我在這裡留下一些文字為自己那微不充道的存在留下些印記，大概也是終活的一種吧。

few words on social protection

2011-09-15T00:36:00.000-07:00

Milton Friedman in Hong Kong

"This thriving, bustling, dynamic city, has been made possible by the free market indeed the freest market in the world. The free market enables people to go into any industry that they want; to trade with whomever they want; to buy in the cheapest market around the world; to sell in the dearest around the world. But most important of all, if they fail, they bear the cost. If they succeed, they get the benefit and it's that atmosphere of incentive that has induced them to work, to adjust, to save, to produce a miracle. This miracle hasn't been achieved by government action by someone sitting in one of those tall buildings and telling people what to do. It's been achieved by allowing the market to work. Walk down any street in Hong Kong and you will see the impersonal forces of the market in operation." - Milton Friedman, 1980

I have a classmate who is an adamant follower of Milton Friedman's economic principles. He thinks that aside from national defense and foreign affairs, the government should have no role in providing any social service. Those who want unemployment/retirement insurance should purchase them in the private sectors, and government's interferences was precisely the reason of inflated medical cost. He thinks Hong Kong's economic success attests to his beliefs in laissez-faire capitalism. And to his point, private sector is almost always more economic efficient than the public sector and excessive state intervention compromises economic potential.

While I respect his free-market faith, I don't believe that nil government involvement in social services brings out the best of the economy and the people, especially in an advanced economy. As an economy develops and people become richer, the opportunity cost to innovate or to pursue a "different path" also rises correspondingly. Living in an unforgivingly competitive society, people confront not the question of job choice but a matter of survival. Even those who are better off becoming an entrepreneur or a writer has no proper outlet to develop their potential but to be stuck at their mundane day jobs just to make end meets. Social protection in the form of unemployment insurance or social security therefore can serve as a safety net for people to become the best that they can be . Of course, excessive amount of social protection bounds to have undesirable consequences. Some said that the perennial high unemployment of many southern European countries is attributed to the overly generous protection of their social security system, and I will not argue with that. People are just responding to incentives after all.

Coming back to Hong Kong, its apparent economic achievements have masked the latent issues of growing social divide and the ossified upward social channels for the young. These have been much discussed by the local intellects at the backdrop of a sudden spur of the post-80s demonstrations in the last year. These angry youngsters are despised by "social injustice", namely the overtaking of Hong Kong's economy by a few prominent families and living a life whose sole and unattainable goal is home ownership. These are all ugly manifests of the "free-market" history of Hong Kong, where monopoly law is essentially nonexistent and the long overdue minimum wage law was only introduced in August. Much else is needed to prevent further fractionalization of the city. In order for the government to regain the heart and mind of the Hong Kong resident at a time when freedom is further restricted under the tight monitoring of the mainland and fruits of economic success is unequally shared, I suppose a slow transition to a modern welfare state is inevitable.

THE mountain & me

2011-08-19T19:54:00.000-07:00

A little bit less than two months ago, I put my name down for the Mt Fuji climbing trip after realizing the relationship was falling apart and it would be unlikely for me to be in Nana at this time. So my prescient feeling was right and i, alone, went to Mt Fuji with the other 49 (mostly) international students. Quoting from a tourist i overheard on the peak, there was not quite any mountain in the world like Fujisan which signifies so much to the nation. In short, it is the symbol and the national pride of Japan. The night before I was a little bit worried because I almost fainted in an outdoor concert couple days ago due to the heat and at times, I tend to overestimate my physical fitness. so prior to the trip, I was just praying that I would not suffer from altitude sickness because then I would not be able to check off "Climbed Mt Fuji" from my bucket list. From far, the mountain looks benevolent but it would be a huge mistake to say it was a easy trail. In fact, it was quite a physical challenge but well, the good and bad thing about climbing Mt Fuji is that it is so crowded and people literally have to wait in line to hike up, so those waiting time is actually a good time to rest and there was no pressure to catch up with your peers since people are just going up slowly. And the climb actually becomes fun once you pass through the initial slopes and you got to start using your hands to push your body up. I like that because it requires more body coordination instead of just your thigh and feet. During the hike/climb, I kept thinking back at the time me and K2 were at this mountain at Winters and I got so upset because of the endless stairs up. Then I related what would have been like if K2 was there, and whether I would be able to walk with him shoulder-to-shoulder.

It took us about 4.5 hours to reach ９合目 and by then, my thighs were hurting and my stomach was flat. The first batch of our group (including me) checked into the lodge (the highest one on Mt Fuji) at around 6:30 and a bento was served right after. Nothing fancy and I suspected that they used beef for the hamburger platter but it was not the kind of occasion that I could ask for a substitute. After the meal we were immediately led to the sleeping area which is so small that i can't even turn around without waking the person next to me. Interesting still, the bedding space was not separated by genders so I was sleeping next to a male groupmate. It was a little bit after 7pm when we were asked to go to bed and naturally, none of us could really fall sleep despite a rather long day and knowing that we had to wake up at 2am the next day to catch the sun rise. There was no shower and we were not even allowed to brush our teeth since toothpaste is prohibited so I was quite disgusted by myself.

At something around 1:30am, people are already starting to get changed and I, still exhausted, followed the suit of the others quickly put on my skiing jacket. (too tired and my nose is bleeding (why?)... to be continued tomorrow, hopefully I won't forget the details and my emotional status)

Continuing from last night...It was still completely dark outside when we were about to took off at around 2:30am. Most people have equipped with some lighting device while I was not prepared at all. So I felt quite uneasy climbing in complete darkness, fearing that any misstep would kill myself. The mist did not help either as the rocky trails got quite slippery in midnight. Following as closely as the person in front of me as possible, I held my head down the whole time and just wished that we reached the top already. The memories of K2 kept coming back to me on the way as I imagined maybe 20 years ago, you walked on the same path to the top and I was just replicating your experience. The fact that I have not let go of him yet bothered me a lot but all I can do now is to comfort myself that at least I had invested in real feelings and it was never easy for me to fall for someone. So to have this mere experience was worthwhile. Anyhow, at around 3:30am, we finally made it to the tori of the peak!!　やった!!! we all congratulated each other, high-fiveing and taking pictures.

We were told that the sunrise would happen at around 5:20am so we were just hanging around before then. It was very foggy and extremely cold at the peak so when the stores opened, all the climbers flooded in to get some warm air. They served some hot food like curry rice and ramen, but I did not want to spend a fortune on midnight snacks. So I was just chatting with a friend that I met on the trip and we were just talking about the culture difference between the States and Japan. My broken Japanese has helped to facilitate a pretty interesting conversation so time passed quickly. At around 5am, we stepped outside to the cold and were waiting the sun to come out. Shivering, we hid our face behind the jackets and stared at the watch. It was getting bright but the sun never appeared. We then finally realized the fog was too thick on that morning and we would not be able to see the sunrise. At 6am, the group gathered again we started heading back to the lodge. I guess, precisely because we did not see the sunrise this time, it has given us a reason for me to come back in the future. It is inevitable that we run into some regrets in life and things are not always within our control. As we walked down, the mist disappeared suddenly and we saw that the sun was already high above a sea of clouds. It was only a few seconds before the mist came back again but that very moment was worth all the sweats and pain. After that, the mist was on and off and I was just in awe with the postcard-like view from the top. The very view has captured and boasted our imaginations and I was just grateful being able to witness this natural wonder.

The walk down proved as mentally teasing as the way up though it was probably more physically daunting. My running shoes were not very good protective gears and at around ８合目, my toes started cramping and it was all pain thereafter. The bottom was in our sight but it seemed like we would never get there. My phone vibrated at one point along the way down and at that point, I surprised myself again by how much I wished it was K2. As I saw no missed call so I guess it was really just the alarm clock. My emotional state just sank along with my altitude. なさけない...At around 11am, we made it back to the coaching bus and I just glued to my seat, not wanting to even inch my finger. The driver drove us to a nearby public path/onsen and I let loose myself in the steamy water. After two days of intense physical activities, that was the best healing treatment you could get. The lunch bento, despite visually pleasing, was less than delicious though.

This concluded my two-day trip.

you only live once. live it, don't whine

2011-08-14T06:20:00.001-07:00

あれ以来1ヶ月

2011-08-09T07:30:00.000-07:00

If the truth is you're a liar
When you say that you're okay
I'm sleeping on your side of the bed going out of my head now

And if you're out there trying to move on
But something pulls you back again
I'm sitting here trying to persuade you like you're in the same room

And I wish you could give me the cold shoulder
And I wish you could still give me a hard time
And I wish I could still wish it was over
But even if wishing is a waste of time
Even if I never cross your mind

明日晴れるかな

2011-08-06T20:34:00.000-07:00

作詞＆作曲：桑田佳祐

熱い涙や恋の叫びも
輝ける日はどこへ消えたの？
明日（あす）もあてなき道を彷徨うなら
これ以上もとには戻れない

耳を澄ませば心の声は
僕に何を語り掛けるだろう？
今は汚れた街の片隅にいて
あの頃の空を想うたびに

神より賜えし孤独やトラブル
泣きたい時は泣きなよ
これが運命（さだめ）でしょうか？
あきらめようか？
季節は巡る魔法のように

Oh,Baby.　No,maybe.
「愛」失くして「情」も無い？
嘆くようなフリ
世の中のせいににするだけ

Oh,baby. You're maybe.
「哀」失くして「楽」は無い
幸せのFeeling
抱きしめて　One more time.

或りし日の己れを愛するために
思い出は美しくあるのさ
遠い過去よりまだ見ぬ人生は
夢ひとつ叶えるためにある

奇跡のドアを開けるのは誰？
微笑みよ　もう一度だけ
君は気づくでしょうか？
その鍵はもう
君の手のひらの上に

Why,baby? Oh,tell me.
「愛」失くして「憎」も無い？
見て見ないようなフリ
その身を守るため？

Oh,baby. You're maybe.
もう少しの勝負じゃない！
くじけそうな　Feeling
乗り越えて　One more chance.

I take to myself

Oh, baby. No,maybe.
「愛」失くして「憎」も無い？
嘆くようなフリ
残るのは後悔だけ！

Oh, baby. Smile　baby.
その生命（いのち）は永遠（とわ）じゃない
誰もがひとりひとり胸の中で
そっと囁いているよ

「明日（あした）晴れるかな・・・」

遥か空の下

心を暖かめる歌

2011-08-05T05:00:00.000-07:00

感動を、ありがとう

日本の田舎にいきたい。

明日へのマーチ　

桑田佳祐

遥かなる青い空　何処までも続く道
希望胸に歩いてた　あの夏の頃

想えば恋しいや　忘れ難き故郷
願うは遠くで　生きる人の幸せ
風吹く杜　君住む町

いい事もつらい事も　それなりに合ったけど
野も山も越えていこう　明日へのフレーフレー！

夕暮れにかすむ空　見上げれば十五夜月
黄昏に色付くは宵待ちの花

夢にも寄り添う　愛しい人の面影
もう一度逢えたら　在るがままの姿で
涙の川　溢る思い

子供らが笑う時　新しい朝が来る
希望胸に歩き出す　足音よフレーフレー！

想えば恋しいや　忘れ難き故郷
芽生えよかの地に　命の灯を絶やさず
輝く海　美しい街　oh~~~

眼濕濕

2011-07-17T23:54:00.000-07:00

在日本生活淚線會變得發達。

昨晚電視播放了探訪地震受災地區家庭的特備節目。地震前，這個節目會安排藝人到一些鄉村地區，在沒作任何住宿安排下，讓藝人叩門請求當地的居民讓他們渡宿一宵，是生活感滿滿的一個電視節目。而昨夜被探訪在東北居住的家庭都是前些陣子讓這些藝人住了一晚，曾在飯桌上暢談生活的舊相識。

人面依舊，景物全非。

可幸的是他們都活下來了。雖然只是有過一天的交流，但災劫後再會相擁時的激動，感激還能存活下來的心情是就算在攝錄機下都不能假裝出來的。濃濃的人情味讓我看得眼濕濕。人與人的相處原本就應該如此純粹呀，我想。

今早起來，呻著咖啡的同時，看見新聞報導日本女足贏得世界杯，心裡又湧起一種感動。

她們身高速度都不如美國隊，對上25次交戰也未嘗一勝。但這些大概都不重要。她們代表的是一個在過去數月被天災摧殘但風骨氣節無捐的國家。沉著應戰，要相信能拿到最後勝利，她們都是這樣想吧。頑強的意志轉成能力，到最後堅韌的心讓她們獲勝。

讀著讀著又發覺眼眶濕潤了。

日本就是這樣一個可愛令人感動的國家。

just when i thought i've conditioned myself for this foreseeable ending,

2011-07-10T00:32:00.000-07:00

帰る道でなみだをおさえられなくて、でも、これは自分自身ためのなみだじゃない。あなたはこれからどうするんの、幸せになれるか心配でが出て来たなみだです。

----
手放したくなかったよこの恋は本物だった
辿り着いた答えにまだあなたは泣いてるの?

変わり始める事を恐れずに生きてほしい
必ず待つ幸せからその目を逸らさないで

風のように駆け抜けてよ
一人じゃないことを忘れないで
「愛してる」はもう聞こえない
二人だけのlast love song

あなた以上の誰かを愛せても忘れはしない
重なり合う二つの影別れ際のキスも

とめどなく溢れだす思い出は美しすぎて
戸惑わせて引き止めるのそれでも旅立たせて

風のように駆け抜けるよ
一人で生き抜いて強くなるの
あなたにだけ見届けてほしい
二人だけのlast love song

涙の跡消えるころは
二人のこの答えを信じていける
笑ってまた会えますように
胸に刻む last love song

「愛してる」はもう聞こえない
二人だけのlast love song

どんなに続けたくでも自分一人だけ頑張ってはいけないんです

For a change of mood

2011-07-06T06:43:00.000-07:00

About Curry

2011-07-05T08:32:00.000-07:00

I have considered curry as a nice addition, instead of a necessity to my diet since the unstable adolescence period. Curry spices up my otherwise dull food consumption but too much spices hinder my taste buds from making out the true flavor of food. Portion of curry is also important. Ideally, there is just enough of curry to go with the rice - too much curry sauce will inundate the leftover rice, leaving them soggy and unrecognizable.

I've tried different kinds of curry and was pretty sure over what kind of curry would best fit into my diet - the kind that blends in with and even makes better the taste of the other ingredients, and never shall it overshadow the savor of the other components. A difficult requirement, I reckoned. And since I was perfectly content with the other food choices, I have not had curry since the underwhelming choice a few years ago. Then, towards the end of last year, I came across with an amazing type of curry that I thought would be a perfect fit to my brown rice and had become quite addicted. It comes with a unique aroma and yet, unyielding in its signature flavor and at the same time highly sensitive towards the ingredients around. It has come to occupy a large part of my diet though sometimes the spices was too strong and has brought tears to my eyes. It also takes time to discover what goes best with this curry and to this point admittedly, I am still in a state of confusion after some recurring but unsuccessful attempts in incorporating it fully into my diet. My cooking skills isn't great to start with and the uniqueness of the curry was perhaps out of my reach. My frustration mounted even though I honestly thought my stomach was not that hard to please. But my parents probably know better - I have a limited capacity for spicy food in general.

The acquaintance proved short-lived. It was never my intention to part ways with something that I liked and still like so much, especially without exhausting the recipe choices. I did not give up but when a curry turns cold, there is nothing further one can do.

自粛

2011-06-30T07:25:00.000-07:00

Many people in Japan have started their own austerity plan since the 3/11 catastrophic earthquake as a way to express sorrow for the national tragedy. While the intention is admirable, the effort actually hampered the economic recovery of the Tohoku region, a classic example of what people's good will turned detrimental. The backbone of modern economy lies in consumption and any unexpected cutback will for sure delay a speedy recovery and any self-help initiatives. Similarly, the power-saving theme which dominated the social mood the last few months lacks true economic benefit as any dip in power usage during the low-consumption months will not help store up the excess power capacity in preparation for the upcoming high-consumption months. It only reduces TEPCO's revenue, which is much needed for reparations to the affected residents around the nuclear plant. While abstinence in energy has helped us reflect on the way we have been using energy and is good for the environment in general, any senseless cut should be rethink twice. The real test of grit of this nation comes as we finally step into summer. Already we saw a 93.3% electricity usage yesterday under an unyielding 35 degree Celsius. We will see if any 自粛 practices in the last few months help us weather through this summer.

On a related note, I came across to this blog post few days ago and that resonates with this idea though the context is completely different. We like to believe that what we are doing are for the goods of others (為你好) but a lot of times, this is uncalled for and is not what your counterpart wants. What is likely the case is that we just like to self-glorify our sacrifice and claim righteousness for the sake of pride instead of listening to what the other person wants and develop mutual benefit. So next time you do something thinking that it is for the sake of that person, talk to them before proceeding.

Well, this is actually quite a dilemma to someone who truly wants to do something good for the society - are we really helping or just self-helping?

hey Scientist, this one is for you.

2011-06-25T23:06:00.000-07:00

Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard

song that summarized my week

2011-05-21T06:37:00.000-07:00

thank you for the cold shoulders. hate it when emotions and pimples clouded me from thinking straight. it ended in a fit of pique.

If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I'd be a better man

I'd listen to her
'Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
'Cause he's taking you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed

It's a little too late for you to come back
Say it's just a mistake
Think I'd forgive you like that
If you thought I would wait for you
You thought wrong

But you're just a boy
You don't understand
And you don't understand, oh
How it feels to love a girl
Someday you wish you were a better man

You don't listen to her
You don't care how it hurts
Until you lose the one you wanted
'Cause you're taking her for granted
And everything you had got destroyed
But you're just a boy

Tokyo

2011-05-13T16:42:00.000-07:00

it is my fault. I deserve whatever I am going through now.

In the light of the sun, is there anyone? Oh it has begun...
Oh dear you look so lost, eyes are red and tears are shed,
This world you must've crossed... she said...

You don't know me, you don't even care, oh yeah,
She said
You don't know me, and you don't wear my chains... oh yeah,

Essential yet appealed, carry all your thoughts across
An open field,
When flowers gaze at you... they're not the only ones who cry
When they see you
She said...

You don't know me, you don't even care, oh yeah,
She said
You don't know me, and you don't wear my chains... oh yeah,

She said I think I'll go to Boston...
I think I'll start a new life,
I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name,
I'll get out of California, I'm tired of the weather,
I think I'll get a lover and fly him out to Spain...
Oh yeah and I think I'll go to Boston,
I think that I'm just tired
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind...
I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset,
I hear it's nice in the Summer, some snow would be nice... oh yeah,

You don't know me, you don't even care, oh yeah...

Boston... where no one knows my name... yeah
Where no one knows my name...
Where no one knows my name...
Boston...
No one knows my name.

Enough 2b in-love?

2011-04-26T02:45:00.000-07:00

picture taken during the hike to big 'C'

*Sorry, the below is one of those tortuous self-analysis*

Today marks the end of my extended stay in California. Having been through all the departures in the past, whether it was my very own or that of friends and acquiesces, it had never occur to me that saying goodbye would be this hard but this is just one of the many things that I did not know about myself prior to this trip. Yesterday, I sobbed, halted, and sobbed again first in Kentaro's residence and then on my drive back. As I am writing this, my eyes still moistened occasionally. And that was just one of the numerous times I cried in the last 5 weeks, which in sum has exceeded the amount of tears I had shed in the last 3 years. I never knew myself as a crying baby as to me, an outward display of tears put myself in a vulnerable situation and attracted unnecessary attention. Plus, a cosine curve of emotional intensities is just counter-productive, I decided in the past. Then I realize that one simply cannot be impassive nor objective when another person is involved with your life, especially when s/he is equally if not more sensitive as you are.

If the melancholy surrounds around my leave has done anything good, it must be that it shatters our arrogant self-rightness and have pulled us closer once again. There has been ups and downs in the course of the last few weeks. Flattered with the positive and receptive responses, perhaps I have arrived with an ungrounded optimism and thought that building a relationship with be a bliss. And so it went initially until we all have to resume to our normal duties and responsibilities at some point. I used to and still question whether my individuality would be compromised in the sense that I cannot be the best of me when there is a "plus one", never does it occur to me that the other person can be a complement to my life as I to his. But this very concern was based upon my perception of my role as the "giver" of the relationship and that is such a conceited thought of me! The truth is that Kentaro is also doing his part for me, and my contribution hinges on the response that I expect to receive. I therefore feel that I am wronged when I feel like anything I get is less than what I expected. I have merely enlarged my very own "sacrifice" and extracted satisfaction in this twisted self-glorification.

I remember in one of the essay responses I received from Professor Wallace, he wrote, " I can just see you zipping through, enjoying the ideas but not too interested in slowing down to do the nitty-gritty work 100% of the time. ". It comes back to me every now and Prof's acute observation on my character deficiencies always amazes me. I always seem to have trouble with details and a sense of complacency prevents me from striking for perfection. This has put an contrast with Kentaro's particularity and is sometimes a source of frustration. Differences, however, are opportunities for us to appreciate ad learn. I remain hopeful regardless of the adversaries going against us. I think I am already becoming a better, a more gentle, and patient person as my life no longer only resolve around me now. This will be a long learning process but we can develop more consensus and become more capable of thinking from the other person's perspective as long as we go on this path hand-in-hand.

A bubble or not?

2011-03-29T00:35:00.000-07:00

In economics, expectation laid upon on irrational optimism leads to the formation of bubbles. Market participants chant "this time is different" when the economy takes off with a promising outlook and all news are interpreted positively despite foreboding signs of a downturn. Outrageously high evaluations of businesses/ideas are justified on grounds of unrealistic estimation of revenues. We all believe that we are smarter than our precedents and can avoid the next crash. However, what perplexes me is that most investors are actually skeptical. When they are presented with new ideas and business models, they tend to be suspicious and are rightly so. There is no expert opinion nor past experiences that can be relied on so people proceed cautiously. However, chances are that even though the new venture might be the next Google, most people would ridicule this new business, denying any possibility of its success until everyone else harps on. Only the few who are capable of independent analysis and are willing to nurture the new venture with the necessary resources would end up with the big prize.

在経済産業省的兩個月

2011-03-24T11:50:00.000-07:00

，

経済産業省的外觀

上星期天在明報刊登的「安裕周記﹕通產省的破沙發」好像給自己在経済産業省的兩個月加上新的注譯，大有茅塞頓開的感覺之餘，很慚愧沒有寫一篇像樣的短文去反思自己在日本這半年來理應是很難得但自覺平平無奇的工作經驗，現在補上為將來作留底之用。

在経済産業省的研究所兼職了兩個月，談下上有甚麼貢獻更不能說對日本的官僚文化與制度產生深刻的認識，但從微小處可見大義，略談以下幾點： 

1． Relationship matters．我這個不喑日文沒有人脈的外國留學生，如果沒有産業省內的人推薦根本沒有可能在這機構工作。十分幸運的是上個學期拿的兩課是由一位曾經在産業省內擔任甚高職位的教授主講，而我因為比較率性無禮在課內說話很多而被認識。其後在自己屢尋實習機會不果後，我便決定嘗試聯絡這位教授幫忙，不料在一星期內他便替我在産業省內搭好橋，為我找了一份替某位由中國來的學者當助理的兼職。

相較在美國找工作找實習競爭的激烈，這個實習機會可謂來得有點太容易。日本人注重的大概不是亮麗的履歷表或公式的面試過程，而是人與人之間的信任。「做生不如做熟」，産業省內的員工因為教授的經驗而相信他的推薦，而教授亦因為我在班中的表現而相信我的工作能力，所以我才會這麼容易獲得這個機會。這種互信關係減少了工作間可能出現的磨擦，亦是日本人團隊精神的另一種展現。壞處當然是有的﹣過份信任除了令制度失去自我改善的積極性外亦令制度變得不透明，使外人無所適從。

2．Everyone matters．日本人的團隊精神人所共知，我覺得這團隊精神的前題是每個個體都感到被重視和意識到自身對整個組織的重要性。每天的午休前産業省的廣播都會忠告職員離開座位時將電氣盡量關掉，減少對地球暖化的影響。我想，這不僅是這個國家對世界的承擔，這個政府部門對國家承諾的承擔，也是每個産業省職員對自身行動及對週遭環境影響的自覺。如果沒有感到被視為團體內重要的一份子，他們不會將這廣播當一回事，不會將垃圾好好分類，不會不在車箱內用手提電話通話這些外國人看來高度自律的秩序。當然，這種自覺亦可以被譯成一種巨大的無形壓力，稍稍離軌便為社會所不容，致日本成為其中一個自殺率最高的國家。

3．Gender matters. 放眼研究所內，絕大部女性職員擔當的都是屬支援類別的工作，只有少數女性擔任研究員的職位。辦公室內只有女職員會將垃圾籃內的垃圾移至中央垃圾箱，「外遣」員工（即非正式社員）也是以女性居多。雖然至今不少日本女性都安份於男性主導的社會文化，但據我校經濟部門的伊藤教授的某專欄說，現在有很多(而且有增加趨勢)日本年輕男性屬「草食係」，即沒有競爭上進心，對工作戀愛都不感興趣，不願出國去闖，反之日本的年輕女性對外間的世界更好奇更想到外國進修或工作。這不會是短期內可達致的改變，但對日本老化和減少中的人口，更外的工作女性將可舒緩沒有足夠工人的壓力，長遠來說是一件好事。

如安裕所說，経済産業省是一所其貌不揚火柴盒般的建築物，在這裡的兩個月我得到的不是一些硬知識，而是一些不能隨手拈來需要反覆思量從經驗去提煉的軟知識。

The Quake: My Day

2011-03-13T06:30:00.000-07:00

I have experienced couple earthquakes since moving to Japan so when this one hit on Friday, I thought it would just be like the other ones which usually fade in a minute. However, the initial shock was different from the usual swing. It started with like a groan from the ground then followed by a slight up-and-down shake, and the shock intensified afterward. At my last day of work in RIETI, I was sitting in front of the computer in a 11 floors high government building and my office was at the highest floor. My hands gripped the keyboard tight as I sat uneasily and the shock persisted. My coworkers all stood up and they looked at each other with a surprised look. The binds in the office room made loud noises and the cabinet was banging the wall. After 30 seconds or so, I felt dizzy but I went ahead to email my parents and Kentaro about the quake and that I was fine, noting the unusual strength of the quake. I guess I was trying to find solace thousands of miles away in the midst of horror which was exaggerated for my being in an unfamiliar environment. Luckily, Kentaro was next to his computer and was able to send his comforting words over almost instantaneously, which somewhat unease my nervousness.

Floor of my office building

The first wave eventually quieted down but just when I thought it was over, the second wave hit. We all stood up, holding onto the table and I ran through scenarios in my head trying to decide whether it would be safer to be on the 11th floor or the ground floor if the building started to collapse. We were all checking the web feverishly about any possible updates of the earthquakes as subsequent aftershocks made their presence felt. The news started to float on the web and I came to the realization that this one was indeed massive, but at that point, I still thought the damage would be minimal. After all, this is Japan, if anywhere, a nation that is best prepared for earthquakes, both technically and mentally.


people stormed inside 7-11 and all food items were gone

Things, however, made a quick turn for the worse in matter of hours. Reports of deaths started to come in and all trains were called for a halt. I left the office just before 6pm knowing that train service was unlikely to be resumed anytime soon. I looked up the route on google and took notes of the landmarks and names of the streets that I should set out for my journey. The streets were flooded with people, a rare sight that reminded me of Hong Kong but the temperature was still at single digit and I secretly regretted wearing only a thin jacket. Despite a long journey walk alone, I tried to cheer myself up by telling myself that this was quite an experience and that I was walking with all the commuters, so I was not alone. But I could not help feel sorry for myself that no one had called to check on my safety, not knowing that phone service was also disrupted. I went on walking, and stopped in a 7-11 trying to get an origini or something. To my surprise, the food racks were almost bare and I ended up getting a hot yuzu juice to warm myself before moving further. Then I realized almost all convenience stores along the way were stormed with people and all fresh food, bentos, origini alike were gone. Fast food chains and other food places that provide quick services also saw lines of people waiting, and I waited for 20 minutes to eat at a small Ramen shop across from the Tokyo University campus after walking for 1.5 hours in the cold.

It took me another two hours to get home, in an almost uneventful fashion. I moved forward quietly with the rest of a orderly crowd, and there was no sense of panic in the air. Not even cops were needed for crowd management. The traffic barely moved but again, no horns or any signs of agitation, sirens of ambulances and fire trucks went off every 15 minutes or so and cars always made way for them to go through.

I got home, and felt blessed that power, water and gas is still running. I turned on my laptop and saw all the emails, and messages on Facebook that friends, some of whom I have not talked to for ages, left me. I was very touched. And I guess that is the only good thing about a crisis like this. It bridged gaps of time, geography and draw you closer to people who care about you just when you thought you are alone. I cannot be more grateful for everything.

乍暖還寒

2011-03-09T06:41:00.000-08:00

乍暖還寒的晚冬。

最近數星期每每讀到有關北非和中東的人民革命時，胸口都感到一陣暖流。在一個月之內亞拉伯地區星火燎原，對公義等普世價值一呼百應，他們讓我相信每個生命都有活得有自由、尊嚴的覺悟。一方面為因他們勇氣而帶來的改變而感到振奮，另一方面卻對報章評論都說類似的民主運動在中國大陸不成氣候而感到無奈。中國人原本是一個擁有高尚情操深厚而優秀文化傳統的民族，但從不知何時開始，中國人的價值鍊被徹底扭曲, 變成一個造假上至學術研究成果下至藥和食品，連小學生也玩弄權術賄賂班選舉，致世人甚至中國人自身也羞與為伍的經濟動物。小說＜盛世＞裡寫到，只要給中國人一條縫，他便能撐出一片天，但眼下的政制專權卻不斷收窄堤口，人性在製度的壓迫下愈見敗壞。歷史的種種偶然使一百年前的辛亥革命只能完成其一半使命，反之從未經歷過任何內部革命的日本在外部條件下卻成功轉型成君主立憲制的民主模式，歷史輪迴實在叫人無可奈何。

相比起突尼斯亞和埃及的和平革命，利比亞的血腥震壓造成的人命傷亡令人認清現實的殘酷。利比亞的獨裁者說，就如中國的六四震壓一樣，會不惜將槍頭調向人民來維護國家穩定。聽後，心冷了一大截。當前中國的政治生態比起六四時沒多大改變，但一次又次對維權人仕的打壓卻顯示出政府的肆無忌憚。即使真的有大規模示威，領導人們大概亦會毫不猶疑的如六四般暴力清場。

「可以不為自由而戰，但不能為高牆添磚。」

韓寒這樣說。

的而且確，我沒有為自由而義無反顧的勇氣，只能消極的沉溺在自己覺得安心的世界而盡量做到不為高牆添磚。

過山車

2011-02-20T23:51:00.000-08:00

荒廢了這裡近兩個月，現在要應爸爸的要求用中文寫自己的生活，竟有點執筆忘字的吃力感。除了疏於中文寫作的練習，基本上除了每星期和家人的電話對話外，日常生活因絕大部分以英語和少量日語勉強過得下去而沒有機會說母語。倒是和友人說起英語時會突然有加插日文俚語的衝動，中文機能卻是不掙的在退化。

在日本的第一個學期剛完了一個星期，在這裡作一個小總結。

學業上，開學的首個半月完全沒有壓力可言，還以為日本的教育制度不過是一片蛋糕可以無驚無險4點零的時候，其中兩班的考試與project的難度和要求卻嚇了我一跳。這個覺悟除了讓我的額頭長滿暗瘡外，還令一向懶叻唔衰得的我發現自己的嚴重不足。過於習慣美國班房的自由不放任和對日本學校制度的不熟悉令我有想用功也無從入手的無力感，此外壓力還來自某些很超班的同學(在 journal published 了好幾篇論文）和某很不濟的組員（貢獻＝零），所以過去兩個月基本上是推掉了所有交際活動而變得很自閉。成績雖然還未發但相比起在美國時的自信，擔心的是A和A﹣的分別，現在等待的心情是不安，擔心的是不合格的可能性。雖然抱怨的事與人可以一直數下去，但讀書終究是自己的事，自己心態的改變亦讓我比起以前對成績沒那麼著緊。在NY時便發現自己追求的根本不是「高薪高職高級品搏尊敬」，生活裡只要有思維的空間和刺激我就覺得很滿足。當然我還是希望能夠進入理想的PhD課程，但如果這兩年證實了自己不是學術研究的材料，我想我還是可以在美國過輕鬆快樂的生活。

情感上，過上兩個月也是有如過山車般大起大落。這裡先不談太多因為未來一個半月可能是另一個轉捩點，我不是樂觀的人，不懂得怎樣在別人相處時適當的保持自我，不懂得怎樣表達自己真實的情感，經常自相矛盾而很容易讓人覺得無所適從。我希望的是在加深認識另一個人的同時可以更了解自己，現在的我雖然還是感到很不踏實但我是快樂的。

這一年來我覺得自己真是幸運得有點不知所謂的人，可以在還沒有嘗苦頭的情況下走自己想走的路。未來，我仍舊看不清楚但我相信，我的每一個下一步也是向前邁進了。

Global Justice:The Ultimate Goal of Globalization

2011-02-03T15:01:00.000-08:00

My Submission to the St Gallen Student Competition:

http://www.stgallen-symposium.org/Leaders-of-Tomorrow/Student-Competition.aspx

-------

Global Justice: The Ultimate Goal of Globalization

Introduction

The financial crisis has exerted a profound impact on the existing power balance. A relative decline in American power has weakened its world leadership as the economic center of gravity continues to shift from the West to the East. While a convergence in wealth gap can be seen as a welcoming sign as more people are lifted out from poverty, the rapidity of the rise of emerging economies and the redistribution of power associated with the transfer of wealth has naturally provoked some uneasiness in the West. In light of this change, it is important for us to note that the background of the discussion has changed substantially from the Cold War era to the new globalized world. We shall therefore shy away from the traditional model of “balance of power” in examining international relations. Instead, we ask whether a set of new guiding principles that transcend national boundaries shall be embraced when considering the redistribution of power in the global scene.

This essay contends that in the interconnected global society, it is a moral responsibility to accept global justice as a premise of discussions over inequalities among different nation states. The argument rests on the notion that globalization has bonded people of different states together and that the well being of a nation is now deeply dependent on the other states. Along the same line of reasoning, we examine where domestic injustice intersects with global justice and extends that as world citizens, not only should we be concerned over the large gap in living standards between the third and the rich world, we should also work towards a more egalitarian global society for both moral and practical reasons. Secondly, a general outline of what global justice should encompass of in the emerging global society will also be discussed in this paper. The attempt was deliberately general, aimed to provide a broad framework instead of specific policy recommendations. Lastly, the paper asserts that global justice relies on a just and sustainable institutional architecture and several features of what I believe to constitute to such a system are discussed.

Injustice at home - A case study of Hong Kong

Born and raised in Hong Kong, I shall use Hong Kong’s development as an example to illustrate the intertwined relationship between the distribution of economic and political power and how, a system without fair representation tends to exploit the bottom of the social classes.

“In matters of truth and justice, there is no difference between large and small problems, for issues concerning the treatment of people are all the same.” – Albert Einstein

13 years have passed since the return to China, Hong Kong has found itself at a crossroad once again. Politically, the city is mandated to establish itself as an integrated and integral part of the authoritarian China without compromising on the progression towards full democracy. Socially, Hong Kong's wealth gap has increased markedly since the end of the colonial era. Its Gini Coefficient, a measure of inequality, is now the highest among the 27 advanced economies in the world[1]. The notorious cage living is an example of the deprivation that exists in one of the most modern cities in the world. About 100,000 poverty-stricken residents live one by one in a cage made of wooden planks and wire mesh of an area only large enough for a mattress and a few possessions. This growing social divide is mirrored by an equally uneven distribution of political rights and is inextricably linked to the struggle over universal suffrage. Only half of the 60 seats in the legislative council are elected through a system of universal suffrage, while the other half remains to be elected through ‘functional constituencies’, a small elitist circle compromising of special interest groups. The struggle over universal suffrage is not only a political struggle; it is a struggle over fairness in sharing the fruits of economic achievement.

Necessity to Accept Global Justice as a Premise

Moving the lens away from Hong Kong, the world we live in now is also characterized by glaring and excessive inequalities. One of every six person in our world is destitute. These one billion people live on less than a dollar a day and cannot secure basic needs such as food, clean water and shelter. Another 1.5 billion people live with less than 2 dollars a day with minimal health care and education[2]. Nevertheless, the problem of global injustice manifests itself outside of economic indicators. About 60% of the poorest countries experienced civil conflict of varying intensity and duration in the period 1990–2001[3]. Basic human rights are trampled and denied to billions of people. They live under oppressive regimes, are subject to arbitrary imprisonment and tortures, being raped and forced into prostitution with basic security threatened and dignity stripped away. They are deprived access to education and other means that can help them to live an autonomous and dignified life.

As John Rawls states in the Theory of Justice,

“The natural distribution is neither just nor unjust; nor is it unjust that persons are born into society at some particular position. These are simply natural facts. What is just and unjust is the way that institutions deal with these facts.”

It is a fact that there exist innate differences between nations but what is unjust is how the system exploits such difference and marginalizes our world. The growing social contradiction in Hong Kong has illustrated that systematic inequality stems directly from an unjust institutional arrangement, which is tilted to protect the existing powers. Channels of upward mobility are capped for the impoverished states. They simply have no chance.

With unemployment hitting record highs and state finance at fiscal brink after the crisis hit, many in the rich world now see globalization as a threat to their living standard. Together with the dissatisfaction of the economy, exaggerated income inequalities and poor governance may spark social unrest and protectionism may be renewed in the midst of such depressing social mood. The effect will be devastating to the global poor if we shut down our borders. If domestic injustice, which has been amplified by the financial crisis, is not properly handled, injustice will be exported to outside of borders as the third world is cut off from accesses to resources. The connection between domestic and global justice, however, is not a one-way process. If we have a more egalitarian global world, it will in return empower the bottom social classes at home to fight for their fair share of resources. Global justice is therefore more than a moral assertion as it exerts real practical implications to domestic governances.

The Skeptics

Some argue that global justice is not possible because justice only concerns citizens living in the same state. Other states that a commitment to global society requires roots of common cultures and global justice is therefore impractical[4]. These views should be contested in the new globalized world.

Implications of Globalization

“In this interconnected age, our security and prosperity depend on the ability to bring others to the table to solve problems in their own countries and regions. We are stronger when we work together.” - Hilary Clinton

Globalization has transformed the economic landscape by significantly reducing production cost, opening potential markets, and by increasing flows of capitals and goods. It has assisted to lift millions out from poverty and open previously unimaginable possibilities to many. Multinational companies, with their supply chain now covers different states, are held responsible for the labor conditions of their suppliers. The firm’s social commitment is stretched beyond its region of domiciliary region. Apple, for example, has a Supplier Code of Conduct that asks its suppliers around the globe to fulfill a set of mandated labor standard and demands correction actions should violations are discovered.

Politically, new forms of global governance have emerged to regulate issues that concern all states and they operate outside the framework of state sovereignty. The UN has subsidiaries that touch upon various areas of global concerns. Its function is not limited to provide a platform for dialogues exchanges but also to mobilize common efforts to enforce and protect rights of member states. Similarly, institutions such as the World Bank and IMF, whose work has delivered significant impact to the livelihood of many across the globe, have the important responsibility to ensure the stability in the global financial system. Regional organizations such as the European Union, ASEAN have also played an increasingly important role in facilitating regional cooperation. These organizations link regions and interests together, creating a new and broader definition of cultural and regional identity that has blurred traditional national boundaries. The development of these new, outside-of-border institutions has important and extensive implications to human welfare.

What should Global Justice entail?

The pursuit of Global Justice needs to be coupled with realistic planning and a sensitive understanding of the deeper definition of justice. Here, I shall identify two areas that we need to address in the new era of globalization.

Basic Necessity

Access to basic necessities of a dignified life - such as clean water, food, shelter, education and healthcare should be ensured. It is morally unacceptable that we turn a blind eye to the socioeconomic deprivations of the third world when these are the basic rights that the rich world has taken for granted. As the world becomes more integrated, engagement should be extended to those who have been hitherto left behind.

Human Rights

Humans rights as basic security of human dignity should be protected in all societies. Everyone in the world should be protected against threats from tortures, arbitrary imprisonment, forced prostitution or marriage and compulsory labor. Many in our world still live in fear despite having done nothing to deserve such miseries.

Institutional architecture designed for all

“Justice and power must be brought together, so that whatever is just may be powerful, and whatever is powerful may be just.” - Blaise Pascal

In light of the changing political landscape, it is important to ask whether the current global institutional architecture is dynamic and fair enough to accommodate the increasing number of international players. The below outlines three main elements that I believe are crucial to ensure power is distributed in a fair, productive and sustainable way.

Unaccountable, Unchecked and Underrepresented Power is Unacceptable

The basic principle of Justice is that power holders are responsible for the people its power extends to[5]. In the new world order with more influential actors involved, we need to make sure actions of these actors are held accountable as impact of policies made by these global players are now far-reaching.

Every individual and every state matters. The only way we can ensure that no one is left behind is when powerful states or institutions set agenda on issues of global concerns, smaller states can have their opinions taken accounted to. In view of that, regionalization of states is likely to continue and should be encouraged.

Transparency and Independence

As global institutions become more relevant and powerful in the world, policy-making within these institutions needs to be more transparent. The independence of these institutions should also be cherished to make sure the delivery of service is efficient. Affiliations to any specific country of the global institutions would surely arouse suspicions and undermines the effectiveness of the organization.

Built-in Incentives and disincentives

With a relative decline in American power, it has become more important to have strong incentives for cooperation and disincentives for detachment cemented in the instructional architecture to ensure that power is distributed in a sustainable manner. The new world order requires participations of all states to ensure the effectiveness of the solutions to shared problems such as environment and human rights.

A Call to Globalize Justice

The paper has stated the moral and practical grounds for the legitimacy of global justice. While the project of Global Justice is grand in scope and nature, it is in my belief that justice can be exported and imported just like other tangible products. If the poor in Hong Kong can be better protected, the influence will be felt across borders in Mainland China and to the other parts of the world. Unfortunately, it is also true that injustice will spread as the bottom class continues to be exploited domestically. In the relentless march towards global integration, we should recognize the responsibilities that come with the power and wealth we have accumulated in addressing the socioeconomic deprivations that exist within and outside of the states we live in. So let’s start from home, and globalize justice.

[1] Einhorn, Bruce. Countries with the Biggest Gaps Between Rich and Poor. Retrieved December 10^th, 2010 from http://finance.yahoo.com/banking-budgeting/article/107980/countries-with-the-biggest-gaps-between-rich-and-poor

[2] Cohen, J. (2007) . Global Justice. Retrieved from http://globaljustice.stanford.edu/publications/global_justice/

[3] World's 50 Poorest Countries. Infoplease. Retrieved December 10^th 2010, from http://www.infoplease.com/ipa/A0908763.html

[4] Maffettone, S. (2007). Universal Duty and Global Justice. Retrieved from

http://globaljustice.stanford.edu/publications/21497/

[5] Cohen, J. (2007) . Global Justice. Retrieved from http://globaljustice.stanford.edu/publications/global_justice/

ぴったり合う

2010-12-24T04:33:00.000-08:00

わたしの気持ちに

was going to highlight some of the lines that especially captured my emotions - just to realize the whole song has written it all.

the style, the melody and just about everything about this song is awesome too.

生きてゆく力が　その手にあるうちは
笑わせてて　いつも　いつも
うたっていて　欲しいよ

きっとこの恋は　口に出すこともなく
伝わることもなく　叶うこともなくて
終わることもないでしょう
ただ小さい小さい光になって
あたしのこの胸の温度は下がらないでしょう

欲を言えばキリがないので
望みは言わないけれど
きっと今のあたしには　あなた以上はいないでしょう

※生きてゆく力が　その手にあるうちは
笑わせてて　いつも　いつも
側にいて　欲しいよ※

きっとあなたには　急に恋しくなったり
焼きもちを焼いたり　愛をたくさんくれて
愛をあげたい人がいるから
ただ小さい小さい光のような
私の恋心には気づかないでしょう

でもそんなあなただからこそ
輝いて見えるのだから
きっと今のあたしには　あなた以上はいないでしょう

教えてください神様
あの人は何を見てる?
何を考え　誰を愛し
誰のために傷付くの?

As long as you hold the strength to live in your hands
Be there always, always to make me smile
I want you to keep on singing
I’m sure that I’ll never speak about this love of mine
It will never be confessed or ever come true
I know it will never end either
It’ll just become a tiny, tiny ray of light
The temperature of my heart will never cool down
There’s no end to what I want
So I won’t say what I wish for
But for me now, there’s no one else but you
*As long as you hold the strength to live in your hands
Be there always, always to make me smile
I want you to stay with me
I’m sure that you have someone who you suddenly need to see
Who you get jealous over and who gives you all her love
Someone who you want to give your love to
So you’ll probably never even notice
My love for you which is just a tiny, tiny ray of light
But that’s the very reason
Why you shine in my eyes
So for me now, there can’t be anyone else but you
Please god, tell me
What does he see?
What does he think? Who does he love?
For whom does he wound his heart?
(Repeat*)
La la la…..

漸入佳境

2010-12-16T19:53:00.000-08:00

凌晨12時。一天裡我最清醒的時分。

稍稍清理腦袋內尚未化作記憶的知識，騰空了位置去反思這兩個半月的生活。人家說初到異地的興奮會抵埗月後磨蝕，外來者在這段時期開始對生活上的諸多不便感到煩厭，寂寞與無助感亦逐漸滋生。這是所謂的「談判期」，初來報到的要與陌生環境妥協，過份堅持自己的步伐與習慣只會讓矛盾更加尖銳。過了談判期便來到真正的調整適應期，生活開始「正常化」，顧慮的東西由短期的，生活上必須考慮的事情升格至較長期，更深層的期望例如對將來的展望。

我不知道我是否跳過了談判期還是我的蜜月期廷長了，我發覺自己愈來愈喜歡亦滿足於現在的生活模式。每天有需要處理的事但可以按自己的時間表作息，在學校裡可作有思想衝擊的交流，見識增長了意見亦被聆聽尊重。住的部屋雖不大但清潔舒適。日文程度還不夠生活需要，但急不來而且也不是不懂日文就生活不了。獎學金定時傳入户口，有節制的使用的話金錢上亦暫時沒有擔心的必要。人際網絡比剛來的時候擴展了不少，當然要找到如在大學時期般交心的朋友不容易，但投契的，談得兩嘴的還是有的。在學的我不像以前上班時般自我封閉，那種職場上特有的交流﹣在酒吧上摸著酒杯底漫不經心的胡吹亂謅對我而言實在十分吃力，害得當時的我還懷疑自己的社交能力真的出了問題，現在想來大概只是不對嘴型吧。對我來說，生活上所有重要的元素現在的生活都滿足了，進步的空間當然有，但當然不可同時苛求奢華的物質生活和豐盛的精神狀態。現在的幸福感應該同時功勞於日本社會文化予我的認同和脫離工作的枯燥呆板後被刺激活化的腦筋。

god knows what will happen in 2 years，但這一刻，我只是想好好享受這裡清新的空氣。

気持ちを伝えられなくてつらいです

2010-12-08T07:18:00.000-08:00

K2,

I've been staring at the same paragraph for the last hour but nothing comes through my brain. The next thing I knew I was checking sidestep.com for a plane ticket to San Francisco. You came and left like a tornado, shattering my usual cool. After you took off, it has occurred to me that your mere presence resembles some kind of powerful shockwaves that always leaves me unsettled for days, but I must say that my uneasiness also stems from the realization that such meetings would not happen again soon and not without difficulty. How I wish I was able to spell out everything that was on my mind for you. Even as I am writing this, I struggle with my word choice so the passage does not appear overly explicit, nor is it so vague that you won't know I am talking about you. You made an effort to meet me. Two times in three days. I certainly hope it is not my wishful thinking that you might feel the same way about me as I am to you. I like to think that we are both playing pretend, given the huge external difficulties we would have to overcome otherwise if the mutual feelings are acknowledged. Yes, I am some years younger and we may be couple hours apart. What puzzles me, however, is that people tend to magnify on differences and dismiss the chemistry as mere sparks, which leaves as easily as they come. Risk-averse. I must confess that I am one of those skeptical people but the emotions within me has ballooned into something so disruptive that I have to confide it to you. That's why I am here.

O.

Related Music:

My 2 yen: the road ahead for Japan

2010-12-06T23:15:00.000-08:00

This is actually my submission to the Economist essay competition:

Please select and discuss one of the following statements.

1. Because living standards are so high, Japan's economy no longer needs to grow

Walking on the streets in downtown Ginza, one can hardly find traits of an economy that has suffered from two decades of economic stagnation.Long lines await outside exquisite sushi restaurants and high-end department stores attract big crowds like always. Yet, talking to college graduates who are about to enter the workforce paints a different picture of the Japanese economy. Graduates’ employment rate hits record-low this year with only 57% have secured employment. More unsettling is perhaps the popularity of terms such as “NEET” (Not in Education, Employment or Training) and “Freeter” (Young people who take low skilled and low paid jobs), which has not only suggested the bleak employment scene but other related social issues.

The argument that Japan’s economy needs not to grow anymore due to the high living standard it has attained should be contested in different ways. In Japan’s high growth era, the fruits of astonishing economic development was shared by the population with an extraordinary degree of equality. In contrast, the last two decades of almost zero growth has left the Japanese society diverging into two polars with a growing portion of low-income population and a group of highly skilled or specialized workers flying above the rest. Growth has always been the magic word in the Japanese model to bring about a general, across-the-broad raise in living standard. However, the growth-oriented strategy is handicapped by the decling workforce in today's Japan. With the population expected to shrink to just 100 millions by 2050, unless Japan’s productivity rises faster than its workforce declines, the Japanese economy is bound to shrink. Japan’s young will suffer the most in this trend with diminishing economic opportunities and a huge burden to support the pensions of the retired. The question then becomes, how can Japan maintain and potentially lift the average living standard that is already decaying with a smaller economy? I would argue that as an extremely developed country, there is no reason for Japan to chase after organic growth if it has come to see the limit of its resources. Rather than trying to boost the overall GDP, GDP per capita at purchasing power parity should be emphasized to maintain and improve the living standard of the future generations.

The seemingly high living standard in Japan, as measured by average income, is marred by the high cost of living. With the agriculture industry closely guarded by the politically powerful interest groups, consumers are forced to pay a high premium for the local grown products while being limited to a meagre selection. Japanese policy making has traditionally focused on the benefits of producers rather than that of the consumers. What is good for Toyota, the old saying goes, is good for Japan. Average disposable income of Japanese citizens, a more direct indicator of how wealthy consumers perceive themselves, was only ⅔ of that of United States in 2005[1]. Moreover, the still relatively high nominal income is a result of substantial economic development in the 60s and 70s but income has not risen in real terms the last two decades.

To increase the GDP per capita at purchasing power parity and thereby raise the living standard, the government can work on lowering the cost of living and thereby makes its citizens feel wealthier, or to increase the nominal income following the long-term growth trajectory. Japanese government has hitherto adopted the latter. Numerous fiscal stimulus packages have been rolled out to fill in the gap left by the retreat of private investment. Yet, the result was far from promising. Public debt soared to an alarming level and sent the public mood to south. Fiscal expansion readily funded by savings of the older generations is unsustainable, and the economy needs investment from the private sector to engine growth. Investment from the private sector, however, is endogenous to growth. The Japanese population alone is no longer big enough to support perpetual growth, and local businesses including the agricultural sector should reorient themselves and look outside of the borders for growth opportunities, particularly in the emerging Asian markets. What Japan also needs is innovations. Most Japanese innovations till now have been developed in large electronic and manufacturing corporations, which is one reason why Japan has been lagging its western counterparts in the software, Internet and other value-added service industry. To facilitate a higher GDP per capita, Japan needs entrepreneurs and start-up companies to open unexplored market.

The irony of Japanese economy is that its strong social and industrial foundation has been working to its disadvantage in an era of globalization. Globalization is a two-blade sword and Japanese economy has been hurt from it so far. Large corporations face intensified competitions and are struggling to keep their cost low, resulting in sluggish income growth and lackluster hiring activities domestically. On the other hand, the semi-closed nature of Japanese market makes it difficult to bring in cheaper and potentially better alternatives from overseas. As a result, both producers and consumers are hurt in the tide of globalization. Some argue that Japan's markets are fairly open. Aside from agricultural goods, the tariff rates are about the same as those of other industrial countries and there are only few import quotas established. But this is only on paper. It is no secret that foreign companies find it extremely hard to penetrate into the Japanese market. Statistics also shows that Japan spends less than half as much as of its income on imports of manufactured goods as any advanced nation[2]. Caught in the middle of globalization and a declining workforce, Japan should further deepen its trade dependence on both exports and imports to utilize its human resources more efficiently.

Japan’s economic strength will recede, but that does not translate to a decline in living standard. Small countries like Luxembourg and Switzerland manage to prosper by achieving a high GDP per capita. Japan will have to go through some soul searching to adopt to this unfamiliar position in the world but it simply cannot afford another rudderless decade.

另一個我

2010-11-27T08:04:00.000-08:00


日式邊爐：邊爐後，加飯和蛋，拌勻至糊狀務求把飯將湯的精華都吸收。but in the end, 邊爐還是邊爐

適應環境是不是就是將自己改造，去迎合因環境改變而對自身期望及認知改變的過程？我意識到在日本的我不是在美國的我，也不是在香港的我。變化之大有時自己也令自己驚訝。如果不同的環境，情況都會帶出一個不同的「我」，哪，甚麼時候的我才是「真」的我？是不是其實所謂的「自我」不過是一個相對性的設定（relative setting)而沒有絕對的定義(absolute definition)？

說得懶學術，但其實意思很簡單。在日本，人人都以為我說的英文很地道，而因為我知道別人這種預期設想，所以說起英語時好像比在美國時更自信，能暢所欲言談笑風生。從另一個角度看，這是一個他們給我的英語認受證，有了它，就算有詞不達意的時候，我也可肆無忌憚地認可自己的語句。換轉是在美國，當然沒有這樣容易蒙混過關。的而且確因為日子有功我說的英語已經很生活化，但潛意識裡因為認定自己的母語不是英語，當別人稍為不明白的時候，便會立即以為是自己的問題而失去信心，所以一開始說起上來便要更小心翼翼未能說得痛快。

當然，這個英語的例子可引伸至生活裡其他的習慣。以前在美國人為主的聚會我都話很少，但昨夜出席日本人為多數的火窩聚會我竟然沒有感到一絲格格不入的不安，友人都很體諒我的爛日語而盡量遷就說英語, 很奇怪地到中段話說得最多，情緒最高漲的那個竟然是我。這個「我」當然不是那個在美國人聚會不自然的「我」，但亦不完全是自然流露沒有計算的「我」。那是因為我知道日本友人會對我很寬容而稍為放肆的我。美國人一般來說都比日本人來得開放，但在美國我明白自己不是一個完全的美國人，因而找不到自己的定位所以沒法好好自處，在日本我卻能利用日本人對美國人的觀感去令自己覺得輕鬆。

說到底，我還是說不出甚麼時候才是真實的我。但或許，正是這種對自己的不確定性令我能夠快速適應不同環境。

稻香

2010-11-22T18:51:00.001-08:00

I always come back to this song whenever I feel like I've lost sight of what I am doing.

對這個世界如果你有太多的抱怨
跌倒了就不敢繼續往前走
為什麼人要這麼的脆弱墮落
請你打開電視看看
多少人為生命在努力勇敢的走下去
我們是不是該知足
珍惜一切就算沒有擁有

還記得你說家是唯一的城堡隨著稻香河流繼續奔跑
微微笑小時候的夢我知道
不要哭讓螢火蟲帶著你逃跑鄉間的歌謠永遠的依靠
回家吧回到最初的美好

不要這麼容易就想放棄就像我說的
追不到的夢想換個夢不就得了
為自己的人生鮮豔上色先把愛塗上喜歡的顏色
笑一個吧功成名就不是目的
讓自己快樂快樂這才叫做意義
童年的紙飛機現在終于飛回我手裡
所謂的那快樂赤腳在田裡追蜻蜓追到累了
偷摘水果被蜜蜂給叮到怕了誰在偷笑呢
我靠著稻草人吹著風唱著歌睡著了
哦哦午後吉它在蟲鳴中更清脆
哦哦陽光灑在路上就不怕心碎
珍惜一切就算沒有擁有

還記得你說家是唯一的城堡隨著稻香河流繼續奔跑
微微笑小時候的夢我知道
不要哭讓螢火蟲帶著你逃跑鄉間的歌謠永遠的依靠
回家吧回到最初的美好

因為我是美國人

2010-11-18T06:29:00.000-08:00

美國人的身份是我的良心疪護所。

我慶幸自己可以不用感到羞愧地，用美國人的身份去批責這個自稱泱泱大國，卻容不了一個父親替兒子開聲的政權。

因為我是美國人，我不用對中國法庭良知的埋沒而感到痛心，慚愧或羞恥。
因為我是美國人，我不用對中國人民的沉默無聲而感到寂寞。
因為我是美國人，我不用扭曲是非黑白去正當化不公義的事情。
因為我是美國人，我不用對普世價值的定義爭辯不休。
因為我是美國人，我不用從經濟發展和維護人身基本尊嚴裡二選一。

昨夜出席了一個題為「中國抬頭」的講座，席間身為賓夕凡尼亞大學的教授主講談到現時中國就像一只在公路上高速行走的巴士，沒有人知道它的終點在哪，而巴士上的司機只能專注於讓巴士繼續行走，就像電影生死時速裡，巴士的速度稍為放慢就會引爆。他說道在愈來愈多磨擦的中國社會，政治改革是唯一的出路，並引用了前蘇聯於91年崩潰的例子。教育普及化是個很重要的前題，蘇聯的高中畢業率由50年代的30﹪升到70年代的70﹪，當人的教育程度愈高，思考的東西就愈不受規範。這世上沒有一個只會思考火箭技術的火箭專家或只會想宇宙星系的天文學家。此外，收音機的普及令蘇聯人民能夠接收到外國電波，這亦是令Gorbachev意識到不能繼續維持極權統治的原因之一。今日的中國每年都有過萬的學生出國留學，4億的互聯網用户亦令知訊流動得更快更廣。這是一個沒有辦法逆轉的洪流，只有先知先覺的推行民主改革才不致被大水覆蓋。

我希望這不是自我期許的設想。

Openly closed: Japan's resistance against foreign tide

2010-11-10T22:57:00.000-08:00

Mixi: the Japanese version of Facebook

In an era of rapid globalization, it is somewhat shocking to note the exclusive nature of the Japanese economy, and to a larger extent, the Japanese society as a whole. The other day I was talking to a local and I asked her if she has a facebook account, she fawned and asked "What is Facebook?" I am trying my best not to sound like a presumptuous American who thinks everyone around the world should adopt to the American standard but FB by now has achieved an almost ubiquitous popularity around the globe. The local is in her 20s, university-educated, and is working for a large Japanese corporation in Tokyo. If anyone in the population knows/uses FB, she should be in that group. I was quite taken aback. This is Japan, not North Korea after all. Take another example - On TV, there are quite a few number of shows on sightseeing and with almost no exception, it is a domestic destination featuring the same formula over and over again: breathtaking scenery in some remote area of Japan, onsen, and exquisite food. It was interesting to watch in the beginning but afterwards, I got bored by the “おいしいいい〜”,　“うっまい” exclaimed by the hosts when they send the food to their mouth.

Nitori: the Japanese version of IKEA

On paper, Japan's markets are fairly open. Aside from agricultural goods, the tariff rates are about the same as those of other industrial countries and there are only few import quotas established. However, the truth is also that Japan spends less than half as much as of its income on imports of manufactured goods as any advanced nation. It is no secret that foreign companies find it extremely hard, if not impossible to penetrate to the Japanese market even though they might be able to offer a cheaper, better alternative. For all foreign companies which otherwise do very well in the rest of the world, there is a Japanese shadow version that counteracts this foreign influence. Mixi vs Facebook, MOS burger vs McDonalds, Nitori vs IKEA, Raketen vs Amazon.co... and the list goes on. According to a paper written by Paul Krugman, the limit of Japanese import is severely restricted by the web of implicit business relations guaranteed among firms. Using Krugman's words, "Japan hands point to the interlocking structure of ownership within Japan; to the long-term relationships between suppliers, distributors, and banks; to an economy that resembles an elaborate old boys' network more than the free-wheeling markets of America". My professor further pointed out that foreign companies are reluctant to invest in Japan because rules are not clearly spelled out and they feel that they are not playing by the same rules as their Japanese counterparts.

Rakuten: the Japanese version of Amazon.com

Unlike China, there is no central planning of the economy by the government and yet, the local economy is able to fend off most foreign competitions. In addition to the reasons on the supply side of the equation mentioned above, the demand side also paints an unwelcoming picture for the potential foreign investors.

Japanese products are known for their quality and their "優しさ” (customer-oriented) and the Japanese citizens are very well-awared of that. Japanese's pride in their craftsmanship (職人精神) and their utmost focus on details is reflected directly on the design of products and services. The view that the Japanese made products are better and therefore worth more extends beyond manufactured goods to just about everything that is Japanese-managed or owned. People are more comfortable with Japanese made products not because they are tailored to Japanese only, but also because the Japanese interface alone provides comfort to the users, who seem to naturally repel foreign looking goods and deem them subpar. How much of this biased-ness against foreign goods can be corrected by competitive pricing is unknown but foreign companies wishing to enter the Japanese market should probably put in some serious marketing efforts. What Japanese consumers are happy to buy are products that are made 'from heart' and are made to 'touch peoples' heart'.

Good songs never expire

2010-11-05T10:09:00.000-07:00

The melody alone warms your heart.

Southern All Stars - Tsunami

風に戸惑う弱気な僕
通りすがるあの日の影
本当は見た目以上
涙もろい過去がある

止めど流る清か水よ
消せど燃ゆる魔性の火よ
あんなに好きな人に
出逢う夏は二度とない

人は誰も愛求めて　闇に彷徨う定め
そして風まかせ　Oh, My destiny
涙枯れるまで

見つめ合うと素直にお喋り出来ない
津波のような侘しさに
I know　怯えてる　Hoo
めぐり逢えた時から魔法が解けない
鏡のような夢の中で
思い出はいつの日も雨

夢が終わり目醒める時
深い闇に夜明けが来る
本当は見た目以上
打たれ強い僕がいる

泣き出しそうな空眺めて　波に漂うカモメ
きっと世は情け　Oh, Sweet memory
旅立ちを胸に

人は涙見せずに大人になれない
ガラスのような恋だとは
I know　気付いてる　Hoo
身も心も愛しい人しか見えない
張り裂けそうな胸の奥で
悲しみに耐えるのはなぜ？

見つめ合うと素直にお喋り出来ない
津波のような侘しさに
I knowï　怯えてる　Hoo
めぐり逢えた時から死ぬまで好きと言って
鏡のような夢の中で
微笑みをくれたのは誰？

好きなのに泣いたのはなぜ？
思い出はいつの日も...雨

I am timid, and lost in the wind
The shadow of that day passes me by
The truth is, I have a past of easily crying
More than it would appear

Fresh water, flowing without stopping
A devilish fire that burns without disappearing
There won't be a summer again
Where I'll meet a girl that I love that much

Everyone searches for love, destined to wander in the darkness
So I trust myself to the wind, oh, my destiny
Until my tears dry up

When we gaze at one another, I can't talk to you naturally
Loneliness like a tidal wave
I know...I'm afraid of it, hoo
From the time we met, the magic hasn't gone away
In a dream like a mirror
My memories are rain everyday

When the dream is over, and I wake up
The dawn comes in the thick darkness
The truth is, I'm more tough
Than I would appear

Gazing at the sky that seems about start crying, seagulls float above the waves
This world is certainly pathetic, oh, sweet memory
Journeys in my heart

A person can't grow up without showing his tears
A love like glass
I know...I notice it, hoo
My body and heart can only see the girl that I love
Inside my heart that seems about to break
How do I endure this sadness?

When we gaze at one another, I can't talk to you naturally
Loneliness like a tidal wave
I know...I'm afraid of it, hoo
From the time we meet, until I die, say that you love me
In a dream like a mirror
Who is it that smiled at me?

Why do I cry, even though I love you?
My memories are rain everyday

"I wished 2 things..."

2010-11-03T03:49:00.000-07:00

"The first one is to do better of what I did"

"...The second one is to do worse of what I did"

so the line goes like this in "This is how you will disappear", the first theater play I attended in Japan which coincidentally was on the Culture Day (文化の日）. It was also one of the performing art series in the Tokyo Festival. The line was sang by a young promising athlete who was threatened by her trainer - he would kill her, and he meant it if she was not perfect. When she sang those lines, she was going though the inevitable stage of self-doubts and insecurities while muddling through the road towards stardom. The journey was long and lonely and you could never quite figure out how far you are from the end point, if there is one.

If we were better of what we did, we could be spared from the doubts we cast on ourselves and reassured ourselves the road that we have picked.

If we were worse of what we did, we could make peace with ourselves by just giving up and move on to something else.

The line hits me particularly hard as I am paving my way towards my desired future. (I have refrained from saying that it is my dream) I am not sure if I am talented enough to do what I have aspired for myself, nor am I sure if I can convince others that I am qualified. The paradox here is how to make others believe when are in awe yourself.

--------

booklet given in the play - just shows how far Tokyo ahead of HK in fostering culture activities

I am an amateur in theater but few comments about the play as a whole: The meaning of the story was hard to grasp but the production was no doubt top-notched. The lighting, the sound and fog effects were at their best even though it was played in a rather small theater with only 3 actors. The artistic quality of the play has exceeded by large margins the plays I have seen in Hong Kong. As a public policy student, the question then always comes back to, why Hong Kong has failed to produced a world-class theater play and attracted renowned international theater companies to play in Hong Kong? Simply emphasizing Hong Kong residents' indifference towards art gets in the way of understanding deeper issues in this society and to say Hong Kong is a pure financial city just does not explain anything.

Thickness of Air

2010-10-28T03:54:00.000-07:00

it was coffee, not beer - though i had wished, on the right

28 days have since passed and I am experiencing my first emotional downturn. The downturn is not homesickness. Matter of fact, homesickness is not an appropriate term for someone who only has an origin but not a home. The sudden downward spiral was, rather, driven by euphemism. Yes, euphemism - more specifically, the distance created by euphemism between individuals. I am tired of the long and carefully-crafted sentences that draw excuses from here and there and of which, when stripped to the core, are empty. So here I am, in a rainy and cold afternoon, sitting at the corner of the computer room and typing an entry of content that is incoherent with the other posts in this blog. I am not very good at concealing my own emotions but I have managed, to a large extent, in preventing Asian Salad from turning into my emotions dump ground. Weak as I am today, I decided not to fight against myself. People around me are chattering in loud Japanese and my usual peace of mind is suddenly shattered. I am generally comfortable when surrounded by unknowns but today, the air around me is strained and stuffy. I sensed a huge, immobile block of air wrapping me and my silence stands as a glaring contrast to the group that I will never belong. Then, I realize just how much I want to be embraced, both physically and emotionally.

-----------------------

Back from class. Presented to me was new concepts and knowledge that somehow connect with what I knew already, I found solace in this unknown familiarity. Whenever I reach out, it is always met with equal enthusiasm and this is exactly the kind of interaction I need.

生活感喟

2010-10-17T07:49:00.000-07:00

a bourche given by the university. "please never ever commit suicide"

寫作是一個很耗心力的過程。將腦子裡一閃即逝的念頭轉化成言之有物的文章，不容易。更難的是要令腦子思考有。趣。的。東。西。而不是老想著晚飯吃甚麼，明天穿甚麼一些落俗但必須要考慮的生活應對措施。所以，思考生活以外的事是種奢侈。

以前的我的確是太奢侈了。和家人住在加州，飯來張口，平日基本上不需要想穿甚麼衣服，因為根本沒有人理會或能分辨club monaco和gap的襯衫。生活上的鎖事如付款或購物一般也能在網上辦得到。但一個人在異國生活就不得不顧及這些事。例如我想在網上查閱户口結存，但原來要上網查鋹要先交一份書面同意書。又，家附近有數間小型超市，相隔數十步價錢卻可差一截，所以非格價不可...等等，單是應付這些“小事”便較我顧顏不及。這個星期我想得最多的依序是錢，食物和量計經濟(我正在拿的一課）。世界中發生的大事變得與我無干，而我亦無力去寫任何感想。即使只是擦身之遙的日本反華示威，除了些少的不安外，實在沒有更大的推動力去令我想了解事件的原委。

回到學校理應刺激我的思維，現在卻被生活磨蹭，實在有點納悶。我想我開始明白為何兩個人一起生活比較「著數」，回家有已準備好的晚飯和潔淨的衣服是多麼舒暢的一件事呀。在這以前，我只能節省無用的思路，和無用的購物。

適当に生きたい

2010-10-10T03:09:00.000-07:00

日文中的「適当」有兩個完全不同的意思。第一個就像中文字面的解釋，訳作「適合」，「妥當」。第二個解釋我覺得矛盾但很有意思, 解作「隨便」、「是但」，即「whatever works」。

我想「適当」地生活，做正確的事，但不用太認真耗盡精神去計劃怎樣贏得全世界。這所學校的日本人學生都應該是精英，他們的前途一片光明，能夠在可預計的路上「適当」地生活。但既然有東大這名號作保護網，我們不是能夠負擔更大的風險嗎？在「快樂經濟學」一書指，如果贏取＄100帶來的快樂是X的話，輸掉$100的痛苦不會是X，而是一個遠比X的價值為大的單位。結論是人總是討厭失去任何屬於自己的東西，當擁有的東西愈多，顧忌便愈大。從這層面看來，東大非但不是人生的彈板，反是一個扯著後腿的鉛球。這也是日本面對的問題之一，過去的日本太風光得意，縱然媒體都大肆報道現世代的經濟是如何不振，一般人都不覺得自己的生活水準差了很多。在沒有貼身的迫切性之下，所謂的改革是為了保持現狀而不是帶領日本走向更光輝的未來，政策不能亦不敢擊中要害，因為改革帶來的未知性是沒有政客敢擔當的。

扯遠了。

才上了一星期課，我覺得已學了一年的東西。東京大学是一所很舊，擁有自豪歷史的教育機關，校內的人有自己做事的一套，很多步驟看似繁複累贅但免卻不了。教授一字一驚心的英語固然是一個問題，同濟間在班房內的零發問才令我驚覺原來東西方的文化差異原來真的這麼大。可能是我太不懂規矩吧，站在講台上的大概都是日本國內有名的學術太斗，我這個半美國人卻總是不識趣的胡亂打斷教授的發言。來到這裡我陷入的身份危機更加嚴重，在這以前，我還一直以為自己是個害羞的香港人。

接下來的103星期還會有很多令我驚訝的人和事等著我去發掘。よろしくお願いします。

Initially...some short notes

2010-10-03T16:35:00.000-07:00

Street outside of Todai

It feels weird to be in Japan.

Walking on the streets, I see everyone around me looks more or less like me. A lot of them, I secretly decided, are not Japanese. Just like me, they blend into the crowd effortlessly like an undercover agent and until we speak to each other, we won't know each other's hidden identity. It was of course, a wishful thinking on my part that I am no different from anyone else living on this island. Everyone speaks Japanese to me and one person even attempts to ask me for directions on the Todai campus... until I show difficulty in understanding and she immediately backs off and apologizes "すいません", which by the way is my most frequently used Japanese.

I saw some familiar establishments (read McDonlads, Starbucks) around campus yesterday and was tempted to try if there is a special Japanese version of my usual indulgences in the states. As I approached the store, however, I hesitated. In my head, I was trying to remember what are "fries" called in Japanese and I just couldn't recall it anywhere from my limited japanese vocabularies. I turned back and went into a convenient store instead, buying an onigiri as a replacement.

It should not come as a surprise to me to see the price tagged on the food items after reading so much about it except it still does. They weight food by 100 grams, not pounds (100g = 0.22 pound) here and fruits and veggies are approximately 5 to 6 times the cost of what I see in Safeway in California. They sell lettuce by half and split the cabbage to 4 wedges so the price does not look outrageously high. I am sure the quality is top-notch but really, I just want to be able to afford more greens in my diet.

I was very proud of myself for being able to make my first transit on JR and get to 恵比寿 all by myself. On the train, the woman sitting next to me, who dressed in a very nice kimono in her 20s, was reading something with a chapter line "車の中で性交はいけない" (You can't have sex inside the train) No wonder people wrap their books here.

Wake up, September is ending.

2010-09-28T16:53:00.000-07:00

I've been sleepwalking through life the last few months but my day as a bum is fast ending. Re-engaging to academics and life in general serves as a relief to me as I sat idle, watching friends, ex-classmates and ex-coworkers busy with work or other endeavors. Though we do not want to admit at times, we all implicitly measure ourselves against our peers and our happiness is largely determined by our perception on others' level of happiness. It is therefore, uneasy for me to sit back the past 3.5 months. But life has a way of reminding you big purposes through small things.

Since my parents have closed down their clothing store around the same time I quit my job, we have managed to spend a lot of time together. And it was during then occurred to me that they have aged. I've long noticed that white hair has spout out from my dad's head but the process of aging actually goes less visible. Aging means you are stepping down from the prime of your life, and many tasks that were once easy for you, you now have to depend on the people around you. Little as paying bills online or driving to a new restaurant where yelp has good reviews on, these have gradually become like walking uphill for them. Then of course, what I observed as a sign of their aging might be exaggerated by their limited English and reluctance to adapt new technology. But the slope will only become steeper from here, and it is me and probably me only that they can turn to when they transit into a new stage of their lives.

They are progressing into the Septembers of their lives.

Septembers are times when farmers harvest their matured grains, fruits and vegetables. I am not sure if I have matured the way my parents have hoped or whether I am quite nearly ripe. I am probably still green in a myriad of ways but I am learning through trying - trying to become dependable while being independent.

2/5 Vegetarian

2010-09-21T12:40:00.000-07:00

People who have had eaten with me the last year probably noticed my newfound commitment to not eat beef. The decision was met with a lot of inquisitive eyes when it was first told because I don't "look like" a vegetarian. Most vegetarians they come to know are elderly women who don't eat meat for religious reasons. And when I told them my decision to forgone the mouth-watering wagyu (和牛) and its kind was for the sake of the environment because cows fart a lot and therefore produce a lot of CO2 gases, they thought it was a joke.

And lately, I have become fond of eating fully vegetarian, a progressive step of my no-beef diet, though by no means I am committed to be a vegetarian... yet. Maybe I am more health-conscious than before, but it just feels "right" to strip meat (of walking animals, not swimming ones) from my diet as much as possible. As I contemplate becoming a vegetarian, I have also come to aware that there are certain stigmas associated with being a vegetarian. Some that I can think of myself is that vegetarians tend to be more sophisticated, hippie-ish, drive a Prius, care about animals/earth more than living human beings and basically everything a macho American man is not. Hm... I will probably buy a Prius if I need a new car. check. I am cold to a lot of people and yet, people who have known me for long know that I am passionate about bigger causes. check again. Sophisticated? depends on the benchmark. Hippie? not quite. Oh, and I love watching football.. that would qualify as a "macho" trait I suppose. So 2 out of 5 in whole.

I can't help but question if I am falling into the vegetarian mold and whether I will reinforce this prejudice if I decide to become one. But I don't want to be categorized into any groups - in fact, I take pleasure in when people tell me that I am not Asian enough, not Hong Kong enough or not engineer enough... groups that people automatically assume I am part of but nevertheless I myself cast doubts on.

I want my decision to be reduced to the most genuine motive, but most of the times the decision-making process is marred by unnecessary concerns such as the projected public image of the decision.
The truth is I do care about the environment. And I care about my body as much, if not more, than the environment. With all that said, chances are I will become a 2/5 Vegetarian at the most because among the 5 major kinds of meat (Beef, Pork, Chicken, Fish and Others), I can only quit beef and pork.

Reference:
Eating beef more destructive to environment than driving
Vegetarian Stereotype

由A至M

2010-09-15T11:04:00.000-07:00

正確的譯名應為「中下階層的衝擊」但大前先生所作的解構名詞「M型社會」貼切的形容了當前日本中產階級逐漸消失的形勢，因而成為台灣的流行用語。「M型社會」在Wiki的解義為：

“描述日本社會由原來以中產階級為社會主流，轉變為富裕與貧窮兩個極端。”

不像香港，七八十年代的日本沒有很多錢多得令人乍舌的富豪，亦沒有太多在貧窮線下掙扎的草根階層。因為收入差別不大，日本便曾號稱“一億中流”，意即有超過一億二千萬人口的日本，有一億人自覺屬於中產階級。這是典型胖矮的A型社會，階級流動暢通。但隨著地產泡沫於90年代初爆裂後，日本即陷入長期的經濟不景氣及通縮，至今仍未恢復過來。伴隨這情況的是上班族的人工凍結或下調，「只要一直服務公司，就會慢慢升職加薪」這個大前題無可避免的崩塌。

印象中的日本的經濟雖然經歷了近20年的停滯不前，但人民普遍的生活水準在世界中仍是數一數二，尢其是工資，平均來說仍屬世界的上流階層。但原來這是誤解。日本的物價之高無出其右，由於市場封閉和盲目相信國產的物品質量較佳的關係，一般食物的價格都高居不下。據書中指，和其他國家的價格比較，米是美國的4倍；麵粉是英國的兩倍；牛肉是澳洲的5倍，新加坡，美國的4．5倍，連橙也是一般國家的兩倍至三倍。這是日本中下階層生活過得如此捉襟見肘的主要原因。

與普遍的觀點不同的是，大前先生認為經濟停滯不前與週期性的景氣不佳無關。「通縮」亦只不過是價格「正常化」的表現，而不是甚麼經濟危機而需要加以阻上。所以用印銀紙，零利率這些傳統的辦法根本不會奏效。歸根究底，這是經濟全球化的影響。日本是個出口國，產品無可避免地要和其他國家競爭，面對經濟「無國界」化，壓抑成本最簡單的方法便是壓抑工資或將生產地外移至成本較低的地方。但與此同時，日本抗拒外來的便宜物品，應為它們粗製濫造不及國產的精美，消費者根本連選擇的權利也沒有。政府一如已往的選擇去維護生產者的利益﹣一群為數較少卻很吵鬧的單位，卻疏忽了生活者應有的權利。這個日本結構性的問題。

「M型社會」發行於2006年。至今過了四年但日本除了換了5位首相外，政治上似乎還是乏善可陳，在改革的道路上還是沒有方向感。寫此文之時正值日本民主黨的黨魁選舉，代表求變的菅直人在選舉戰上戰勝了代表保守勢力的小澤，但菅直人有沒有改革的領導能力和選民有沒有耐性將成為日本未來發展的要點。

寫在下次回來之前

2010-09-08T20:46:00.000-07:00

在香港的假期已進入倒數階段。下次回來大概又是另一番光景。

過去數年搬家次數很密，我亦一直是以過客的心態去搬往另一個城市生活，工作。追求的是金錢量度不了的所謂生活經驗，失去的亦是金錢量度不了人與人之間那交心的交往。每次認識了新朋友或談不上朋友的泛泛之交，我也抱著「不會在此地久留，所以不用深交」那種近乎冷淡的態度對待人，生怕付出的時間會白費。別人大概也看出我的不在意，就算有心接近也被我那種狀似客氣其實拒人於千里以外的態度而討了個沒趣。久而久之我覺得自己好像已經不能靠近別人或讓別人靠近，潛移默化地將關係都量化成時間單位去測度。

未來兩年我仍會是以一個過客的身份在東京生活，但心態上我想作出一些調整。始終兩年不是一個短的時間，就算生活或學業沒有過得像預期般，我也會盡量以包容的態度學習欣賞不盡如人意的地方，不是老想著快要離開而省卻深入認識別人和這城市的時間。東京不會只是我人生的新一章，它還會是一個轉捩點，鋪平為我之後該走的路，但我不想只是向前走而忘記注意身邊人與事的美好。

香港對我來說永遠都有特殊意義。這裡有很多曾經和我的生命線平衡而走的人，一些雖然疏遠了但曾經帶給我震撼的人，一些年多才見但永遠沒有隔閡的人。過去一直在尋找那個屬於我包容得下我的地方，但突然發現原來那個地方根本不存在這地球上的任何一角。那個地方其實在心靈的平靜之處。

What's wrong about being smaller: the case for Japan

2010-09-01T03:39:00.000-07:00

Last week, China whizzed by Japan to become the world's second largest economy. The announcement naturally provoked some uneasy sentiments in Japan. With the population expected to shrink 50 million by 2050, Japan's future is bleak, some worried. However, some think that for Japan, being smaller is a more sustainable way to live in coexistence with the environment. This piece of writing merely presents view from both sides and by no means means attempt to suggest which is a better way. After all, it is an issue that the Japanese citizens should decide for themselves.

Among the advocates of a smaller japan is Professor Norihiro Kato of Waseda University. He argues that we have come to see the limit of our resources and a slowdown in production provides a smooth landing for downsizing.

"Japan doesn’t need to be No. 2 in the world, or No. 5 or 15. It’s time to look to more important things, to think more about the environment and about people less lucky than ourselves. To learn about organic farming. Or not. Maybe you’re busy enough just living your life. That, the new maturity says, is still cooler than right shoulder up. "

We have long believed that the fruits of economic success can be shared by the population as growth continues. However, we have also turned a blind eye to the other side of the equation - an environment cost that has to be borne by the population as well. There may exist a perfect equilibrium between economic growth, environment and the population and our environment, as a natural constraint, simply cannot support a perpetual and limitless growth.

Sakanaka Hidenori, a former direcotr of the Tokyo Immigration Bureau, also discusses the "Small Option" in his analysis of Japan's immigration policy. He makes no point in hiding that a shrinking population means that the younger generation has to pay higher taxes, entitles less pension benefits to support the current social welfare for the retired. However, with tight control, Japan can become a more compact society "with a moderate-sized population living a comfortable, relaxed lifestyle in a rich natural and social environment". In short, one that resembles New Zealand or the Scandinavian countries.

For most people, however, growth is the magic word. Striving to be number 1 should be the only goal for the country. This view is most strongly upheld by traditional politicians who promise to lead the lackluster economy out from the 20 year stagnation to appeal to their constituents.

Ohmae Kenichi (大前研一), a former business and corporate strategist at McKinsey, does not explicitly side with either option but in his book "So long America...until you come back to youserlf", he proposes that Japan can issue more visa to obtain semi-skilled workers from Southeast Asia to fill the open positions in the fast-growing elderly health care business. The decreasing number of young people has left many industries short of staff and alike.

It will take a lot of soul-searching in Japan to decide which way to go from here. But whatever way it pursues, changes are bound to happen.

文化週末

2010-08-29T22:43:00.000-07:00

這個週末心靈過得十分充實。

序言書室窗外

禮拜五晚到了旺角的序言書室出席有關美軍基地在沖縄問題的研討會。講者為日本駐港領事松永先生，會說日，英，中文，拿了Stanford的MBA，但不知怎的當起外交官，並曾在沖縄擔任美軍與當地居民的溝通橋樑。他談了沖縄的前世今生，為何沖縄人對美軍基地如此反感，甚為詳盡，但沒有涉獵到沖縄美軍基地的戰略作用和對國際關係的影響。聽眾十分投入，而且問題相當有質數，自己得著甚多。遺憾在發表完結後，他沒有留下一對一的和聽眾交流。

禮拜六看了由王迪詩原創的「孔雀男與榴槤女」舞台劇，甚對我口味。故事以香港近年發生的大事串成，勾劃出一個以精英主義掛帥的社會的可悲可笑之處。劇中主人公是個「偽知識份子」，滿口仁義，話裡間中喜歡插入英文詞彙但內容空洞。其間特首和眾高官陸續出場，當中的荒謬怪旦叫人忍俊不禁但也暗暗嘆息。可謂串盡香港，笑中有淚，經典台詞一句接一句，目耳都不暇給。當然，對我來說，更特別有警惕的意味。如何成為一個我口說我心，我手寫我心的人將會是我一生的課題。我相信此劇的工作人員都是心繫這城才能以尖銳諷刺的方式呈現香港獨特的面貌。這始終是一個叫人又愛又恨的地方。

因為表兄是主持，星期天接力出席了kubrick舉行的法國詩篇的研討會。不是我那杯茶，但後來發現原來在席者都不簡單。有香港作家也斯，藝術工作者wai yin等等。完結之後又到了Art Center 看劇團「三角關係」的「10字樓集作」小型話劇。主旨非常大路：青少年要打破既定生活模式，追尋夢想，遇到社會和家庭的阻攔。而故事也脫不開夢想就是到世界各地影相當攝影師，被迫放棄演戲而入讀商科等等的橋段。演員的演繹很青澀，但香港有這些劇團我覺得很不錯。在西九文化區的計劃討論進行得如火如茶之際，這些劇團作為軟體實在不可缺。

題外話，很奇怪地，開Cafe泡咖啡弄甜品對很多人來說都是有點浪漫的生活方式。雖然我也曾有經營Cafe的念頭，但經營Cafe是否就如我們想像能重拾生活自主？我們是否變得過份理想化又或者，這只不過是在我們潛意識裡，對社會彊硬化制度的反射？這亦令我想起近年在日本不少年輕人都放棄進入或入不到企業，而當上了Freelancer，隨自己喜歡的節奏去生活。某日本作家稱之現象為「下流化」來總括現在年輕人的無心戀戰。我覺得這沒有甚麼不妥，前題是年輕人不是被迫去過這種相對不安定的生活。

Are we happy consumers or being happily consumed?

2010-08-24T08:39:00.000-07:00

In Tsim Sha Tsui, at the premium shopping district, one can't help but notice the overwhelming number of affluent mainland tourists. They are not necessarily the most well-dressed, yet the women almost always carry a brand name purse while the men usually wear polo shirt and leather shoes. Thanks to these free spenders, Hong Kong's economy has fared the global economic downturn fairly well. But what exactly is it that propels these upstart to buy what they are buying now? Are there deeper reasons for the shopping spree other than the self-inflicted urge to boast the newly acquired wealth?

Prior to the economic reform in China 20+ years ago, the mainland was infused by ideological beliefs that proved to lack the practicalities to make China a more prosperous country. Mr. Deng XiaoPeng, whose vision and courage is perhaps the most important factor for China's economic miracle, opened up China for foreign investment and trades, which then lifted tens of millions of people out of poverty. Planned economy has failed miserably to the invisible hands of market economy. From then on, China gradually opened its various sectors and joining the WTO was the highlight of this transition.

But what are we left with spiritually? In the States, one can comfortably say that the founding principle of USA rests in the conviction that everyone was born equal and entitled certain human rights that the government is responsible in protecting. But what about China? The communist leaders had once believed that under socialism, everyone enjoyed their fair share of resource and could live respectably as a human being. But as capitalism has slowly taken ground in China, socialism has correspondingly lost its appeals and resorted to a mere rallying cry. With the higher ideal missing, China does not seem to know how to exercise its power that comes with its economic prowess in promoting a better world. In dealing with Zimbabwe's authoritarian government, the Chinese officials focus on the business ties and tangible benefits, supplying jet fighters, military vehicles and guns to the government which was then used to suppress and kill domestic opposition. China's interpretation of its action is that it does not interfere other countries' domestic affairs, which is in a sense, value-neutral. It is true that it has not imposed any ideologies or values on countries that it has provided aid, which stands as a sharp contrast to the onerous requirement set by the western countries. But is it really value-neutral? Rather, are we not imposing because we do not have a guiding principle/morale to offer but a mere absolute practical view on things?

And this practicality echoes back with the consumption fever in China. The mainland is under an subdue optimism driven by our economic success and our main direction as a country is to sustain this momentum and become the most powerful country in the world through economic domination. Our value is constructed entirely on economic ground rather than an abstract ideology that our ancestors have spent the first half of 20th century contemplating. While this seems to be a more solid ground, we are now living in an age where we have to spend to vindicate our worth and to justify our sudden wealth. We simply do not have anything to believe in other than what is in front of us and what we can carry in hand. At the same time, however, a bit of our sympathetic capacity to feel for others is lost in this consumerism tidal. Everyone around us is a competitor and in this ultra-competitive society, we can only get ahead to survive and we are too busy to care for others.

Certainly, spending is not a bad thing and is the backbone of modern economy. But what I am concerned with is that the economy will eventually slow down and by then, what can the Chinese believe in and what can be promised to the citizens to keep the country united? Will we turn to nationalism and protectionism?

都市抑鬱症

2010-08-16T10:44:00.000-07:00

回到香港不過一個多月，已經很想念加州那綠悠悠的草地，怡人的天氣和優閒的咖啡室。明明在那裡生活悶得要死，但現在想起來，那時候的悶卻是現在在香港缺乏的「思考空間」。都說記憶是個犯賤的東西，你每每記住的都是失去了的事物的好，它的壞卻是在擁有的時侯才最銘心。

這次回到香港對我來說有特別的意義，我想藉這兩個多月去測驗自己能否在這城市過活，學成之後可否將之重新塑造成為我的家。從加州回到香港的機會成本不大，我放棄的不過是一份不喜歡的工作和乏善可陳的生活。令我措手不及的反而是回到香港後身與心的對這地方的排斥。先說身體，回來後鼻敏感一直沒有好過，經常鼻紅紅眼眶濕潤，不知情者還以為我剛被斥罵而痛哭。天氣當然是另一難題，香港的潮濕悶熱我沒理由不知道，但知道和重新適應是兩回事，畢竟沒有在香港過暑假已經9個年頭，那種被汗水沾濕全身的感覺讓我清晰意會要減掉身上肥膏的迫切性。在我看來，「心靜自然涼」是逆向了的邏緝，應該是先涼，心才能靜。至於心理上的不適，每當見到在地鐵站商場裡展期會內人頭湧湧, 商場內不購買飲料便不能坐下休息，我的眉頭便皺起。又，咖啡室內沒有免費網路，無線抄襲劇集但又無其他視頻選擇，樓價萬幾二萬元一尺竟是合埋價錢，這些都令我無奈。在香港，我們的身與心都被自設的框架重重的包圍，我們都被催眠去接受社會上這些壓根兒沒道理，但被包裝成合理的事。

在加州過著舒適愜意的生活的同時，良心總在責備自己為甚麼不能作一個對社會更有貢獻的人。當香港的民生每況愈下，作為一個土生土長的香港人，我是否應該要回到香港來“做些事”？上面談到的不滿事情不正正是我要回到香港的原因嗎，為甚麼一個多月已忍受不了？這一個月來除了看了幾本書，寫了幾篇沒頭沒腦的文章外，我沒有做到一些能夠讓我踏前去實現理想的事情。再說，當我經常耍脾氣而令身邊的家人和朋友感到困擾的時侯，我有甚麼資格談論要令到社會上更多的人過幸福的生活？

我鄙夷那些在制度裡力爭上游的人，但卻從這制度抽油水抬高自己的身價。我覺得身內的理想主義和享樂主義正在交纏，時而它們很合拍的去支持我的決定，一時卻互相矛盾駁斥自己的論點。但我相信遲一點它們會演變成一些比較穩定的心態狀況，現在的我極其量只是那些只會說不會做，想從安全的距離批判這地方卻不落手落腳著手執行改變的偽善者。

我想改變香港，就先得完善自己。是我太自大了，不是我是否選擇香港，而是香港是否選擇我。

Share

Nicholas K

2010-08-10T09:18:00.000-07:00

New York has many ways to make you feel poor. Beautiful clothes being one of them.

Among my many dateless weekends in nyc, a lot them were spent in wandering the NOHO and SOHO neighborhood. People were extremely well-dressed and I, despite being a proud Californian, constantly felt out of place. It was a kind of emotion that resembled both disgust and admiration. So there I was, in a store called "Atrium", encountered some pieces of clothing that embolden my fashion sense and that I had no doubt would elate my confidence wearing them. Sold in the heart of the fashion capital of the country, they were of course priced out of my financial league even after discount. Being a discipline shopper, I fought off the idea of bringing them home on the spot thinking that, hold off, there might be better deals online. To my disappointment, this is not a well circulated label and the selection was limited on the internet as well. Obsessed nevertheless, I went back to "Atrium" whenever I was in the neighborhood and underwent the same internal battle every time.

Nicholas K was the name.

It is a company founded in 2003 by brother and sister team Nicholas and Christopher Kunz. Its women collection conveyed a sense of subdue urban toughness and an almost uncalculated coolness. With all that said above, I am yet to own any clothes from them and can only adore them through the catalog. But one day, I promise, I shall wear them to the lecture hall - as the instructor.

大國崛起,盛世之初?

2010-08-09T09:30:00.000-07:00

陳冠中先生的中國背景小說「盛世」是一個令人心慄的預言。

2013年，經過金融海嘯的洗禮，各國勢力大執位。美元大幅貶值, 中國不能獨善其身，民間出現恐慌，人心惶惶。政府在第一個星期先按兵不動，待民眾按捺不住反過來要求強勢政府介入保持社會穩定，再實行三個星期的嚴打，白式恐怖。其後一系列的措施迫令人民消費，經濟暢旺，中國正式進入盛世。

詭異的是國內絕大部份人都忘了這一個月。社會濔漫一片樂觀的情緒，人民對現狀感到前所未有的愜意，幸福感溢瀉。主角甚至無緣無故也會被感動得眼眶濕潤。民間沒有人去提及盛世前的一個月，這段歷史在資料報刊上當然也沒留痕跡，這個月就這樣從大家的記憶消失了。那些記得的反被標籤為社會上的邊緣份子，被孤立視為瘋子。書中的幾位主角想去追尋內裡的陰謀，但非常諷刺地，原來甚麼陰謀也沒有，民眾是自自然然忘記的。對於決心追求公義的人來說，哀莫大於麻木，既然民眾自願選擇忘記，真實到底是甚麼已沒有價值。

返回現實，自2008年以來，中國經濟經歷小輪的放緩後，在政府主導的經濟刺激方案之下，迅速回到升軌並被視為帶領全世界走出經濟低潮的動力車頭。特別在奧運後，全國都為成功打造最奢華的奧運會而自豪亢奮，其後的上海世博規模之大，秏費之多繼續使世界驚嘆中國的動員能力。大家都說「只有中國才能投放這麼多資源」。這些大型項目向世人展示出中國式的社會主義才能有效控制人群作有用的生產。

吹捧中國國力和效率的論調並不只來自中國，西方的傳媒都大遍幅報道關於中國崛起對西方構成的威脅和商機。有悲觀的美國輿論甚至因為美國自身的政治陷入民主黨和共和黨的長期爭拗，經常無法達成共識的局面而暗自質疑美國的制度是否出現了問題。中國國力相比下卻蒸蒸日上，不難令國人相信一個強勢的專權政府才能領導中國。

雖說「盛世」只是一本小說，但不難相信這會發生在今時今日的中國。君不見在中央政府的嚴密監察下，有關六四的談論在國內基本上已完全噤聲，年輕的更是對六四不甚體解。很多樂觀的朋友都說要給中國的民主進程多點時間，慢慢的，中國會變成一個更為理想的國度。但誠言，我是悲觀的。當一個人，一個地方富起來時，既得利益者都會想盡辦法去鞏固和擴大自己的利益, 利益鏈將政府和財雄勢大的人綁在一起。改變，根本亳不容易。

連結：

陳冠中先生的Wiki Page
aNobii 盛世 book review

地鐵電梯

2010-08-06T20:27:00.000-07:00

地鐵內的手扶電梯真是香港生活的最佳縮影。

香港人效率之高從電梯的速度可見一斑。地鐵電梯的速度之快相信香港認了第二，沒人敢認第一。每次從電梯踏出，都感到被推前的衝力，最重要的是當一隻腳著陸後，另一隻腳使要趕快準備踏出，否則穿拖鞋的就有夾腳趾之慮。不像在美國，電梯快要終断時我一隻腳踏出後還可以施施然的拖著另一隻走。

在香港的地鐵電梯，大家都會自覺地站在右邊，讓趕時間的人可以從左邊奔上跑下。這種對別人時間的尊重我是很欣賞的。香港人有多繁忙實在不可言喻, 這陣子想相約幾個老朋友出來搞個晚飯聚會甚麼的, 老是不能齊人. 一兩個工作狂總是在OT老板永遠不放人, 另一些就要放假倍屋企人男/女朋友, 其他的便要在工餘時上進修班或兼職, 朋友裡頭一個月可以見上兩三次的已經是超級VIP.當朋友問到最近在忙甚麼時,我都甚為尷尬, 好像我在家裡看書是在奢侈的浪費時間浪費生命般.

電梯更可透視香港個人空間的狹小.在電梯上不難看到一些年輕情侶一人佔一級，面對面擁抱依偎著, 一時額頭碰額頭一時輕輕細語甜蜜之情溢於言表.羨慕之餘這情景不禁讓我嘅嘆香港要找一個私人空間真不易。大家都說老外比較開放, 但這種親密在美國我只會在浪漫的地方如沙灘旁或是明刀明槍的肉市場內看到.如果在美國的商場這樣"在你的眼眶看到我",大概都會被叫 "Go get a room!". 在香港他們可能根本沒有自己的房間, 而電梯上因為要一字排列, 正正給情侶一個歇息,一個暫時忘記別人目光的微小空間.

再看看電梯兩旁的豊胸瘦身廣告.香港女士在如此澎湃的廣告攻勢下好難不被洗腦.就在電梯上的半分鐘,"豊胸, 女人的幸福"這catch phase先摧毀我的價值觀,正當我為我的天生不足消沉不已的時候, 突然間看到最先進日本納米技術可兩星期減去多餘脂肪, 重點係療程只需$899...我應該仲有得救. 就在這半分鐘,日復如此, 我的人生將會被催眠式的重新設定. 記憶所及, 就算是在對美的追求一絲不苟的日本我都沒有遇到這麼鋪天蓋地的類似廣告.

算了, 還是行樓梯比較健康.

Share

斑馬線頭

2010-07-25T07:12:00.000-07:00

飯局中談到男人頭髮的問題。

我說美國的白人男人，一到中年多數禿頭，不及印度人的體毛濃密。朋友F即時說香港的男人也不見得好很多，不少親戚的髮線也正向上移。我立時環顧酒樓內的男士，果真發現不少斑馬線頭顱。何謂斑馬線頭呢? 就是額頭以上寸草不生，但將茂密兩側的其中一面勉強梳向另一面的髮型。可是因為不毛之地通常的幅員較遼闊,所以髮絲不能充份覆蓋而造成黑白橫隔的奇怪光景。我想，與其左撥右撥的勉強蓋掩，不如剃光乾脆露出禿頂來得坦蕩。曖曖昧昧的掩飾反而更令肉色之處顯得更突厥不自然。

斑馬線頭讓我聯想到近期人氣甚高的口靚模。衛道之士都群起攻擊，說口靚模寫真「品位低俗」，「教壞細路」，口靚模就反駁說她們的相片是「健康性感」，沒有賣弄色情的意思。誇張的甚至說寫真富「藝術性」，為了藝術沒有底線云云。這分明是禿頭的硬要說自己不是禿，只是頭髮比較稀疏已而。要嗎就不要拍寫真，拍了就應該坦白點，大聲說「我就係要sell誘惑」。一個願買一個願怕，本來就是公平不過的交易。口靚模硬要說自己的寫真是藝術寫真就愈顯得此地無銀三百兩，公眾就更加不屑。其實周秀娜能夠從云云口靚模跑出不是因為她最漂亮，最性感，令大家受落的是她的敢作敢為，敢做敢認的坦然。

口靚模引起廣泛討論不是因為她們敗壞了社會風氣，（香港的文化風俗本來就不怎高尚嘛，茶餘飯後談論的不外乎明星股票之類），而是她們游走於文化間的灰色地帶，不容易被歸類。口靚模不像AV女優，沒有硬橋硬馬的宣揚色情，她們也不是正統的歌手／藝人，只能賣身沒有藝可賣。口靚模在這兩者之間能夠生存，正正因為她們滿足了那些明明鍾意𥄫女但又要辦正經的香港人。

所以香港的文化本身就是一個不折不招的斑馬線頭。當上至特首被問及六四應否平反時支吾以對，下至藝人被問是否和某某在拍拖時說大家是「好朋友」，真的不禁要相信要在香港出人頭地就一定要搞點曖昧才行。

Share

黨不住的80後

2010-07-20T03:19:00.000-07:00

早兩天看畢本地劇團“愛傷處”的處女話劇“黨不住的80後”，整體感覺是有點不倫不類。

首先，好端端的一個美國劇本，被冠上”80後“這個本土味甚強的劇目名，沒看處本介紹的還以為是一個本地原創劇（但無可否認我是因為“80後”這個catch phase而進場）。二，劇中加插了“god damn it", “oh my god"等等的美式俚語，和劇內的廣東話粗口與笑料顯得格格不入，效果好似叫余文樂扮陳冠希講英文咁，作壯不討好。三，撇開形式上的處理，內容表達雖然忠於原著，但因為題材渉及大麻與槍械，一般香港人難以代入角色。後現代青少年的迷惘這個主題是世界性的，但在香港這個擠迫細小的城市，要尋找“freedom creek”這個能夠脫離社會大氣以至金錢的綁縛，有自由去塑造理想共同體的烏托邦，是要我們的想像力伸展至不現實的地方。在香港，我們極其量只能有如“六樓後座”的被動空間﹣一個被壓迫下勉強喘延的地方。但是在其他先進地區國家，青少年如果融入不了主流社會，也有到郊外經營咖啡鋪甚至是務農的可能。所以說，在香港生活本身就是一個困局。而劇的最後結局，雖然我個人很喜歡，甚有日本色彩的頹廢感。那是無助感的無限膨脹, 有別於一般tvb式的大團圓結局。

香港的80後有其獨特的地方，但“黨不住的80後”的主題材卻因未能聚焦於香港80後的特性，所以說起故事來不夠一針見血。但作為本地初生劇團第一個嘗試，已算是不錯吧。

Reverse culture shock

2010-07-12T09:06:00.000-07:00

Having been in and out of Hong Kong number of times now, I did not expect to experience any kind of reverse culture shock this time around. But as it turns out, there is still a number of things that i find slightly surprising:

1. Hong Kong is unbelievably clean, even in the public bathrooms. The cleanliness of Hong Kong's bathrooms has exceeded my expectation, in fact so clean that I wanted to take a picture out of it but waived off the thought in the end. And aside from bathrooms, streets are generally well-maintained and rarely would you see an overfilled trash can or unclaimed rubbish bags lying on the street. Maybe we are trying to lead by example to our fellow mainland comrades and compete head to head against Singapore, but whatever the driving force is, I appreciate this rise in hygiene standard - and would even more so if they start to provide seat covers also in bathrooms.

2. The queuing habit. My definition of waiting in queue is to wait at a spot behind the person already there but apparently, people here have a different take on it. Although I am only back for a week, I have been cut in front in a line 4 to 5 times already while waiting for the train. I am guessing their act of cutting in line is justified because I have left sufficient space between me and the person in front of me for another person to slip through effortlessly. So from this experience, I have devised what is a good distance to keep between the person in front and myself, and that is, if the person in front can not sense your breath when you are exhaling, you are leaving too much space and should move one small step forward. sigh. Hong Kong, why are you always pushing me.

3. Why the hell is dessert so expensive? Let's be real, I am not paying 30sth HKD for some shave ice. No wonder dessert shops are ubiquitous in Hong Kong - I can totally imagine they reap a 90% profit off that tiny bowl of sugar water.

4. It amazes me yet annoys me the same time that the sales associates are so aggressive in the stores. Everytime I come close to a product in a store, a sale associate immidiate approaches and starts listing the features of the product that I am about to look more closely. But as soon as he/she starts speaking and tells me that what a rare promotion they are doing now, I hesistate and keep my hands back.

絆

2010-07-07T01:28:00.000-07:00

兄弟姊妹之間的牽絆與生俱來，但這牽絆和甚麼事物也一樣, is not built to last。有此感慨要由某表哥即將舉行的婚禮說起。話說媽打的姊姊一向和媽媽的關係也不錯, 但在數年前她的婚姻出現了問題, 她選擇怪罪了媽打而不是自己或姨丈. 原因？因為媽打沒有告狀。姨媽相信媽打一早知悉那第三個女人，但因為姨丈和爸爸有生意來往的關係，而不將實情相告。她們的關係自此進入冰河時期。原本表哥的婚禮是大好的破冰機會，但也許姨媽心頭那根刺太粗太中心坎 ﹣ 當媽打其他的兄弟姊妹已悉數收到邀請出席婚禮的電話時，我家的電話始終沒有響起。

Given what I knew and not knowing what is hidden from me, 我當然是為媽打抱不平。我們家都不是多事的人，尢其是這些「惟恐天下不亂」人才幹的事, 我們都噤聲不會多說。再說，婚姻乃私人至極之事，孰是孰非又豈由外人插口。而且媽打根本不能肯定那個人就是第三者。不過，事到如今，要媽打和姨媽回到關係未破裂之前的有傾有講，大概已不太可能。我為媽打的難堪而難過，每當聽到其他親友準備出席表哥婚禮，卻甚有默契的不談姨媽或不去詢問我們有沒有被邀請的時候，我們的不被邀請好像都變得是應該的，合理的。突然間，大家都過份識趣的不去插手，不去嘗試以「大家都是一家人」的心態去媛和這僵局。大家都怕表態，怕觸及別人的「易燃點」而灼傷自己。

仲夏午之夢

2010-07-03T22:52:00.000-07:00

某友人衝入屋時，剛好被屋內的人大力關門，因衝力過猛而撞得頭破血流而死。現場是一個頗為富裕的市郊, 每户前皆有一個整齊的草坪, 停車房外泊著潔淨簇新的房車。事發時夜已深，警察遂將意外現場封鎖，剩下兩個目無表情的守衛在交頭接耳。警察車上的警號燈光沒有轉暗的跡象，紅光沒有絲毫忌諱的劃破黑夜。

我沒有看到意外發生時的情形，只收到一個匯告朋友已過身的電話。發呆數分鐘後眼淚竟奪眶而出，然後心是抽搐的痛。我驚訝自己原來不是想像中冷血，原來一個人對自身的影響根本不能由自己控制。我隔著玻璃球注視著朋友要衝進去的屋，粉白的門完全沒有被破壞的跡象，而朋友的屍體早已被搬走。屋內始終漆黑一片。

後記：
朦朦朧朧中從這超現實得來很真實的夢醒來，發現兩行淚。趕緊抹乾然後再閉眼去尋找睡眠帶來的麻痺，但久久不能釋懷甚麼能令友人奮不顧身。

Illustration of Kafka's "Country Doctor"

2010-06-23T19:18:00.000-07:00

A Japanese manga illustration of Kafka's "Country Doctor"... Didn't realize I over read so many important details of the story until I watched the illustration below.

當奴的無奈：教我如何說服您

2010-06-18T10:36:00.000-07:00

既然擺得擂台，我相信當奴是真心相信他的方案已經增加了民主成份，在中央早已決定2012選舉功能組別與直選議席的比例必須相同這個大前題下，這是他能力範圍內爭取到最大的進步，可以同廣大市民交待。但，看著他乏善足陳的語調，不停將停滯不前的民主發展責任推向否決05方案的泛民身上，繼而再半恐嚇市民唔上呢班車就永遠去不了普選這個有如海市蜃樓的終點，我實在連同情分也打不到給他。說真的，我寧願當奴坦白一點，清楚道出有無或幾時有普選根本不由香港人話事，中央一句OK，甚麼循序漸進的民主基本法依據都是廢話，明天我們便可以高高興興的去投票選特首。

在互相質詢的環節，特首問余議員如何爭取40票去取消功能組別，反被譏諷「你唔識做問我點做」，便讓我們清楚看到當奴的無奈。就算，and that's a big if, 當奴真的有心廢除功能組別這個選舉模式，在現存30個功能組別議席（雖然也有泛民的功能組別議員）制度下，要功能組別自動放棄特權談可容易。上有中央，下有民建聯以及社會既得利益者，政府在這種綑綁式監察下運作根本不能有甚麼作為。反觀余議員站在道德高地，質問功能組別的存廢時擲地有聲，動之以情說之以理，特首根本沒有招架之力。雖然觀眾問到否決了方案後民主發展何去何從時有點噤聲，但overall, 余議員的表現可以用屈機來形容。

我想，一個曾在哈佛接受教育的人應該可以理解余議員有關普選定義的提問都是合情合理，偏偏在這個框子內，特首只能用帶灰色地帶的字眼朦混過關, 與喬曉陽的官腔一脈相承. 在廢武功之下，that is the best he can do.

特首，真的很難做。

"But why all this hate?"

2010-06-16T21:58:00.000-07:00

旋律美得很不真實的一首歌 ﹣

I'm a new soul
I came to this strange world
Hoping I could learn a bit about how to give and take.
But since I came here
Felt the joy and the fear
Finding myself making every possible mistake

La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la...

I'm a young soul in this very strange world
Hoping I could learn a bit bout what is true and fake.
But why all this hate?
Try to communicate
Finding trust and love is not always easy to make.

La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la...

This is a happy end
Cause' you don't understand
Everything you have done
Why's everything so wrong

This is a happy end
Come and give me your hand
I'll take your far away.

I'm a new soul
I came to this strange world
Hoping I could learn a bit about how to give and take
But since I came here
Felt the joy and the fear
Finding myself making every possible mistake

La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la...

I owe writing a reflection to myself

2010-06-13T15:38:00.000-07:00

After 1 year and 11 months of self-doubts, repeated but futile attempts of self-justification, anger, frustrations and all sorts of negative emotions, I am proud to announce that I have finally set myself free. The last day of work was somewhat of an anticlimax after close to 3 months of planning and a more-than-enough 6 weeks of leave notice. For all the setbacks I have experienced, I shall say that this job has helped me figured out myself and there are several important take-aways that I can use as a reminder for myself in the future:

1. I can work long hours only for a cause I deem worthy - and money is not one of them.

2. My ultimate passion is to help and inspire people even though I am not exactly a people-person.

3. I don't mind working in front of the computer for 13 hours straight but my brain better not be idle and numb.

The last week of work, I was paranoid. I kept thinking that something out of the whack would happen to me like getting seriously injured in a car accident. Maybe this day was too important to me or that I still have doubts about my decision so this unfulfilled premonition was a sign of my anxiety towards the future. Despite knowing that I will be in Tokyo the next two years, there are still important questions that I need to answer for myself like where do I want to and can settle, should I have a plan B for myself if the route to academia does not work out...etc. Also, I need to be more conscious towards my family's feelings when I am making decisions in the future. I can't just carry this me-and-only-me mentality going forward and really, start to pay attention to the people around.

Why does football, aka soccer, never make it to the main stage in America?

2010-06-09T16:24:00.000-07:00

Americans, in general, are dazzled by size. To name a few, just look at the quarter pound cheeseburger, the power size Jamba Juice, Hummer trucks, Walmart, and our dear California state governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, their presence alone is not only overpowering but can be intimidating in a lot of ways, and their sheer volume says quite a lot about Ameircans' infatuation in bigness. In America, size is an equivalent measure of manhood and power - the more muscular you are, the higher you can hold your head up.

Compared to Europe and Japan where meterosexual with delicate facial feature and slim figure has come to become the standard of male beauty, American concept of a "true man" is one with a defined jawline and well built muscles, and one who carries a gun and hunt in the wild. This very image (think of Brad Pitt) has probably stayed the same way since the birth of the nation albeit the drastic social change in the last 100 years.

The same preference for muscularity and manhood over anything else deemed less macho naturally affects our sports selection. American Football is the most popular sports in the states and it features nothing but big, no, HUGE guys whose arm width easily outmatches my thigh width. Basketball, as well, are not meant to be played by the regular-sized human beings. The average height of NBA players is about 6'8'' as opposed to 6'1'' of the players in the English premium league.Unless you have sonic speed, there is close to no chance to be selected to NBA if you are less than 6 feet tall.

So what about baseball? You don't have to be the biggest, the tallest nor the quickest to play baseball. True. Baseball is probably the least physical sports among the popular sports in America but the myth with baseball is that it falls very well into the category of "American Dream". With hard work and strong determination, you can develop from an amateur baseball player to a pro, and in fact, lots of players in the MLB played in the development league before going to the national league. The dream of becoming a pro athlete is actually within the reach of the common people like me and you, which is precisely the charm of this sports and echoes nicely with the core value of America.

Football, on the other hand, is being discriminated against in America because its very nature discourages intense physical contacts and nothing in the game of football celebrates the toughness of the players. Not only you don't have to be the biggest nor fastest to play football, too often, we see a supposedly world class player dives to the ground, clutches to his leg and whine in agony in a pathetic attempt to have the refugee calls foul. "How in the world will you get hurt with a tab on the shoulder?" An American audience will probably yell. Put it this way, "Making a show of your physical vulnerability runs counter to every impulse in American sports.", says an American columnist. In short, America is just too barbaric a nation to appreciate the beauty and art of football and we just cannot be satisfied until some fists are thrown and players carried off the court on a stretcher.

So can America ever embrace football? Probably not. And it is for the sake of international stability anyway to keep the Americans out from the football elites. The anti-america sentiment will surge, as if we are not hated enough already by the rest of the world, if team USA wins the world cup.

二世祖

2010-06-07T22:21:00.000-07:00

金正日，說穿了，其實只不過是一個食早蔭的二世祖﹣靠著老父金日成的國父之名，然後自封將軍實行極權統治，人民生活在水深火熱中卻視若無睹，明明已經一窮二白還繼續將僅有的資源投放在發展核事業之上以唬嚇週邊的國家。這個「偉大領袖」不按章出牌，將各國玩弄於鼓掌之內，令身為盟友的中國和諸敵國皆無所適從. 究竟佢既所作所為係為了保護早業定係另有所圖實在令人摸不著頭腦。

放諸香港與美國，二世祖又是何其的多，雖不至金正日般呼風得風但驕縱愛炫曜財富的倒見過不少。他們追求高級有品味的生活卻說不足穿怎樣的衣服，食物應該如何烹調，放置怎樣的傢具才算有品味，只懂求其堆砌名牌上身然後出入貴價餐廳（有時我真為LV的設計者歎息）。我懷疑，他們的驕縱源於從少別人對他們的奉承所以一直都不將別人放在眼內，就算是戀人朋友也視之為自己的裝飾品而不是用真誠的態度對代。

我覺得要令一個二世祖醒覺是非常困難的﹣除非佢自己敗左成個家。對著二世祖施軟他便以為人家想蘢絡自己抽水，硬的話又以為要搶佢身家，所以金正日呢個case，除非北韓人民站起來，否則，難搞矣。

醜陋的香港人

2010-05-15T10:03:00.000-07:00

得知補選的投票率是尷尬的17．1﹪時，失望，憤怒交雜。原來香港人真的對民主沒有甚麼渴求。要求的只是盡快落實真普選，踢除功能組別這個與民主精神背道而馳的崎形制度。一個卑微不已的要求﹣ 卻得到不夠兩成人的認同。

公投之前，看見周遭很多的朋友都在facebook呼籲去投票, 而在網上亦有很多人發表文章支持這次公投，深受感動，本來想寫一篇題為「美麗的香港人」的文章, 天真的以為普羅大眾都會站在雞蛋這一邊，用自己力量微小的一票撞向石牆。然而，現實都非盡如此。「搞咁多野不如去飲茶」先至係主流聲音。香港人，係咪淨係識得搵錢？

民主，其實真的不能解決所有問題。它不能保證香港經濟繁榮，也不能保證每個人都安居樂業。但至少，它給予我們解決問題的機會, 讓我們正視存在於社會上的不公平。香港法制健全，市民普遍的教育程度很高，民主的種子其實早已在這小城上散播。香港人卻沒有好好珍惜這些來得不易的自由民主 ﹣ 我們今天的冷漠將成為明天的悔恨。

Share

iHea

2010-05-10T21:31:00.000-07:00

A very proud design of mine from more than 3 years ago... Just posting it again to remind myself of the parts of me that I have lost in the last 2 years of working life.

"A Personal Matter" by Oe Kenzaburo

2010-05-10T21:20:00.000-07:00

Knowing that Oe has a brain-damaged son himself, I thought "A Personal Matter" would, as the title and the cover suggests, be a recall of his personal experience and internal struggles in bringing up a child with disability before flipping the first page of the book. Quite the contrary, despite of the bibliographical references, it is a true fiction that features an antihero who wants to escape from his responsibility as the father of his newly-born son diagnosed with brain hernia, and to a larger extent, the responsibilities that comes with being a grown man. This is not a tale about the interaction between disabled baby, but rather, a harsh revelation of human weaknesses and an exploration of the psychological shadows cast by our own selfishness.

A heavy alcoholic with a less than satisfactory marriage and a job that he has no interest in, Bird, the protagonist, is hardly a likable character; his dream to set foot on the African soil is a mere reflex of his inability to adopt to the real world. Before the "grotesque baby" was born, Bird has hitherto been fleeing away in situations that require him to step up and it was no exception this time. He pleaded the doctor to let his baby die, and resort to the sexual comfort that his ex-girlfriend provided while his wife was still in the hospital. Yet, for all his faults, I can't help but to sympathize his cowardliness, his does-not-give-a-damn attitude towards his job, his decision to numb all senses in whiskey and sex, as if everything can be reduced to its most simplest form of existence and that we can ignore all the ugly manifest of reality in the distorted world created by these toxic reliefs. Towards the end of the book, Bird has come to some sort of enlightenment which dragged him back from the abyss of self-denial and self-pity - He decided to save the life of his child, of which a successful operation was later executed. The ending is somewhat of an anti-climax and does not come off as a complete close to me. I felt genuinely sorry for Bird's lover, who seemed to become so consumed with the idea of escaping to Africa with Bird and the belief that they have leaped through a mere sexual relationship to the highland of spiritual interactions. She too, has to deal with the traumatic psychological aftermath of her husband's suicide and has dwindled away in reckless sexual experiences. She deserves better than being left behind in shatters.

"What was he trying to protect from that monster of a baby that he must run so hard and so shamelessly? What was it in himself he was so frantic to defend? The answer was horrifying - nothing! Zero!" This sentence strikes me as the harshest denouncement of Bird's character and had me look hard at myself on whether I, too, have been fleeing away from my responsibilities with the oh-so-noble excuse of acquiring further education? And what exactly am I trying to nourish in me that I absolutely can't do with my current state? Is it just wishful thinking on my part that everything will be alright once I return to school? On a more positive note, if it is not for the arrival of the monster baby, there will be no hope to restore any substance in Bird. So something, anything, needs to happen if we want to move out from the stagnant state of hopelessness.

I feel that I didn't spend as much time as I should on this book where many parts within this relatively straightforward story require much deeper thinking on my part and yet, I was almost rushing through to the end so I can finally say I have read Oe. Shame on me. That said, I can still say that this is truly a powerful work that analyzes our emotion traits in different layers when human beings are in strained conditions. I think I will read Oe more later on as this is definitiely my kind of books.

自殺的迷思

2010-04-30T21:12:00.000-07:00

早兩天在報紙上讀到有關中國自殺問題的研究，頗有感想，所以特別在此用自殺這個社會問題作開端，試談中國和日本在文化上的異同﹣

中國和日本的自殺率都屬全球最高之列，據統計每10萬人就有 20人或以上選擇以自殺結束生命。在中國，自殺者以女性為多數而且多發生在農村而非城市裡。研究者說，自殺往往帶有濃厚的道德意涵 - 很多自殺者選擇一死以示清白，有些甚至以死亡作為報復的手段去控訴精神或肉體的施害者。因為內地的農村普遍仍是一個男性主導的社會，女性多數要倚靠男性生活，所以就算受到生理或心理的虐待，女性要離家出走往往不是一個選擇。撇除經濟上的困難不說，傳統倫理上，就算是於理甚當，女性若捨棄家庭就會被枷上一個拋夫棄子的罪名。她們的生存空間與意義狹窄，自我意識形態薄弱，如果在這既定空間內被摧殘很容易會產生走投無路的無助感，亦解釋了為甚麼中國農村女性自殺的比例較高。再說，在仍然奉儒教思想為道德規範的中國社會內，女性被推崇的角色多數是以奉獻者的身份出現。在歷史上被歌頌的中國女性並不多，但被頌讚的都是那些忍辱負重，犧牲自己以成全丈夫或兒子幸福的“賢妻良母”。如孟母三遷都是一些大家熟知的典故。這些教誨都成為對女性無形的制壓，抑郁著女性對自身幸福的追求和表達自己的勇氣。

日本的情況卻與中國恰如其反，自殺者以男性居多。2003年的數據顯示，男性對女性的自殺比例為40：15, 其中尤而50至64歲的中年男性自殺比率最高。自殺，在日本的傳統文化裡，帶有特殊的意味。由古代的武士以近乎宗教儀式的腹切自殺捍衛尊嚴免被敵人凌辱，到二次大戰的神風部隊明知難逃一敗卻誓與敵人同歸於盡的自殺式襲擊，自殺的意義是以生命去換取比生命更大更重而又無法用片面文字去定義的尊嚴。來到近數十年，女性在日本社會的地位雖然大為提高，但傳統上「男主外女主內」的性別責任分野並沒有太大改變。一個家庭內，男方的責任就是要為家人提供日常經濟上的所需。若果男方未能扛起這擔子就會被社會認為是「敗犬」，沒有男性尊嚴可言，亦說明了為甚麼在日本經濟的「失落廿年」裡，男性的自殺率比起女性高出許多。除了社會期望與自身能力的落差外，亦有人在走投無路之下以自殺去獲取給家人的保險賠償金。在日本文學裡，自殺的情節亦是屢見不鮮。早期的文學中較出名的有情侶因為關係不被承認而雙雙自殺的情節，到近代文學，故事內角色的自殺動機更多更廣，亦是作家常用的題材。文學外選擇以自殺結束生命的日本作家也為數不少，最轟動的是屬右翼份子的三島由紀夫在70年以腹切的方式自殺以鼓吹恢復日皇的正統地位。

在有關自殺的討論上，日本和中國最大的分別是日本將之看為一個肯承擔的表現，在某程度上是光榮的，中國人就多數認為拋下家庭去尋死是懦弱不負責任的行為，但共通的是，這兩個社會都不易生存，不易輕鬆簡單的生活。

Share

不是情信

2010-04-20T10:29:00.000-07:00

K2,

多年不見, 您還是如此風趣, 還是一貫的喜歡自嘲. 不同的是現在的您多了一種從容. 聽著您用那帶些少口音的英語談笑風生, 竟有點著迷. 厨司在鐵板前如耍雜技的將三文魚煮熟, 再優雅的將微焦的魚放在我的碟子上, 「どうぞ」他恭敬的說. 但我竟顧閒不及回句「ありがとう」, 只是用不耐煩的眼神向他示意行了. 隔壁數枱坐著一個我想可以湊夠一支美式足球隊的家庭, 吵吵鬧鬧的時而為厨司精彩的表現喝采時而唱起生日歌來, 最後還勞師動眾的影了一張全家福先罷休. 但嘈雜的環境卻有助減低兩個人雙互而視的尷尬感. 噢, 是酒精作祟還是因為有好的食伴, 我的自我良好感覺也突然膨脹起來, 話變得很多, 也笑得不顧儀態. 東拉西扯的上至政治下至餵牛飼料, 我們竟然這樣的胡謅了近三小時.

回想起來, 您在我心裡總有點神聖不可侵犯的感覺. 您的世界裡頭有兩個宇宙, 兩個互不交叉平衡而存的宇宙. 在這兩個宇宙您都是如此的閃亮但同時這又是一個我永遠都進入不了的宇宙. 我不會為你的成就喝采 - 您需要的認同要從您認可的人那裡來, 我沒有這資格. 這夜您依舊閃爍, 但使我心神盪漾的卻是您的不肯定和您不以為然的孤独. 這孤独令我感覺和您走近了一點 - 我們是同一類人?

縱然我自覺比上次見您時的我向前走了一大步, 但這足夠將我放在您的同一台階上嗎? "Just between you and me..."您突然說. Eh......? 難道我們的關係到可以分享祕密的地步了? 我不自禁的又緊張起來. 然後您娓娓道來您那Facebook Account 的由來, 我鬆一口氣, 沒啥大不了但您就有這能耐令我陶醉不已. sigh. 都已經唔係十八廿二, 仲學人少女情懷. 臨上車時您說我們應再找時間出來聚聚, 是禮貌還是真心的邀請我這刻仍猜不透. 不知道在我離開以前還有沒有見面的機會, 但, 希望下次再見的時候您會對我令眼相看.

O.

延伸音樂:
東京事変スーパースター

「未来は不知顔さ、自分で造っていく。」
　多分あなたはそう云うと判っているのに
　ほんのちょっとざわめいた朝に声を無くすの
　私はあなたの強く光る眼思い出すけれど
　もしも逢えたとして喜べないよ
　か弱い今日の私では
　これでは未だ厭だ

「答えは無限大さ、自分で造っていく。」
　枯れ行く葉が相変わらず地面を護っている
　そんな大地蹴って歩いては声を探すの
　私はあなたの孤独に立つ意志を思い出す度に
　泪を湛えて震えているよ
　拙い今日の私でも

　明日はあなたを燃やす炎に向き合うこゝろが欲しいよ
　もしも逢えたときは誇れる様に
　テレビのなかのあなた
　私のスーパースター

“The future is a face of ignorance, I’ll keep making it myself.”
Maybe that’s what you think
It’s just that on a kind of loud morning, I lost my voice

But I remember your brightly shining eyes
If I were to meet them again, it would not make me happy
So this is the me of a feeble today
And yet I hate this

“Answers are infinite, I’ll keep making them myself.”
Dying leaves are, as usual, protecting the ground
Kicking, walking over that kind of earth is how I search for my voice

Each time I remember your decision to stand in solitude
I shake, enduring the tears
But this is the me of an inept today

Tomorrow, I want our hearts to face each other in the flame that burns you
As if when we met was something I could be proud of
The you inside the TV
is my superstar

Democracy as coffee

2010-04-15T13:20:00.000-07:00

Times and times again, democracy as a means to bring stability and prosperity has failed miserably and resulted in bloody riots and thousands of casualties. In Africa where dozens of pseudo democracies were established the last century, elections are usually accompanied with high risk of violence. Just 2 years ago, more than 1,300 Kenyans were killed in the outburst of post-election violence when Mr. Kibaki was declared the winner before the election commissioner knew who won. In Nigera as well, the state and local elections were marred by series of violent incidents in the 50s-60s and the political instability in the aftermath has become a major reason of the prolonged poverty in the region. So does democracy really hold the glamor that the West has proclaimed and is it suitable for every country?

According to the analysis of University for Peace, the main causes of electoral violence are as follows:

Poverty/Unemployment
Ineffectiveness of Security Forces/Culture of Impunity
Weak Penalties
Weak Governance and Corruption
Small Arms Proliferations

which leads me to think that democracy is like coffee - without milk and sugar, it just tastes bland. Definitely smells good, but not everyone can take the bitterness. Using the above as a framework, I tried to rationalize the fear of implementing a democracy in China and I can only relate corruption as an potential systematic deficiency that could be used an excuse to deter democracy. Then of course, there are tons of others reasons that the authority can list as to why China is not suitable for a "western-style" democracy. So maybe what we need for China is a green tea latte: a democracy with a local flavor, a system that takes into account of the cultural characteristics, history and social environemnt that too often yield to an abstract ideology.

I want to examine some of the necessary elements that should go side-by-side with democracy in order to make it a lasting and successful system, the milk and sugar required in making the perfect coffee. For one, judicial independence is the cornerstone of democracy which should be established at the time of a democracy is formed. Secondly, good governance along with a reliable security force needs to be in place to discourage social outbreaks. These two are discussed in previous literature but I believe that we also need to incorporate local elements of the region into the system because one system does not fit all. I do not know if China is ready for a democracy now and if it ever will but regardless, an ideology is dead. The people are live. It is my belief that there are certain rights that are innate to human beings when they are born and true leaders will stand to protect these rights of their citizens. How leaders are chosen depends on the system and whatever the system is, it should never take on a life of its own and disillusion our values, as Murakami Haruki has once said.

As for Hong Kong, how about a yin yeung?

Muse-ic

2010-04-10T15:22:00.000-07:00

Absolutely amazing.

This is the kind of music that brings you to a different world and the way music should be. I didn't have an open ear to electric stuff before but man, ain't I missing out this whole time.

I think I'm drowning
asphyxiated
I wanna break this spell
that you've created

you're something beautiful
a contradiction
I wanna play the game
I want the friction

you will be the death of me
you will be the death of me

bury it
I won't let you bury it
I won't let you smother it
I won't let you murder it

our time is running out
our time is running out
you can't push it underground
you can't stop it screaming out

I wanted freedom
bound and restricted
I tried to give you up
but I'm addicted

now that you know I'm trapped sense of elation
you'd never dream of
breaking this fixation

you will squeeze the life out of me

bury it
I won't let you bury it
I won't let you smother it
I won't let you murder it

our time is running out
our time is running out
you can't push it underground
you can't stop it screaming out
how did it come to this?
ooooohh

you will suck the life out of me

bury it
I won't let you bury it
I won't let you smother it
I won't let you murder it

our time is running out
our time is running out
you can't push it underground
you can't stop it screaming out
How did it come to this?
ooooohh

X岔口

2010-04-08T21:33:00.000-07:00

父母對我無定向轉風式的改變人生目標頗有微言. 我想, 不只是父母, 連我自己也對自己在人生道上的左搖右擺感到無比疲累. 由土木工程到工業工程到金融再到毫無關係的東亞政策研究, 地點就由Davis到berkeley到new mexico 到new york到三藩市再到下一站, 東京, 過程真係峯迴路轉過TVB劇情. 畢業後總覺得自己大把世界, 不用早早定下那些27歳結婚, 30歳前買樓的人生目標, 更加不必急於俾份工綁死自己. 但, 兩年後現在的我面對著的是前所未有的恐懼. 我很害怕找不到那通向幸福的路. 我很害怕自己的堅持最後變成了任性和不成熟. 而所謂的"if you do what you like, you don't have to work a day"又其實係唔係呃細路既謊言 - 除左Steve Jobs 外, 有無人真心喜歡他們的工作而又搵到錢? 雖然可幸地前面可選的路還有很多, 但又有幾多條是只是窮途(figuratively and literally) 而就算選對了路,我又有無耐性走到最後?

快要去日本了, 話唔淆係呃你的. 這次去日本有點破釜沈舟的意味,一定要趁這兩年好好裝備自己然後被博士課程取錄-不成功便成仁, 成功的話當然是糠莊大路, 失敗了便alas, 耗盡這兩年的積蓄然後再一次回到原點.

Can I pull this off this time?

Share

Rising Yuan: Implications to Hong Kong

2010-04-08T11:02:00.000-07:00

Although the discussion over currency rate between China and US has become a heated debate, it is not my interest, nor have I the knowledge to evaluate the macro economic consequences should China allow its currency to appreciate. However, in the light of this, I thought we would take a step back and look at some of the implications of a rising Yuan to Hong Kong. In the simplest sense, since Hong Kong dollar is pegged to the green, a rising yuan would translate to a slight devaluation of the Hong Kong dollar. Put it in the context of daily lives, what does that mean? For exporters/manufacturers (is there any left?!) of Hong Kong, that would be a good news because their products appear to be cheaper now to mainland purchasers and the revenue they earn in Yuan would convert into a higher net income. However, for most residents of Hong Kong, the negative impact probably outweighs the positive ones because Hong Kong imports almost all of its resources from outside, food for one, mostly comes from the mainland. The cost of food is bound to rise with a rising yuan. Moreover, there has also been a lot of concern as of late over the large influx of cheap money from the mainland into the Hong Kong real estate market, thereby driving up properties' prices. A rising yuan would also mean a discounted value of Hong Kong properties in the eyes of the mainland investors, and it is possible that more money will be poured into the market and price will be ever higher. All of this will constitute to post a serious inflation risk in Hong Kong.

It is not within the ability of the current troubled Hong Kong government to re-evaluate the currency peg consider that the underlying economic and social consequences of unpegging will be enormous. With the yuan stronger and more accepted in the world, we should nevertheless consider the possibility of currency integration between China and Hong Kong, and in the least, analyze the cost of upholding the currency peg with United States Dollars.

一個鐘廿鈫

2010-03-21T17:12:00.000-07:00

某飲食界議員提議最低工資應設在20元下, 換句話說, 每天工作十小時, 每星期工作六天, 月薪是4800元. 如果"不幸地"每星期只能開工5天的話, 月薪大概是4000元. 以平均一個上有老下有小的五口子家庭來說, 扣除租金伙食交通等開支後,想一家大細假期出外吃麥當勞也有困難, 更枉論說有多餘錢作儲蓄. 假設其中一人失業或生病的話, 家中手停口停, 突發開支往往要從親戚裡頭借, 生活根本沒有保障可言. 再說, 當法定外傭最低工資為3580元而且包食住時, 這項建議無疑對本地低收入人士是slap in the face.

查一查Wiki, 得知這位張議員為了業界權益可謂聲嘶力竭有持無恐, 曾批評李卓人議員不斷提出增加勞工權益，是貪得無厭, 擔心香港會邁向福利社會. 這位議員所說的福利社會大概是指西歐國家奉行的福利制度. 在高稅制下, 一般西歐國家的人民都不用擔心退休後的醫療與福利開支, 在職人士一般工時都比其他國家短而且生活也比較愜意. 當久而久之一切都變得理所當然的時候, 經濟稍有甚麼差遲, 這些assumed liabilities都會變成對政府的巨大付擔, 出現如希臘般的財政危機, 而改變往往會遇到強烈阻撓. 但於香港來說, 這種擔心未免是杞人憂天了吧? 首先, 香港沒有如歐美的social security 制度, 一般打工仔都是靠自己的積蓄和兒女供養去養老, 香港極其量只有生果金這種象徵式的敬老資助. 長者們如沒有儲蓄而仔女又唔生性的話可以想像到會落得晚境淒涼的情況. 而據張議員說, 若然市民掙不到基本生活，應由福利政策支援，不應由僱主補貼。由這思路出發, 公帑當然是從納稅人那裡來, 但若果增加利得稅去滿足市民的基本生活要求, 這又不利營商環境, 不知張議員如何衡量?

當普遍食肆的工資時薪都設在20元以上時, 這個建議根本是敷衍社會對縮減貧富懸殊的關注和共識. 資方普遍反對設立最低工資的理由是最低工資會使失業率增高, 令到很多小企業倒閉. 的而且確, 設立最低工資會令成本增加, 但可以想像到資方為了保持profit margin會將増加了的成本轉嫁至消費者身上. 於食肆來說, 可能每道菜加兩三元, 已經可以回本. 溫總理也提到要香港解決深層矛盾, 定立可以使工人有尊嚴地生活的工資是令香港健康發展的重要一步.

Kinder出奇蛋

2010-03-20T09:19:00.000-07:00

一次過滿足晒三個願望:

1. 學習關於東亞地區的政治與公共行政

2. 在日本生活, 希望兩年後說得一口流利日文

3. 回到校園, 令腦部不致因疏於使用而壞死

記: 本人有幸掹車邊被東京大学公共政策大学院的首屆英語碩士課程取錄, 成為眾多日本政界明星, 文壇巨擘, 商業天才,科學先驅的後輩, 深感榮幸, 特此記之. 希望從此不再誤入歧途, 不再走寃枉路, 踏踏實實的做研究寫論文, 關心和貢獻社會. 課程將於十月開始, 歡迎到日本旅行探親的人士借宿.

Share

The rise of nationalism in China

2010-03-15T09:42:00.000-07:00

In an era where almost all issues of global concern cannot be solved without international cooperation, what we see, however is a diminishing prospect of having multiple powers come together to agree on a common course of action. As the wealth gap between the west and the rest of the world converges, a relative decline in American power has weakened its world leadership. Too many powers are now eager to have their voices heard - China, India, Brazil to name a few and some powerful international institutions also want their say in world affairs. It is becoming visibly difficult to accommodate everyone. Most notably in the climate change conference last December in Copenhagen, the divide between emerging and industrialized countries is anything but bridgeable. In light of the economic crisis of which China has emerged relatively unscratched, the western media is especially alarmed by the spoiling role that China has played resulting in the failure to reach any meaningful deal.

As the economic center of gravity shifts from the west to the rest of the world, what accompanies the rise of fortune in the emerging countries is the rise of nationalism. We tend to think of nationalism as a backward ideology that can be eliminated by modernity. The handy examples are Germany and Japan - both evolve from being an aggressive hostile power to become democratic cooperative members of the world order. But they might just be unique examples because of their roles in the war; To avoid becoming pariahs, they succumb to United States as two silent countries, a non-factor in most international issues.

In China's case, it is quite different. Economically deprived from the 2nd world war and the cultural revolution, China has its disheartening aspects of the history that this rising power is eager to shrug off. The desire for international recognition as a world power is stronger than ever. And the largest economic crisis since the Great Depression proofs to be just the perfect opportunity for China to flex its muscles. Not only is China one of the first countries to emerge out from the crisis, it is now seen as the world economic engine that helps other countries to come out from their recession. From the unusually harsh sentence on its political dissidents to the strong denouncement of the United States' decision to sell military arm to Taiwan (which is anything but surprising), what we see is China's new assertiveness in facing up pressure from the West. Among the Chinese locals as well, this sense of the rise of national pride is also strong. The eye-popping Olympic opening ceremony in Beijing is nothing but a cultural and economic extravaganza that conveys one single message, "The Chinese is here".

This rise of nationalism can be dangerous if mistreated. We all know too well that dictators rise above in such situations through the manipulation of people's patriotism. Too easily it becomes us VS the rest of the world when in today's globalized economy it's really cooperation or destruction. Another fear is that the media will intensify its self-censorship, dangerously brewing a kind of new McCarthyism. In Hong Kong where citizens enjoy high degree of freedom in speech, it might become (or has already?) very easy for one to be branded as "unpatriotic" when his/her view disagrees with the party's direction and politics. As China's stock continues to rise, we should play our part as responsible world citizens. The power and influence due to a giant comes with responsibility also.

閃光少女

2010-03-14T12:11:00.000-07:00

今天, 陽光明媚, 春意盎然.

誠意分享:

東京事変　－閃光少女

請相信自己有閃耀的能力.

今日が確かなら万事快調よ
明日には全く憶えて居なくたっていいの
昨日の予想が感度を奪うわ
先回りしないで

今日を最高値で通過して行こうよ
明日まで電池を残す考えなんてないの
昨日の誤解で歪んだは
新しく合わせて

切り取ってよ、一瞬の光を
写真機は要らないわ
五感を持ってお出で
私は今しか知らない
貴方の今に閃きたい

今日がどんな昨日よりも好調よ
明日からそうは思えなくなったっていいの
呼吸が鼓動が大きく聴こえる
生きている内に

焼き付いてよ、　一瞬の光で
またとないいのちを
使い切っていくから
私は今しか知らない
貴方の今を閃きたい　
これが最期だって光って居たい

Today, if the present is reliable, everything is going smoothly.
I don't care a bit even if I remember nothing tomorrow.
Your yesterday's expectation takes your sensitivity away.
Don't anticipate what will come.

Today, Let's pass the present at the maximum.
I have no idea of keeping a battery alive for tomorrow.
Focus again your camera on the subject which is out of focus by your misunderstanding yesterday.

Cut the flash out of a momentary scene.
We don't need a camera.
Come here only with your five senses.
I know only "now".
I want to flash at your present.

Today, the present is better than any kind of yesterday.
I don't care a bit even if I cannot think so from tomorrow.
My breath, and the pounding of my heart can be heard loud and clear.
While I am alive.

Burn your figure into my mind by the momentary light.
So I use up my precious life.
I know only "now".
I want to flash at your present.
Even at my last moment, I want to shine.

高耀潔醫生

2010-03-13T15:02:00.000-08:00

在線上讀了一些關於中國著名維權人士高耀潔醫生在內地抗愛滋病工作的文章, 文中詳盡介紹了這位已介八十多歲的老人十多年來的努力和遇到的困厄. 因為致力披露愛滋病在河南的真實災情, 被地方政府打壓, 家人更因壓力而與之疏離. 但是是與生俱來的正義感使然吧, 種種阻撓都動搖不了她對防愛滋病工作的堅持. 十多年來除了寫書著作探訪過百條愛滋村外, 更自資百多萬元無償收養了160多個愛滋孤兒. 她的努力讓社會意識到愛滋病肆虐的嚴重性, 連國際組織也多次表揚高醫生的貢獻. 但是, 榮譽並沒有讓她工作順利. 貪腐的官吏為了維護地方形象多次驅逐她診訪愛滋病人, 不發護照使她不能出國領獎. 因賣血而感染愛滋病的貧窮農民數以萬計卻沒有一位官員因為管理失誤而下台. 官方的腔調強調愛滋病在中國的主要傳播途徑是性行為和吸毒, 但高耀潔醫生認為這只是掩飾人為失誤的籍口. 真正使愛滋病蔓延的是輸血與賣血 - 由於貪官勾結血販並予包庇, 使違法的不潔地下作業持續, 令愛滋病毒傳染不絕.

眼看之下眾多的愛滋病患者, 自己卻企圖以一己之力與制度羅旋, 文中她多次強調自己人生的失敗. "「我現在生不如死，活著太痛苦了，死了也就解脫了。」老人神色淒傖，話語哽咽。「實話說，我很悲觀，以後會怎樣令人不敢設想。」"

讀後心情沈重得很... 為什麼我們的社會會讓一個鞠躬盡瘁的老人如此失望, 如此心力交瘁? 為什麼我們的社會不能包容一個老人關懷病人的慈悲之心? 為什麼在錢與權力之下, 人性可以如此扭曲, 人命和人的尊嚴是如此一文不值? 一個堂堂大國, 外匯儲備數千億, 為什麼人民的心靈卻是如此貧瘠?

文中提及高耀潔醫生曾獲前副總理吳儀的首肯協助, 然而, 在強大的利益網絡下, 整頓貪官污吏又談何容易? 愛滋村, 毒奶事件以至四川豆腐渣工程都是人為的災難. 毒奶更有去之復還的趨勢. 而一個接一個的造假事件, 這又豈只是地方性的問題? 令人扼腕嘆息的是殺害中國人最多的, 還是中國人自己.

人民最基本的尊嚴也保衛不了, GDP年年增長過10又如何?

Share

日本文學與我

2010-03-07T12:01:00.000-08:00

日本文學對我而言是救贖亦是沈淪, 是解放亦是枷鎖.

大三以前,它是一個我未曾亦未想過要涉足的範疇. 因為想完成日本語的副修課程而拿了Professor Wallace 的文學課,誰不知一頭栽進去便不能自拔.由起初接觸"源氏物語"時的驚訝,到讀夏目漱石的"心"時的揪心震盪都不過一個學期的時間.

記憶中接觸文學前的自己好像比現在的我開朗活潑得多,縱然興趣多多卻沒有對任何事特別沈迷,單向的追尋以物質作量度單位的資本主義式優質生活. 別人看上去也算是一個有上進心的青年吧. 讀畢"心"及三島由紀夫的"金閣寺"後, 卻被前現代日本文學的黑暗先吸引後吞噬, 人性的暗巷在他們筆下赤裸裸的展現 - 令我沉迷的是我對這黑暗的相知與認同, 字裡行間那似曾相識的感覺令我懷疑一路走來我只是將自己的暗面藏起, 而文學就像藥餌般誘導它出來, 突然間那個比生活更大的生命意義浮上水面, 迫使我從所謂的現實抽身,反思對生活的態度. 誠言,這是正面的. 只是, 閱讀得愈多,無助感就愈益膨脹. 胸口有時像被巨石般壓著鬱鬱不舒暢, 便又惡性循環地投入書內想找到答案. 我想信, 文學有治癒人心的力量也有帶人走進窮巷的毀滅性. 這些作家大概都帶著某種傷口, 利用寫作作為自我救贖, 然後不自覺地將負能量轉到讀者身上, 讓他們分擔自己的痛.

期後比較多機會接觸的是屬於現代文學的村上春樹, 在明治維新時期文學的混濁相互比較下, 他的世界充滿創意但同時地, 對社會的批判性相對較弱. 讀村上春樹時我不用鄒著眉頭細想每個人物的動機矛盾, 可以輕鬆地讓故事慢慢卷開. 在某程度上, 他的角色的自我意識都比較弱, 散發著因為自知無力所以不努力的頹喪、無奈感, 像懸浮在半空中, 無論怎樣爭扎, 都不能著地踏實的走. 這種消極在發達國家居住的年青人中不算新鮮. 當一個國家發展至像日本的超文明程度時, 向上的動力便被慢慢磨滅, 回到根本、原始的渴望卻日益變強.

曾有衝動改行, 從此在文學裡浸淫, 但意識到如果真的這樣做, 我大概只會變成像村上春樹小說內的角色般, 厭惡這世界的王道卻有無力改變的小角色. 我不打算放棄文學, 但我相信我還有其他要做的事.

Share

Why affordable housing is the key to Hong Kong's development

2010-02-21T22:06:00.000-08:00

Since the generation of our grandparents or even before that purchasing a home has become the goal and dream of most Hong Kong citizens. Shelter as a basic necessity has evolved monstrously into an unattainable dream, and of those who can afford a down payment, many end up paying a large part of their monthly salary to mortgages for 20 some years. Thanks to the high land price policy, an artifact and a reminiscence of the colonial era, land price is arbitrarily set at an astronomical level because land is the only resource in the densely populated Hong Kong and premium of land sales provides an important revenue to the Hong Kong government. For an estimate of one plus million home owners in Hong Kong, the inflated properties' price has boosted their net worth and many have made a fortune themselves through real estate trading.

However, the surge of properties price has systematically divided the population into the haves and the have-nots. As the poor in Hong Kong struggles with end meets without a minimum wage protection, the rich continues to fly above the rest through real estate trading and the belief that the price is not going to fall. The notorious cage living is an example of the deprivation that exists in one of the most modern cities in the world. About 100,000 poverty-stricken residents live one by one in a cage made of wooden planks and wire mesh of about 3.7m2, an area large enough for only a mattress and a few possessions. The common belief, and also one of the core values in Hong Kong, that one can become rich if enough effort is devoted has shattered completely. One can work very hard at the bottom of the paradigm and still fail to move up the rug of the social ladder. The value of a property as an investment has overshadowed its function as a home, and that's just one of the many dysfunctions in Hong Kong and one that arguably has the biggest impact on the stability of the society.

So why is this a bigger issue now than it was in the previous decades? Afterall, Hong Kong has managed to prosper under this policy throughout the years. The answer to this question is two-fold. The first is related to the generation that have recently joined workforce and have the biggest incentive to purchase a home, the so-called "post 80". This is a generation that was brought up free of memory of war and poverty, where Hong Kong's economy was developing rapidly and enjoyed an unprecedented prosperity. Similar to the citizens of many developed countries, this generation looks beyond money as the source of happiness. Despite the universal consent that money is important and people work hard for their fair share of return, money no longer bears the kind of significance as it was to the previous generations. "Work-life balance" is a new concept that the older generations did not quite grasp. Rather than working even harder to earn a higher salary to catch up with the ever increasing property prices, they question whether it is "fair" to have a price tag so high on a basic living need. The second reason stems from the squeezing of the channels of upward mobility. As the society has become more developed, a more rigid system is in place that translates to a more qualification-focused Hong Kong. A person who did not graduate from college can still make it to the top if s/he works hard enough 40 years ago. (Donald Tsang is an example) But this is no longer the case in today's Hong Kong. The hope to be successful has diminished as a glass ceiling is present everywhere. Together with the unique characteristics of the post-80s, the institutionalization of our social system has made the price level of properties more troubling than ever.

I would argue that the traditional "let the market set the price" Capitalist approach to the housing market is fundamentally incorrect given that housing is not just another asset like stocks or commodities. Property ownership brings in a sense of belonging to the place where the owner resides. Unrest arises when wage level does not catch up with the increase in proporties prices, and people can't even afford to dream about owning a home. And Hong Kong is special in that Hong Kong citizens have no where else to go for the small size of Hong Kong and the innate social difference between Hong Kong and the mainland. Unike people in other countries where geographic mobility is significantly greater, the Hong Kong government cannot possibly ask its people to move back to mainland if they can't afford to live in Hong Kong.

In the previous regime, Mr. Tung Chee-Hwa has had the aspirations to tackle this age old problem by introducing the 85000 unit annual housing target, which earns him nothing but severe criticism for bursting the bubble and created a group of home owners with negative equity. With this lesson in mind, the latecomer has shown little willingness in cooling the housing market. So how can we strike a balance in determining a justified housing price level? I am no economics expert but we all know that in the States, the federal reserve raises interest rate when it deems the market is overheat. The influx of "cheap money" in Hong Kong is partly due to the low interest rate that Hong Kong monetary authority has set, which in the past is set to follow US's interest rate in lockstep since our currency is pegged. The result of the monetary policy an be tricky but I'd say the mere willingness displayed by the government is the single most important factor in creating a healthy housing market.

Share

香港人的自卑: 對英語的執著

2010-02-15T14:57:00.000-08:00

近年,香港的父母以至學生都對國際學校趨之若鶩.很多高官明星都將子女送到國際學校就讀,一年學費動輒數十萬,出入更有工人名車接送. 高級有品味的生活便在報紙娛樂版的薰陶下和國際學校接了軌.更重要的是市民大眾似乎都認為國際學校是美好將來的入埸劵. 就算子女不能以優秀的成績畢業然後升讀大學, 只要說得一口流利的美式英語(英式應該更佳),前途便有最低限度的保障. 的確,一個人的素質往往由一個人的語言表現出來.但在香港這個表面化的社會,你的靈魂甚至會因為一口流利的英語而變得高尚起來.相反,要是你位居要津,說起英文時舌頭卻像打了結的話,除了在人前出洋相外,還會在線上被人不留情面的諧落. (看看陳克勤的例子便知了). 上星期明報的一個專欄上,某位作者便說香港的核心價值便是崇洋. "每當我在商場看到一些貌狀中產的港男港女，即使二人均是道道地地的香港人，也在日常生活以港式口音跟孩子以全英語對答，就知道那種深層心理的自信缺失和發展缺陷是什麼。" 他這樣說.

讀後不由得問,香港人的自信往哪裡跑了?

自信是來至自身價值的肯定.這問題的前題是香港人本來是自信滿滿的,但不知就裡下我們突然變得很不安,很自卑. 我相信這和中國大陸的改革開放經濟漸趨伙繁榮有關. 我們的優越感隨著一部份內地人富裕起來而漸漸消失.忽然間我們發現內地人比香港人更聰明更積極更勤快,香港的年青人更是好逸惡勞,除了追逐明星明牌外便一無是處.我們的優勢只剩下對國際社會的熟悉而會.說.英.語就是在這個香港生存的必要條件. 無容至疑,英語是重要的.但對英語的執著我們似乎到了走火入魔的地步 - 我們會因醉酒而掌摑警員的女士說的是英語而不敢啍半句,嘲笑土生土長的議員說歪了英文生字.

要解除這個英語的緊箍,香港必須根本的保護及發展本土文化.在紐約居住其間,便深深體會到紐約市民對紐約特有的文化而自豪. 不喜歡紐約的人可以一下子數上不下十個關於紐約的缺點,但紐約人是自信的. 對於其他城市的競爭她都處之泰然,反之香港對於上海的急速發展便戰戰兢兢, 一聽到上海要興建另一個廸士尼便急急宣佈要擴建我們那天資不足的樂園. 其實,只要我們能加以發展香港這個特別個體的身份,欣賞"香港製造"的藝術,音樂,小說...等等, 屬於香港的文化會為我們引領一條新的出路.而這個優勢不是能隨便給取代的.

Share

World of 1Q84

2010-01-30T20:16:00.000-08:00

I am not sure if reading the Chinese translation, rather than the Japanese text in its original form, gives an accurate picture but 1Q84 has exceeded my expectation in so many ways. Let me say this up front, I have never been a fan of Haruki Murakami because his signature surrealism always leaves me in a confused and unsatisfied state. So many signs and symbols appear in the book, as if they signify a larger theme and yet, Murakami never clarified and explained further in his books the deeper meaning of such bizarre ideas like the giant speaking frog, or the underworld that a deserted well connects to. To me who perhaps lack the sensitive appreciation for his imaginations and creativity, this is all a trick he employs to hook you into reading till the end so you can discover what the book is all about but till now, I fail to grasp the larger picture in his books. Even though 1Q84 incorporates elements of surrealism like the other Murakami's works, the weight between the abstract and actuality is of a good balance in that the the abstract does not overshadow other major themes that I can relate to the reality including domestic violence, religion, sex, love, loneliness and evil. Murakami offers something for everyone in this multilateral novel.

One idea that diffuses across the first two volumes of 1Q84 is the ambiguity of the divide between good and evil. In the first volume, there are events that suggest absolute evil on our moral standard such as the leader of a secret religious cult having sexual intercourse with premature girls but later we find out that this leader carries a bigger mission which seems to justify his deviant behavior. And then there is the main female character who is secretly employed to kill men who abuses their wives. Unacceptable in the ethical perspective, but their motives are justifiable in the author's narratives. Throughout the book, like yin and yang, every event and person has 2 opposite sides which challenges our day-to-day presumptions - be it the bonded couple who has yet to come cross each other's lives since childhood or the macho bodyguard who happens to be homosexual, it is perhaps Murakami's intention to bring opposite elements into these characters to further echo the theme that there is no true divide between good and evil.

1Q84 is the kind of book you will have to read at least two times. The comments, conversations, and observations which appear random in the first time will reveal more significance in the the second time. Each character in this book is uniquely crafted with strong distinctive personality, and the main male character Tengo who got drifted into a whirlpool of events but had almost no control over his own fate, is an extension of the typical male character in Murakami's previous works. Gifted but with almost no ambitions in life, the male characters always live in a dull routine until something extraordinary happens to them one day. In Tengo's case, despite the hope to become a novelist and is talented in writing, he does not know what to write about until a mysterious girl unleashes the creative juice inside him. Sexually as well, he is submissive in nature and therefore dates an older woman who can tell him exactly what to do. Women are both weak and strong in 1Q84 - weak in their vulnerability to sexual assault and strong in their critical role to offset the evil power.

With all the buzz surrounded over 1Q84 (over 2 million copies sold already in Japan), this is only the first 2 volumes of the 3 volumes series. The 3rd volume is scheduled to come out in April in Japanese and the translation versions will be rolled out later. Depending on your state of mind, 1Q84 can be an enjoyable read in the late afternoon or a serious text for students of Japanese Literature and for that, I recommend it to everyone.

Share

全民起義之我見

2010-01-24T12:11:00.000-08:00

公社兩黨近日為了宣傳五區總辭,用"全民起義"作為口號,希望衝擊由回歸以來沒甚進展的民主運動.但因為"起義"這字眼帶有推翻政權的意味,觸動了北京神經,建制派群起圍攻要杯葛補選.輿論也大肆宣揚北京不滿,批評公社兩黨這行動是挑戰一國兩制的底線云云.亦有評論員在政改論壇上說"起義"一詞是近乎恐嚇,林瑞麟局長更乘勢呼籲辭職五子應臨崖勒馬. 本來流於中間的溫和派也對五區公投突然反感,認為總辭是過激了的泛民人士也大大增加. 一時間公社兩黨四面楚歌,但既然已被捲入洪流,只可順勢去之.

在我看來,市民害怕的不是"起義"二字而是"北京不滿";恐嚇市民的不是公社兩黨,而是廣傳親中人士意見的輿論.因為害怕北京不滿而急急表態,與五區總辭劃清界線; 因為害怕失去既得利益,所以沒辦法坦然面對良心,匆匆棄權.這其實都是人知常情. 我們都想魚與熊掌兼得, 既有民主,又可享有在中央政策之下帶來的經濟成果.但是當要二選一,既得利益者因為要維護本身利益,當然是要就手的錢. 因為誰也不能保證更民主的社會會帶來更巨大的經濟效益 (雖然這是西方推銷民主時的說法)而普羅大眾呢,就因為安於生活裡的慣性,縱然是感到有一點不妥,如非"迫到埋身"往往對改變持懷疑的態度.

這次補選的真正意義是以議員的職位作賭注,希望市民向政府表達取消功能組別,在2017/20時達成真正的雙普選的意願.不要被"起義"或"北京不滿"兩字蒙敝了視線,因為這根本不是一個對抗,只是一個較有創意的表達民意的渠道而已.結果亦沒有法律效力,如果要消耗精神猜量是次選舉的認受性, 何不簡單地將自己的意見放進投票箱內?

Share

邊緣化

2010-01-15T22:40:00.000-08:00

在建制派的全力護航下,高鐵撥款正式通過,結果不令人意外.這次的財委會議突顯亦深化了香港內既得利益者與被剥削的弱勢社群之間的矛盾. 80後真正要反的不是高鐵,而是長久以來重商輕民的發展觀念.

在這埸爭議中,政府其中一個撐高鐵的理由是如果高鐵不起,香港便會被"邊緣化" - 難道香港就這麼害怕被拼出去嗎? 地理上香港從來都在邊緣. 在中國未改革開放前香港一直是中國對外看的窗戶,亦是西方打開中國市場的踏腳石.在這裡不同的理念主意都可以自由流通,沒有自我審查,中西文化渾然一體卻又彰顯出胡主席所重之社會和諧.我們背靠祖國,面向國際,一直以來都是站於邊緣,無論是經濟或政治上這亦是香港唯一的定位.我城不能亦不可只成為中國境內的其中一個城市. 無可否認香港現在的經濟依附於中央的政策之下,但臣服不是唯一的出路,我們這樣只會愈退愈後.當權者,請拿出帶領香港走出困局的氣魄吧

從80後的反高鐵示威者中我看到了80後對香港長遠發展的願景,確確實實的感受到這一代對我城的氶擔. 高鐵只是一個楔子, 相信社運陸續有來.在這以前,站在道德高地批判政府的80後也應想想實質的措施扶助真正不幸運的人,從小步開始,讓我城變得更人性化.

Share

二十幾

2009-09-11T23:57:00.000-07:00

前幾天上了在香港時就讀中學的網頁裡溜覽, 赫然發現舊時的中學同學已成為那兒的老師. 生於斯長於斯現在還能夠在曾栽培過自己的學校裡為下一代努力, 比起為投資銀行賣命的尖子, 這條路來得更踏實更富使命感. 羨慕的同時也驚覺自己再不年輕了,全職工作以來已一年多,在感嘆時間飛逝的同時, 更令人惆悵的是計劃好的人生道路根本沒有想像中般美好. 一方面意會到自己要為自己的生活負責,一方面卻害怕承擔責任. 踏出校園後身旁再沒有人告訴你什麼可行什麼不能,更沒有人告訴你到底怎樣才能快樂. 每次做決定都畏首畏尾,生怕做的決定不對,從此令自己落後於人,所以到最後每天只能營營役役, 一日復一日, 在最安定的路上永不越軌半步. 生活裡縱然是有無限的可能性但其實可選擇的根本是寥寥可數. 這大概是生活在超文明下的悲哀, 每一步都要計算, 每一個決定都希望得到他人認同從而印證自己的存在.

練習寫字

2009-08-23T09:23:00.000-07:00

正職工作以後已有很久沒有坐下來好好的寫文章. 相比起讀書時毎兩三個星期便要交一篇6至8頁的日子,文筆已至對社會上各式形態的反思也遲鈍了不少 - 縱然當時的我極其量也只是個在建制下陷入於身份危機, 致力想得到認同的半自閉少年. 不過大概是這種typical第4代香港人的迷茫,我才對日本明治維新時期作家的小說有這樣強的共鳴. 在現今社會精英與兩極化的同時, 不想被歸化,標籤是否只會把人推到邊緣去? 要不順大勢而行,要不便被排斥, 怪不得明治維新時期時期的作家10個有9個自殺去了. 什麼社會精英,什麼金融才俊, 其實只是資本主義社會下一些帶假希望予青少年而沒有內涵的虛名而已.
不過說到底, 我也是被bought in的一群. "唔知自己想點,只知自己唔想點"大學時代的我恃著些小聰明,以不俗的成績畢業然後在某大金融機構撈得一個別人看似薪高福利好的職位. 以為逐漸走近幸福的生活, 其實只是墮入無止境的,對所謂優質生活的追逐. 但話說回頭, 去追尋夢想活出有意義的人生又其實是不是只是個美麗的籍口, 在無希望的生活中自我救贖?